Happiest of New Years, Trashmii, and may our favorite trashy networks provide us with prime snark fodder in the coming year.
Aunt Dorsey mentioned “Are You Being Served” on the incomparable Droctor Who recap. Now THAT was a series. My absolute fave quote of all time was: “Take a peep through Mrs. Slocombe’s keyhole. If you see her pussy, shove a bit of fish in it.”
Okay, I’ve taken up enough space, and I know you can’t wait to read the last comments of the year 2013…
e-milton 714 on RHOBH Star F***er: I had to … comment on kathy hilton’s FACE!!!!!!!!!! MY GOD!!!!!!!! She is 1 nip away from being that cat woman jocelyn whatsherface.. What did she do?!
Ikanread on RHOBH Star F***er: I want to be whatever kind of sober Kim is. That sobriety looks fun!
MK on RHOBH Star F***er: Does Kyle not have one chair in the house?
Notwithoutmytv on RHOA Twirl Turns: When shown pictures of NeNe’s face and a hippopotamus’s ass, 8 out of 10 people couldn’t tell the difference. When NeNe’s bright yellow weave was pointed out to them, the 8 misidentifiers said they thought the wig was one of those scavenger birds that ride around on hippos, cleaning parasites off their hides.
Aunt Dorsey on RHOA Twirl Turns: Am I nuts, or does Apollo have a hair pick tattooed on his upper right shoulder? It sure looks like a hair pick. Who commemorates a hair pick with a tattoo? Was it his favorite hair pick from back in the day when he had an afro?
Aunt Dorsey on RHOA Twirl Turns: Nene’s new teeth may be the same size as a hippo’s teeth, but she has way more of them. I’d never mistake her face for the bum end of a hippo — or the front end for that matter. But, I’d give her the same healthy respect I’d give a hippo and get the hell out of her way. They’re killers.
Aunt Dorsey on RHOA Twirl Turns: I loved the irony that Kathy Hilton — the epitome of chic in her faux leopard muumuu — was giving cheap shit to her sisters about their clothes.
Notwithoutmytv on RHOA Twirl Turns: The Personal Parasite Protection (PPP) program required Apollo to have his once luxurious and free-growing ‘fro shaved off when he checked in as a “guest of the state”. He was pretty traumatized. That hair pick tattoo is his homage to his poor, departed means of self expression. And it has double meaning now that he’s the legal cabana boy of an insane, theatrical despotrix.
Sarcasatire on Survivor Trigger Happy: At first glance at that screengrab, I was like, “Why is Jeff holding an ice cream cone?” Hahaha! Jeff has a strawberry boner and I need to get my eyes checked.
NotWithoutMyTV on Shahs Persian Acres: I wish they’d let that little guy loose on that fucktard Reza. You know he’s all hat and no cattle–one punch and he’d start sniveling like a big, hirsute girl. (No offense to you big, hirsute girls out there. You’ve never done anything to me.)
Sarcasatire on Survivor Trigger Happy: Tyson looks like Gollum. Never before have I seen a man in underwear that I want to keep telling, “Sit down! Please don’t stand.”
Aunt Dorsey on Sleepy Hollow Treevilbeard: Love the idea of “Real Hosewives of Sleepy Hollow” with the obligatory house husbands. Ich can show me his sonic screwdriver any time — who says being an old lecher is strictly a male prerogative?
Aunt Dorsey on Survivor Mini: Yay! Tyson heard Mr. Dangerous’ lament about the dearth of penii and stuffed his panties with the idol. Not quite as effective as a rustled coconut, but still better than nothing. Can’t wait to see Jeffy swoon when Tyson turns the idol in with all those grody pheromones on it.
No, I’m Just Glad to See You on Survivor Mini: Caleb is the epitome of soft-spoken Southern manners. The ability to wound, yet seem as though you said something polite and innocuous is really quite a gift.
Itchy on Survivor Mini: Speaking of Tyson’s crotch. I give the man a break. He might just have a “white man’s surprise” down there. But what I think is really going on is that he’s so damn skinny there’s a huge gap between his thigh, which gives plenty of room for his package to dangle, making it less likely to bulge. And that’s my scientific opinion, based on my ongoing research.with fruit flies.
Vallegirl on Survivor Mini In reply to itchy: Thanks for explaining that thigh gap has an actual purpose other than to be another reason girls think they’re fat.
NotWithoutMyTV on Project Runway Milan et al: Let’s really examine this challenge:
–They’re designing a dress for a cartoon character.
–The cartoon character’s schtick is that she’s a hopelessly square mother and housewife.
–Cartoon characters always wear the same clothing.
–They’re designing for a person who doesn’t exist, so instead, they just put the outfit on their human models.
–If they win, an animated version of their design will appear on the cartoon.
I wouldn’t have even gotten out of bed to compete in this challenge.