On the first part of the reunion, Porsha was ejected for trying to forcibly donate Kenya’s hair to an Indian deity. NeNe was pissed that a possum died on her head. Phaedra showed us how many synonyms there are for the word “whore” and Kandi and Cynthia patiently waited for their turn to be humiliated.
Kenya gives a speech stating that she’s against violence especially towards women. Tell that to my eyeballs who are assaulted each time we get a flashback of you in that garish lipstick from episodes 1-4. She says that she had to fight her entire life.
Kandi mocks her Color Purple influenced speech and Phaedra says that Kenya tends to provoke people. Kenya reveals that NeNe called her last year to specifically go after Phaedra. NeNe cuts her off, much like she did Sheree when they had their huge fight when NeNe was accused of doing her dirty, and claims that if she has an issue with someone she’ll tell them. She warns Kenya to stop before she gets Porsha and Kenya tells her that she’ll get Marlo. That ends the conversation very quickly since NeNe forgot to pack her sneakers and stun gun.
A viewer asks Kandi and Phaedra why they were quick to mock Chuck’s penis size but had ‘dated’ him repeatedly. Kandi says she wasn’t his slut bucket and Phaedra thinks he’s trying to resuscitate a failed football career. NeNe is asked about repeating the rumor that Phaedra was known as the head doctor in Athens. NeNe called Phaedra and apologized. Phaedra says that was never a rumor because she was very smart and didn’t hang around people that NeNe would know. First of all, smart girls can give head and study. Secondly, Phaedra is basically saying they didn’t know each other back in Athens. Kenya jumps in and says that the ‘head doctor’ comments were in court documents. Andy, eager to not get sued this year, cuts off talk of court docs and Phaedra goes after Kenya.
Phaedra says Kenya will never be a housewife because she has no husband. Those taunts are so old. First of all, not every woman wants a husband and secondly, what good is one who primarily commits crimes and funds stripper’s boob jobs? Kenya says she doesn’t have to look far for one because someone’s husband likes to stray. He doesn’t stray Kenya’s way according to Phaedra because she’s a barren woman. I just don’t know what to think about that. It seems like a really low blow. It’s almost like going after someone’s physical disability. Anyway, Kenya doesn’t think that’s very Christian of her but it actually is. That’s a super Biblical diss. Barren? Who’s even said that since the Old Testament?
Momma Joyce is there. They say she looks great and Andy asks how she lost 40 pounds.
And stress. Momma Joyce is ready for the wedding which she passive aggressively says is in two weeks, but it’s actually in one week. He asks about remorse and the only remorse she has is about the upcoming wedding. Momma Joyce said that the public didn’t give her any problems regarding her behavior except for when they said she tried to set Todd up. Incidentally, this was the only situation not actually caught on camera or on a voicemail. Andy incredulously asks if that was really the only time because there was that whole “Ain’t no mountain high enough, ain’t no valley low enough…” incident. She says that they retweeted it and in her mind that apparently equals success and acceptance. Kandi refutes this and says that Momma Joyce was mad about all the stuff on Twitter.
They ask her about the threatening voicemail she left Karmon and Momma Joyce says that she hasn’t dragged a heifer in a while but she can wrap up a good wig. Andy sticks to the no violence tagline although this season has profited from all sorts of implied and actual violence. She excuses threatening Phaedra by saying that it would have been private and in her office. That’s a good point because nowadays no one is going to that donkey booty office for legal assistance.
A question comes in from a viewer who is a 71-year old mother of four. Joyce dismisses her as being old. Another viewer , Catherine, asks about her dislike of Kandi’s men and Joyce says that AJ, ex deceased fiance from her first season on the show, had two kids when they first met and then ended up with six when it was all said and done. Momma Joyce asks who in the hell is Catherine and tells Andy to flip the page. Joyce say she would put Todd in same category of her son if he was still alive. As a matter of fact, she’d push him on Kenya or Cynthia.
Andy asks if she’d give him a shot and she says if he swung that way, she would.
We also learn that Todd’s mom isn’t crazy about Joyce and called her a bitch at a restaurant. Joyce wanted to jump across the table but claims she thought about the bread and realized that his mom has nothing and stopped herself. Kandi stops her and says that they had to hold her back. Again.
She’s also annoyed at Cynthia for implying that Kandi supports her. Cynthia apologizes because she’s already had one boob ripped out of her dress today. Joyce informs the world that she has diamonds, bonds and a paid off house. Kandi interrupts to make it clear that she has helped her mom in the past and Momma Joyce even had a credit card or two in Kandi’s name that Kandi did not know about. Momma Joyce brushes it off by saying it was only one time. Joyce acknowledges that Kandi gave her money but says it was only $700 per month. Kandi says that was because she was spending too much on gambling, MMA lessons and Home Shopping Network.
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