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Whodunnit Recap: Dontae’s Inferno (and other bad puns)

Greetings, TrashTalkers! I did a little digging and found out that the creator of this hot mess is Anthony Zuiker, creator of the CSI franchises. He must be so proud.

When we last left our “investigators” – and I use that term loosely – they were huddled in a group near the pool dressed in their ridiculous pajamas with little gold emblems. Everyone was accounted for except Dontae. He decided to take a little swim. I would, too, if I was on fire.


Belly Flop of Doom

Thus begins our next chapter in this silly saga, and the writers managed to pull every freakin’ pun having to do with fire that they could find. More on that later.

Everyone moves into the main room/drawing room (I don’t know what to call it). Adrianna is sooo shaken by the ordeal; she puts her head in her hands. They don’t give out emoting Emmys for reality contests, dear. And by the way – it’s supposed to be 5 AM at this point. Really? Because everyone looks really put together. They all must have stopped at hair and makeup during their frantic run out of the manor. Most mornings my hair sticks out in 5 different directions, and I walk like an 80 year old man.

Giles ominously asks the group, “By a show of hands, who wants to live?”


I really don’t care at this point.

Giles lifts his pants leg to reveal a blinking ankle bracelet. Keeping yourselves alive will keep him alive, he says. But they can’t “stay alive”. The whole point of this contest is to get rid of the guests, so what do you mean by that? I need a drink.

Since no one’s going back to sleep, each person selects what area they will investigate. For those going to the morgue, they will be examining the “crispy corpse”. Some of the other stupid puns used are “the heat is on”, “go up in flames”, “hot on the case”, some of you are burned out”. I don’t even know what to say. Shane on you, Anthony Zuiker. The group discusses being honest about revealing information to each other, and that maybe this time everyone should be more honest. Yeah, right. Really – it doesn’t matter if you lie, only that you get your story straight.


LAST KNOWN WHEREABOUTS – Melina, Lindsay, Ronnie, Geno.
Geno asides that he plans to be his own detective and keep it to himself. Hope that works, dear. There is a large, starburst-like soot mark on the door. To me, it appears that this is where the fire ignited. No one else seems to get that.


Melina finds a religious card on the bed table. On the card as a portrait of St. Agatha, the patron saint of fire. The card is next to an empty velvet case that appears to have held a pendant of some sort, probably a religious medal. A lampshade is also partially damaged. Ronnie notices that there are no burn marks on the floor, so it seems only his torso (and above) was burned. Nice catch, Ronnie.