Well, hello Trashmii!! Welcome to another week of Bring It! Last week, the weave was almost sent flying as Queen D battled both bRittany AND the sketchy host of the competition they attended. The Mystery of the Seventh Judge is right up there with the missing Malaysian airplane…
This week, the ladies scream at each other again, and bRittany gets so pissed she bypasses the weave, and just rips off her wig. Let’s get to it.
We open at the Dollhouse, with two days to competition. Mini Mimi’s scurrying and snitching is finally paying off, as Queen D whispers to her that her daughter Camryn, may be getting a solo. Two days before the competition? That’s bold. Her theme will be ‘creative dance’, which sounds like jazz and lyrical. Mini Mimi is so excited she starts clapping like a baby seal.
Do baby seals have webbed hands?
QD tells her that the solo is their little secret, and no one else can know about it. She knows Mimi, right? This ‘secret’ will stay between them as long as it takes Mini Mimi to scuttle out to her spot in the parking lot.
She don’t know nothin’ bout nothin’.
Queen D opens practice by reminding the girls that they lost because that bitch that organized the competition brought in her own judge. Aside from the Mystery of the Seventh Judge, some of the girls just sucked. She calls out Chrysanthemum, and tells her that she is on the chopping block, so she needs to check herself before she wrecks herself.
The Prancing Tigerettes will be at this week’s competition, along with a bunch of other colorfully named teams. They will be competing in Pom Pom, African Dance, and the stand battle. QD prattles off an explanation of all the dances, in case someone has slept through the last two episodes.
QD announces that Camryn will be doing a solo this week. I’m hoping this announcement leads to an all-out brawl on the sidewalk outside, but the reality tv gods are not smiling down on me this week.
OH!! But wait!!! I spoke to soon! Tina, bRittany, and Selenonce gang up on Mini Mimi and demand to know why she was beckoned into the forbidden region (inside) before practice. Shockingly, the Mini has kept her secret until someone asked why she was coughing up feathers.
Of course, Mini Mimi tells them not to say anything. I guess she didn’t notice the large camera hovering next to her. The moms (minus Selenonce) are happy for Camryn.
This woman’s facial expressions are the gift that keeps on giving.
Selenonce is pissed, and starts Texas Cheerleader Mom-ing her plot to get Sanjaya a solo.
Mississippi Mom Massacre: The Day Selenonce Ate the Dancing Dolls – Saturday at 8/7 Central
Selenonce starts bitching about how they are Queen D’s favorites, and she wants to be a favorite too. Blah blah blah.
Inside, the girls are learning the African dance. The music comes on, and the Clipboard of Death comes out. Apparently, there wasn’t enough space on the clipboard for all the crap that occurred during the run-through. Kayla, Camryn, Sanjaya, and Chryslknorge all made the cut.
The next round of cuts is for the Stand Battle. QD calls out Sanjaya, and tells her that she has to ‘buck’ by herself in front of the mirror in order to be able to even participate in the practice for cuts. Heh. QD tells us that ‘bucking’ is a pelvic movement that has swag and some other stuff.
Sanjaya begins bucking, and loses steam after about 6 of the first 8 count. QD is not impressed, and tells her to park it, and wishes her better luck next week.
The look on her face says “Mom, please stop trying to live through me. I’m just a kid, and I can’t deal with your issues.”
Of course, Selenonce sees this go down from her spot peeking through the blinds, and immediately starts bitching. Mini Mimi tells her to slow her roll, and that QD is paying attention to Sanjaya, and is at least trying to help her get better. Common sense is not something Selenonce prides herself on having, so Mimi’s lecture goes in one ear and out the other.
Selenonce has an appointment, so she chunks the deuce and announces that her ex-husband will be picking up Sanjaya. Oh boy. I hope we get to meet this guy.
And we do! He’s…not what I expected.
This guy seems way too chill and happy to have produced four children with Selenonce.
Apparently J.J. was a dancer himself, and is the best one out of the whole family. Which isn’t saying much. Mini Mimi, always wanting to get stuff started, prods J.J. into dancing inside, and showing everyone how its done. She even opens the door for him.
He strolls in and starts struttin his stuff in front of everyone. He gets a few moves out before Queen D escorts him outside. QD likes JJ because he’s not an asshole like most of the parents she has to deal with (cough cough Selenonce).
But can you buck it?
The next day, Sanjaya comes over to Camryn and Mimi’s for some one-on-one practice. Camryn tells Sanjaya to at least act like she’s trying to make cuts. She does, and even starts to look halfway decent before their impromptu tutorial is over.
The night before competition, the girls are back at the Dollhouse. Camryn is practicing her solo for everyone. She does ok. QD gives her some feedback, and Camryn bursts into tears. She says she knows she needs to work harder.
Outside, Tina tells Selenonce that not only did JJ dance the night before, he actually made it inside the Dollhouse to perform. Gasp!! She goes on to say that she wishes that Kayla’s dad was as supportive of her dance as JJ is of Sanjaya, but that he doesn’t really know anything about dance, so…
“Your ex husband is really cool. I like that he knows what dance is.”
Selenonce grabs at this low hanging fruit, and snaps back to Tina that if Kayla’s dad isn’t supportive, it’s Tina’s fault, and that Tina needs to get with the get on and make him be supportive. This is going to end well.
Selenonce: “You need to crack tha whip on him, girl. It worked so well for me when I did it, my husband is now super supportive. Each month. With child support payments. Because he left me. See the way my eye is twitching? That’s how I get when I speak tha truth.”
Mimi: “You done lost.your.damn.mind.”
Mini Mimi is pantomiming behind Selenonce’s back that this is crazy talk, but I don’t think Tina can see her through her blinding fury. Selenonce continues, saying that she needs to get Kayla’s dad’s number and give it to JJ, so JJ can call him and show him how to be a supportive father.
“I mean, you’re gonna have to let me call JJ from your phone, because he won’t answer when he sees its me. But I’ll totally call him.”
Methinks someone didn’t actually listen to what Tina said. She didn’t say he sucked as a father; she said she wished he was more involved with the Dancing Dolls.
“Bitch, you crazy.”
Tina says that she was actually just trying to make conversation with Selenonce, since everyone else thinks she’s a raging bitch, but since she just showed her ass to God and everyone, nevermind. Tina starts screaming something about picking ticks out of a tiger’s ass. Wait. What?
It doesn’t matter…shit’s bout to go.down.
The next few seconds are a flurry of blurred mouths and beeps and Mini Mimi trying to stop, drop, and roll down the middle of this hot mess of crazy.
“I don’t want to ruin my good wig over this.”
I wonder if Selenonce’s life is flashing before her eyes.
Tina rips off her wig and her and Selenonce begin violating each other’s personal space. Mimi manages to grab Selenonce, and advises her that if she wants to live to see bedtime, she should prolly roll down to the other end of the sidewalk.
Meanwhile, practice is still going on. They are working on pom pom, and a few counts in, Sanjaya is cut.
Its finally competition day, and the girls are back in Memphis. So are the Prancing Tigerettes, along with a much less dapper looking Quincy. Where’s the bowtie?
Selenonce is inside the dressing room bitching to everyone within earshot about how Sanjaya got cut. She must have had an extra bowl of Wheaties this morning, because she asks Queen D if they can talk outside. I hope QD is packin heat…
Selenonce wants to know why Sanjaya was cut just because she messed up. QD tells her that if Sanjaya messes up, she can’t perform, and walks away. Of course Selenonce can’t just let it go, so she trails behind her, continuing to screech about how her daughter was cut. You can almost see QD get more and more pissed off…like a thermometer.
Your kid sucks. The more you bitch, the more your kid sucks.
QD finally has enough, and puts her hand in Selenonce’s face. QD walks off, leaving Selenonce in the stairwell, still screaming.
Pom pom is first, and they do a great job. Camryn’s solo is next. Mimi starts crying with pride, and I guess this is our emotional-feel-good moment of the week.
The African dance is up next, and the girls are bedecked with big, giant, showgirlesque feathers on their heads and bums. It looks pretty cool. It reminded me of the beginning dance in Coming to America, but with clothes.
Finally, its time for the stand battle. Queen D reminds them that this where they got f’d last week, so they really need to Bring It! (get it? heh) this time.
I notice that bRittany is not with the moms in the audience. I guess the fight from a few weeks ago about her being late was more producer intervention than anything else, because no one has said a thing about her not being here.
Its awards time. The Dancing Dolls win the pom competition and the creative dance. I think Camryn won for solo, because she gets a trophy, but it wasn’t announced.
Alas, the Prancing Tigerettes win the stand battle. The Dancing Dolls came in second. Queen D is upset, but says at least they lost to a really good team. She tells the girl its a minor setback for a major comeback. I really like Queen D.
Next week – the Baby Dancing Dolls perform! And they are ADORABLE!!!!
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