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Chrisley Knows Best: Jugs and Ammo

Chrisley Knows Best: Bang Bang Pow!

We are back this week with a new episode of Chrisley Knows Best! As I previously mentioned, I am not a huge USA network supporter. When I set up the series recording this week, I noticed that the lead in shows for Chrisley include Law and Order: SVU and Modern Family.

ice t law and order svu chrisley knows bestHey – those are reruns!

Thanks, T. My thoughts exactly. So USA has original programming but not that much original programming? Bravo had much better lead in shows Monday night when they replayed the Chrisley premiere. It was in between “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” finale and part one of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” reunion. Solid gold.

This week Lindsie (I really f-ing hate how that is spelled), the eldest daughter, is getting her boobs done and Savannah, the other daughter, is in a runway show. Both of them have hair full of secrets. Lindsie (FYI spell check’s suggested spelling for her name includes landslide) says she is getting a boob job cause her baby sucked them dry. Todd is paying for the new boobies so he gives her a boob cake and tells her to blow out the nipple.

Optimized-Optimized-todd chrisley linsdie nose boob cake candleThanks Dad!

As we could have assumed from her intro last week, Todd hates Lindsie’s husband Will because Will didn’t ask Todd’s permission to marry Lindsie. Or because Will won’t play Alabama Hot Pocket with him on the cruise to the Caribbean during the family vacation like Lindsie’s old boyfriend.He was cool. He used to ask permission to do things. Or not, if ya know what I’m sayin’.

The whole family has dinner together including Will and Faye, Todd’s mom. Faye is on Christian Mingle dot com. Get it girl! Kyle and Faye are roommates. While hearing Grandma bring home men is probably awful, I bet it’s still better than being sent to Somoa. Enough about Kyle, he’s the bad kid.

It’s  time to prepare for Savannah’s runway show. Todd pays to watch someone teach Savannah how to walk. There is a lotta boob talk. Let’s pause here. This is a great example of why I find this family sooo confusing. OK, so the whole world thinks Todd is gay.

Optimized-todd chrisley knows best gay rumor fa realIt’s not just me

And on the internets this week I learned that Julie is independently wealthy. She was also a Miss Carolina at some point.  So with her wealth Todd can get away with all these bankruptcy high-jinx and department store dreams without the family really feeling the financial pain. But like I said, I don’t understand this family, and I especially don’t understand these two. Let’s break it down.  OK, so I figure if you gotta marry someone to be your beard, you might as well go with someone rich. And if you’re a high maintenance beauty queen, you might as well marry someone like Todd to help you with clothes and decor and not some smelly Duck Dynasty boy who wants to drink Busch and watch football.  But I can’t find her bio anywhere to see how much money she has or even which Carolina she was Miss of.  Plus Todd is the one helping Savannah with the pageant coach and going nuts about her fake career while the mom is just like whatevs. In fact, she seems pretty “whatevs” about everything. Klonopin? Does she even know shes taking it??

Back to the ol’ Chrisley honey heads. There is a sit down to discuss Lindsie’s husband behind his back. Lindsie wants to know what was up between Todd and Will. We rehash the whole permission thing again and to be honest Todd just kinda hates Will. Finally Todd agrees to meet his son in law half way on the relationship thing. Now Todd is really angry and yelling about meeting half way and Lindsie starts to CRY.

 Optimized-todd chrisley angry chrisley knows best usa network

Why so mad bro?

It is finally the day of the runway fashion show! Todd totally wasted that walking coach money on Savannah. This is some slutty cheap ass prom dress showcase outside Atlanta. Todd hates the dresses, and rightfully so as someone who wants to start a high end department store. The dresses are awful but models don’t get paid for their opinions and neither do their dads. All and all Savannah fails to stand out in the crowd, Todd wears a lot of bronzer, Julie sports some rather large butterflies on her top half, and the youngest son Grayson says “vag”.

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