We’re back with the first episode of Season 2 of TLC’s Cheer Perfection. I would feel bad for being slow on this recap, but since the producers have decided as early as Season 2/Episode 1 to not even TRY to fking pretend like this is edited by someone with a BAL under .20, then I don’t find it necessary to waste my time rushing to put out a timely recap. Mediocrity breeds mediocrity. Anyway, I would love to say that this season started out with a bang… but it didn’t. The episode was so-so, but the editing seriously pissed me off.
Mandy in blue talking to Ann in gray.
But wait… Ann is in stripes talking to Andrea.
Okay, so Michelle and Bonnie are by the door.
Oh wait… Mandy put on a sweater and put up her hair and she’s by the door.
While Ann still talks to Andrea.
So let’s start the story. The Youth Silver team is back and they are preparing a new, harder routine to take them into first this weekend in Texas. They are preparing to go to U.S. Nationals at the end of the season. Alisha worries that the moms bring too much drama to the team. She should worry about how many Super Slurpies they bring too.
Cambree seems to have enjoyed her fame, as she is a bit difficult for her parents to control. She’s really cute, but it might get old (spoiler alert, it does). Mandy is worried about the harder routine and Andrea worries that she’s about to vomit (she wishes.) Torrann rolls her eyes at her lovely mom, Ann. It really didn’t take but one clip for me to remember why I can’t stand them.
The routine is a lot harder and the parents worry, but Alisha thinks that the faster tumbling and harder stunts will be good for the kids. Torrann broke her foot in the off season, so she’s kinda hesitant to land too hard, which is an acceptable excuse… it’s just all her other ones that annoy me.
Finally a valid reason to be the laziest kid on the team.
Alisha meets with Andrea, as she is the new Team Mom President. As such, she is the eyes and ears of the gym. She definitely is the eyes… and the mouth. Her mouth. Never. Stops. Ann says she’s trying to give Shannon a second chance after hurting her “fillins” by hanging out with Michelle and Bonnie. But Shannon just jumps in and starts Andrea-bashing, which is stupid because all of this is really stupid because I can tell by the editing that none of this is actually really happening in this order. Shannon thinks she could do miracles if she was made President.
Andrea wants to incorporate the Riverdance.
Oh look, now Ann is in gray again talking to Shannon who has no reason to be there. Thanks editors.
For Andrea’s first ever Team Mom Meeting, she decided to have it at the local library in case there was any screaming. Apparently the meeting also took place in the mid-80s, because Bonnie showed up in her favorite acid washed denim jacket. Anyway, don’t call it a fking Mom Meeting. There are families out there with dads that are probably involved and if Arkansas is as backward thinking as this, at least it would explain why some of these women are complete ass hats. Everyone arrives for the meeting and Andrea takes her spot at the podium in her Madam President. (I’m making a shirt for her… it does NOT say Madam President.) She blabs about her all-important role and all the great things that she is going to do. She informs them that she can single-handedly remove any Team Mom at any time. She then wants to appoint her court of merry jesters. Shannon will be the treasurer (because she can count) and some guy, Chris, will be the Vice President. Michelle says that she’ll have “only one man in her life telling her what to do”, so Chris should not count on her support. Okay. Really? You will openly admit that you have a husband that tells you what to do? My husband TELLS me jokes. He doesn’t TELL me to do anything. Arkansas… you need to work on your tourist-marketing plan. Anyway, meeting adjourned.
Where can we get Stupid Cow shirts?
“I’m the brains behind the Stupid Cow.”
“Are y’all fking with me?”
I’ll be castrating you all season. Fear not.
Seriously? Think before you speak.
Back at practice and Alisha is talking to the girls. Cambree won’t put her shoes on and Alisha tells her to sit out if she’s not going to put them on. The moms comment that she needs to get control over her two girls during practice. They fight and hit each other and Alisha tries to coach and parent them at the same time. Alisha says it’s because they’re sister. True. But I wouldn’t care. That would get old really fast for me. I think I agreed with Ann… and that upsets me… but at least Mandy agreed too. Torrann is slow tumbling and Alisha is frustrated. With Torrann it could be her foot, but it also very well could be her awful attitude towards everything.
“I’m too cute to get on anyone’s nerves.”
Sorry cutie. No one is that cute.
“So you don’t think I’m cute?”
Okay. She’s still kinda cute.
Michelle walks into practice in a lovely green sweatshirt that the Jolly Green Giant would have been proud to own. She hates that she has to sit next to the evil-man-telling-her-what-to-do-Chris. She hates that now she hates two people in the gym. I think she should feel lucky, because I have issues with a lot more than two and I’m sitting a thousand miles away.
Maybe we should all agree to stick with orange and black.
Three days to competition and Alisha is worried that she picked Texas to start off with, as they are kind of a cheerleading powerhouse state. Mandy is sitting on the sideline with Ann and she’s shouting out deductions and mistakes. Ann can’t stand this about Mandy. Probably because her daughter is lazy and Mandy doesn’t have a problem telling her as much. Alisha tells the team that they will get NATIONAL JACKETS if they win and I am with them that a jacket is better than a trophy any day. The girls have trouble staying in sync… hell, they have trouble staying focused. The moms are worried they aren’t going to be ready.