Ah. At last we have November. Thank you so much for your patience (and maturity TN Gal) so that I could do
Absolutely nothing yesterday.
November was a fun month and well worth the wait. In addition we will have every single meritorious comment from December on New Year’s Day.
Doing anything special or especially festive that you would like to share? Itchy probably has already celebrated and gone to bed long ago, and Aunt Dorsey will no doubt be settled in with her cats and a few good measures of Old Doorknob. I hope that the Superfly young’uns will either help Mom celebrate or leave her to her own devices.
NotwithoutMyTV, you ARE taking Mrs. NWMTV out for dinner and a fun filled evening, aren’t you? The comments will not be posted until well after the latest breakfast on Wednesday, so you won’t have to worry about missing a thing.
Why don’t Gypsy, Sarcasatire, Sheesh, and Classy Drunk get together for a few with PopePhilly and Vallegirl to celebrate? I’ll bet that even Plockness Monster could get a sitter for the occasion. Just let me know where and I will be there. HubbyCat said he saw enough balls being dropped when he watched me play softball, so he turns in early. It would be fun if RonnieK could join in, but he will be busy making sure the first posts of 2014 get to us in a timely manner. XXOO.
Happy New Year everyone and enjoy the November snark.
Labowner on Comment Showcase: “Chicken Lips on T&T History Fail: You guys have to take a bus to hell? Amateurs. I’ve got 2 first class airline tickets (2 seats because I like to stretch out and dammit I’ve earned it) and the stewardess will bring me all the Tinker Tea and Little Debbies I want!” What in your tinker tea addled mind makes you think your ride to hell is going to be anything but you stuck in a middle seat between two people you dislike the most?
Aunt Dorsey on American Horror Story COven: That was a rough opening. Almost pulled the old visit to the powder room trick but settled for watching between my fingers.
Spalding looks like the wolf from Little Red Riding Hood after he offed granny and put on her nightie. Nice that he’s going to give her a restorative cup of tea.
Aunt Dorsey on RHOM Feud: Almost every screen shot of Lisa had her mouth frozen open in that perfect round “O” of surprise. I guess it’s not a bad attribute in her line of work.
Aunt Dorsey on Survivor Mini: Mrs. Itchy better be holding him by the PepperPooter if he’s that liable to succumb to a sniffy blonde.
Plockness Monster on American Horror Story Coven: Can’t wait to see what C and F do to Hank when they find out he’s been sticking it in other ladies, then blowing their brains out.
Labowner on CS Winners: Chicken, how do you think he will be seducing you onto that plane? You’ve seen American Horror Story. Once those doors close…….
Aunt Dorsey – the bus will be very old, slow, stinky, overly packed, will make a stop at all corners (real or imagined) and every gross creep in the world will be groping you.
CynTv on Top Chef Vietitalian: I think that lobster shirt should be sent over to Project Runway as a challenge. Perhaps someone can turn it into a cocktail dress. And I would just like to say that dancing, lumberjack shirt-wearing werewolves are awesome.
Itchy on Survivor Mini: Burnett’s a well-known and outspoken fundamentalist. No doubt he sees Survivor as a means of hastening the End Times.
PopePhilly on PR All-Stars Creepy: I’m still trying to figure out which designer they’re apologizing to with this season. The last two all stars seasons seemed to be:
We’re really sorry that Gretchen won. Here’s an extra season so we can make our viewers happy again. They were pretty pissed.
Dear Anthony Ryan:
Yeah, we don’t know what we were thinking with Anya either. You’re not really a good designer, but a lot of people liked you. Also, we’ll never give this to anyone who competed when Bravo was showing it (sorry, Uli) and it was clearly better. He’s a win. Enjoy.
Monchichi on RHOM:Gawd, those saggy boobs…if I could just get me a superpower, I think I’d like to be able to “unsee.”
Vallegirl on Survivor Bonehead: I do wonder if they give applicants MENSA tests and anyone who can read MENSA doesn’t get cast.
Cattyfan on Survivor Bonehead: Can you imagine how frustrated the producers are that no one is bothering looking for the Hidden Immunity Idol? That the players are actually relying on strategy and playing the game instead of looking for the producers (manipulations) free pass. Especially since certain previous players used the Idol as their ONLY strategy.
ChaChaon Survivor Bonehead: Telling someone the truth, while wielding it like a ball bat, isn’t “nice.” It’s just plain passive aggressive meanness.
L boggie on Survivor Bonehead: OMG, I didn’t even think of the alternates but now I’m thinking about Gregg’s cavernous anus and that’s just wrong.
Blazergirl on DWTS Chering: Next time I make an error at work, I’m just going to yell “Cher!” They’ll have to let it slide, right?
Sagittariuskim on QUAT Flip you: I want Snow and Charming to have another baby. Just so we can see them explain to them, why their parents and sister are the same age.
Guillermo on Survivor Mini: Yes, I agree Aras is my guy too. I think, starting now, everyone (Well, the men) have to go to Redemption Island NAKED. I volunteer to rub coconut oil on ARAS’ butt. HEY! I’m only volunteering out of the goodness of my heart. I’m thinking about Aras. I don’t want him to get a red butt like that monkey in Pottymouth’s post from a few weeks back. That was gross.
Chaosbutterfly on DWTS Cher-ish: Cher’s face is the flawless creation of all the gods. They lovingly crafted it by hand and were so tired afterwards that they needed a nap and a box of snickers. The next time they worked that hard, Beyonce was born.
So of course it doesn’t move, why would her face move. Does Michaelangelo’s David move? Does the Sistine Chapel move? When was the last time you saw VanGogh’s Starry Night move? What about Boticelli’s Birth of Venus? A masterpiece does not have to move. They exist to move YOU.
Aunt Dorsey on Shahs Guilty Men: I love that selfie that Mercedes took in the white wife-beater bathing suit. It was almost as funny as Honey Boo Boo’s family dressing as the Kartrashians for Halloween. Unlike Kim, at least MJ didn’t use the Vaseline lens app on her phone to photo shop it.
Glad she has the self confidence to wear a bathing suit. Good for her for not hiding herself away from the tyranny of the self-appointed fat police. But, ten pounds of shit in a five-pound sack isn’t a good look and she needs to stop squeezing herself into dresses that are several sizes too small. It makes me nervous, like she’s going to burst and her head’s going to shoot off like a Roman candle.
Classy Drunk on Shahs Guilty Men: I def don’t mind confidence in your body but you also have to know what looks good on you. I don’t give women props for being curvy and wearing a bandage dress. So MJ…please leave the bandage dresses alone.
Eyediosmio on Shahs Guilty Men: And after recapping Couples Therapy with all the alcoholism, spousal abuse and child pornography (looking at Dourtney!) it’s refreshing to recap a show all about idiots dressing tackily.
LAC on RHOA Bizzack: Nene is hilarious deluded. The way she was opening those presents like some ingenue was too much: “Presents? For me? Heavens to betsy!” Only on bravo could a gift from Joe and Teresa be treated so positively. Anywhere else, and it’s tagged as “exhibit 1003″ and stored for trial.
Plockness Monster on Shahs Guilty Men: MJ, burn the white bathing suit and payoff the internet police to get that picture deleted from history. Tragic.
Aunt Dorsey on Shahs Guilty Men: I think Reza called Lilly a “Persian Barbie Doll” but I beg to differ, she’s more like the Persian Olive Oyl just with huge artificial boobage.
Vallegirl on Project Runway Nips: Christopher may be trying catchphrases, but he owes Shangela from RuPaul’s Drag Race for “Halleloo.” And I laughed because I love seeing how and when something from RPDR will crop up on another show.
Paco Sauce on Project Runway Nip: When Chris said that Victor was taking then to church, I hoped that Latrice Royale would barge in and take everyone to church. “Jesus is a biscuit, let him sop you UP.”
Notwithoutmytv on Project Runway Nip: Korto’s nose actually has a side career. In Hollywood, it’s known as a “shadow caster”. Remember in Independence Day, when the alien mothership casts it’s shadow over a whole city? That was Korto’s nose! Korto’s nose also does stunt work. In Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, remember the chase scene where they slammed that crane truck into all those buildings? Korto’s nose was the stunt double for those buildings. SyFy is reportedly working on one of their patented “so bad, it’s actually quite… bad” movies starring Korto’s nose, called “The Proboscus that Pulverized Punxsutawney.” And my sources for such things are NEVER wrong.
Randomnicole on Top Chef Mini: Nina officially became my favorite with “boo, you’re a douche”.
Aunt Dorsey (in reply to vallegirl )on Survivor Mini: Thank you! I cackled so loudly at that, I have just cleared the room of felines.
Churble on Teen Mom3 Taking Chances: And then she danced, and all I can say is bless her heart, she sure does try, doesn’t she?
Aunt Dorsey on Shahs Guilty Men: Such a sweet touch, prom queen ballots with only Lilly’s name on them? I would have done a write-in with Reza-the twink-armpit sniffer’s name on it.
SuzieZee on Shahs Guilty Men: Lilly at least called herself the C word that she is. And yes, Reza knows he’s a dbag for all the crap he did to MJ. And MJ does need to step away from the jumpsuits. No bueno.
Itchy on Comment Showcase: I’m betting a lot of people here are probably really frustrated that they don’t get to not vote for me this week.
Itchy on Survivor Bukkakes: Ozzy doesn’t count. Imagine what would happen if ALL the contestants on this show actually prepared to, you know, survive?
Aunt Dorsey on RHOA Joyce Explains: That bunghole has about as much empathy as a freezing cold toilet seat in the middle of an ice age.
LAC on the Real Fishwives of Hotlanta: For me, this episode can be boiled down to one thought: who is the bigger asshole this week? Momma Joyce and her “ain’t got a life/man/job” self for once again sticking her wig into Kandi’s business? Kenya for her weavy O’hara wailing about Walter and eviction? Or Phaedra for taking Apollo’s balls and using them as paper weights? Ding! Ding! Ding! It’s Peter for being a an epic douchecanoe. My lady parts put up a “do not disturb” sign when he is on the TV. Seriously, that Bar Ain’t Got None forclosure cannot happen sooner. Cynthia, girl bye!
Aunt Dorsey on RHOM Holy S****: I think Joanna was channeling her inner Vicky Gunvalson. Yeah, Joanna is pretty, but I see her mama and imagine her face with its original potato nose.
LAC on RHOA: Mohammed banged Johanna like a gong.
Aunt Dorsey on Top Chef Badass: Reminds me of a crusty old uncle who many decades ago got hopelessly lost in “Filuffia” and finally hailed a cop to ask him, “Where in the HELL is Pussyfuck Avenue?!?”
Classy Drunk on Shahs Boobie: I really love that no one said anything when MJ said “these are my friends” and no one piped up to say “oh no we are Lilly’s friend too.” Even when she started to leave and Lilly said “well I’ll leave since MJ said these are her friends.” and no one STILL said anything. All Asa said was “you’re not going to finish your steak.” HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!! Burn Persian Barbie! BURN!
Nettaboo on Teen Mom3 For Better: Your life isn’t broadcast on a reality tv show, even Jenelle with her non parenting self had a party. She gets paid thousands of dollars to be filmed and barely does anything.
Eyediosmio on Shahs Boobie: LOL, yeah Reza is a “bitch,” isn’t he? It was weird, because when you take your dog to the groomers they do that for you. But MJ is kinda out there anywhere there was a lot of bunghole talk. I liked how uncomfortable it made Mike though, so maybe that was MJ’s tactic all along. Which I can COMPLETELY get behind. Get it, get behind?
LynnB on Teen Mom 3 Taking Chances: OMG Alex dancing is some of the funniest stuff on the show …she is a dance teacher???? BAHAHAHAHAHAHA….I guess in her area where there are probably only 20 people in town she’s the best they got.
Notwithoutmytv on RHOBH Bee: I don’t know which I hate worse, the “Wiccans heal!”
bumperstickers, “Namaste” bumperstickers, or “Eat more cale” bumperstickers. All of them make me feel kind of stabby. Like, “the wife’s watching another Grey’s Anatomy marathon” stabby.
TNGal on RHOBH Bee: See, that’s why I can’t practice black magic, I’d take a pretentious, fake bitch like her down. Well, that and the whole burn in hell thing.
Notwithoutmytv on RHOB Bee: No way. God’s cool. He enjoys seeing a pretentious, fake bitch get taken down as much as anyone else.
Aunt Dorsey on RHOM Holy S****: At least we learned the Brazilian prevarication champion doesn’t like a “limp PEN-is” so I imagine the Viagra prescription gets refilled rather frequently in that house.
Aunt Dorsey on Survivor Mini: I was kind of done with him when I figured St. Vitus was the type to buttonhole every damn guest at any function he’s invited to and tell them his tired, “I was a teen-aged junkie” story and that mom always loved Aras best. I bet Thanksgiving at their house is a passive-aggressive blast.
Itchy on Survivor Mini: Mr. Dangerous has an “ass half-full” way of looking at life.
Jennbug on Vanderpump Rules Jacked Up: In season 1, I vaguely remember Lisa saying that she keeps Stassi around/doesn’t fire her ass despite the attitude, drama, etc. because she has been Pandy’s best friend for years. Not that any smart businesswoman would give a shit that she’s your daughter’s friend if she was a shitty employee, but hey it’s Bravo!
Vallegirl on Project Runway School House: I’ll go out on a limb, after watching how genuinely awful Mondo ended up being on All Stars, and assume his manipulation was just edited out.
TRose on Shahs Guilty Men: So Lily’s party was at Mohammed’s, he was married to Yo and humped on Jo. What’s next? Shopping with Nene? Dinner at the Brownstone?
No I’m Just Glad to See You on QUAT Darlings: “You are so going to walk my plank” Thanks. Way to damper my Hook lust. Every time I look at him I’m going to start snickering again.
Lagatha on School House: I swear that if I have to see that horrid Momma Bear talk about her son’s soiled underwear again, I will find the adman who created this and TP his or her house until they drag me off screaming. I hope I can rely on you to bail me out of jail.
Chaosbutterfly on Teen Mom 3 For Better…: Ugh babies at parties. Just makes your ovaries want to explode into baby-shaped confetti.
Considerthis asked on Survivor Mini: Where’s Colby when you need him?
To which Aunt Dorsey replied: Probably back at the ranch tooling around on the motorcycle Tina promised him after Mr. Chivalrous handed her the win.
Causing Itchy to muse: Hmm. I thought he was Jeff Probst’s cabana boy these days?
Notwithoutmytv on Project Runway School House: Korto’s nose will still be on the set for 12 minutes after the rest of her has been ‘aufed. Her honker should be marked with “This vehicle makes wide right-hand turns” signs.
Honeybunny on RHOB Toddler Tongue: That freaky doll collection reminds me of It’s A Small World ride because I am sure those things are going to come alive and start Chuckying everyone.
Aunt Dorsey on Shahs Enemies: I think the cast was all hiding behind the door when the brains were passed out, so I do make allowances, but nobody likes a malicious tattletale. MJ, there is no need to turn into an arrogant, nasty, judgmental, bitter piece of work like your mama. Whoops, too late! I will say, GG has come a long way, since she didn’t slice MJ into her Terducken component parts.
Itchy on Survivor Urge to Purge: I’m pretty sure Mr. Dangerous has dibs on Pepperpoopchute this season. Probst better watch out.
Notwithoutmytv on Teen Mom3 Dr. Douche: Nothing says “high class” like taking off your shoe in case you get a chance to clock your kid’s baby daddy across the head with it.
Eyediosmio on Shahs Enemies: My theory is Lilly is completely hollow inside. Like, if she fell and broke her arm, just glitter and cotton balls would fall out. She’s so fake.
Itchy on Survivor Mini: Well, let’s look at it this way. Sierra’s on her way to prom when, hey, what’s that? Mom! What are you doing here? You already had your own prom! This one’s mine. No! I don’t care if you brought along a whole BOX of condoms! It’s my prom and he’s my date. So BACK THE FUCK OFF.
Aunt Dorsey on Project Runway Crime: Seth Aaron’s look was not like a librarian. She looked like a fabulously efficient German postal worker.
Aunt Dorsey on Project Runway Crime: Mychael should be an example to all those boneheaded sports stars on how to be a gracious loser and a gentleman. That was one of the nicest Bordello butler uniforms I’ve ever seen.
J-Mo on Top Chef Potluck: I am forever grateful to Tre Giudice for correcting the way we say things… and we must never let Scar forget that she used to blow a big fat writer
Dear Crabby on Top Chef Potluck: I also agree about the potlucks – the food at potlucks needs to make that *queccch* sound when slapped on a paper plate!
Aunt Dorsey on Shahs MJ is…: That was an amazing outfit. Her ass looked like two bags of cats fighting a death match.
Vallegirl on Top Chef Vegan: Nina cracks me up because she’ll say the most vulgar things in that crisp, elegant voice of hers. It always sounds so nice when she tells someone to suck a dick.
Aunt Dorsey on Comment Showcase: Quality control is important and I do want to make sure that the bourbon I add to the sweet potatoes and the pecan pie is top drawer stuff. Plus, it clears the palate and sinuses.
Caffeine72 on Shahs MJis…: Reza’s jacket is the carpet at the Overlook hotel in the Shining. Not sure what that means, but it’s not good and probably very true
SororSalsa on Dancing with the Stars America: OMG, he looked totally plastic! Like George Hamilton and Kenny Rogers just melted together.
Gypsy on RHOBH Cirque: I have found myself refilling my glass of wine or taking a bathroom break during Kim’s segments and watching the commercials instead.
Am I doing it wrong?
Gypsy on Shahs MJ is…: Reza does look like the Muppet, Sam the Eagle:
No, I’m Just Glad to See you on Sleepy Hollow Hollowgiving: Apparently, Colonial clothing is built to last. Must be partially teflon too. When I try to get blood stains out of clothes it takes vats of tide and a string of colloquial profanities that would make Ich blush.
Aunt Dorsey on Sleepy Hollow Hollowgiving: But with all these heaving bosooms, where oh where is the mandatory accompaniment of “throbbing manhood” that all those romance novelists write about?
Aunt Dorsey on Watch What Crappens #105: I’m thankful I was born in this country and did not have to struggle through the terrible hardships that Boob God’s sexbot, Lisa Hochstein, had to go through after emigrating from Canada. Foreign languages are so haaaaard!
Eyediosmio on Shahs MJ is…: But damn, you are so right about Asa being a demented Statue of Liberty! Love that! She’s such a sweet weirdo. And you know what? I love her wearing tight pants with that big ol butt. You work it girl.