Mob Wives Recap: What Happens in Vegas Requires Rehab

Hey, Trahsies! I hope you had as merry a Christmas as I did. After eating too much, drinking too much, and talking too much, I am totally ready to simply snark on some bitches. The problem is that I feel like Renee has a VERY real mental health issue and I have a hard time snarking on that. So, this recap may be filled with outrage on her behalf, but everyone else is fair game.

We start with last week’s drama, and Renee’s outrage over Natalie saying that Renee’s Rent-a-date smelled delicious. That one comment is not only the entire storyline for the episode, it is the excuse Renee uses for her behavior.

Renee is with her son, AJ, and his girlfriend. Did his girlfriend dye her hair? Or is this a different girlfriend?

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They are meeting Renee’s Rent-a-date, and he is running late. Renee is very sure that Natalie’s behavior at their last get together has made Rent-a-date have second thoughts. She orders wine, and tells us that her issue was with pills, not alcohol.

I don’t know if you guys have ever met your own personal Kim Richards, but I know for a fact that you can’t trade out one addiction for another. That is exactly what Renee is doing here. Well, if you actually believe that pills were her only problem, then that is what she is doing. Most likely, the booze was a problem first and then she started mixing the two and thought that if she just got off pills, everything else would be fine. That never works!

The_More_You_Know

Rent-a-date joins them and AJ is so over this entire scene. He looks so uncomfortable and embarrassed and his poor girlfriend is trying to be supportive while being hyper aware of the cameras. It is just so AWKWARD.

Rent-a-date talks about his connections in the rap industry and mortifies everyone watching the show on his behalf. Then, he tells them that he actually has a previous engagement (except, I don’t think he knows how to say those exact words), and needs to jet very soon. I wonder if this guy is working for just camera time and booze?

If there is an award for being the best at exploiting a family member, I think that Jennifer G. would be top dog.

I’ve never watched a single episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians, but I can bet that even those vapid bitches gasp in horror at someone exploiting a family member so recklessly for profit. Even Kyle Richards has nothing on Jennifer G. And while I do mean that Jennifer G. is exploiting her sister, I also mean that she is exploiting her nephew.

not-impressed

Natalie and her (allegedly) gay boyfriend, London, are having date night. She tells London about Renee’s reaction to delicious-gate and he says something about the lifestyle that Renee lives. It’s comedically ridiculous and I don’t know if I am supposed to think it’s funny, or if they are being serious and I just think it is funny.

Big Ang (Yay!) and Drita meet up with Alicia to watch golf, and Renee meets up with them (if that doesn’t tell you how scripted this show is, nothing else ever will – seriously? Golf?). What we have here is two women who know they don’t belong, and Big Ang (yay!) who knows she belongs anywhere she wants to go. Drita talks to us about how they don’t belong on golf courses because their guys don’t play golf – they carry the clubs. Renee says some shit about sticks and balls. Alicia says that she feels weird being there. Big Ang makes it known from the beginning that her husband plays golf, so it’s not a big deal for her.

The women talk about the assholes to whom they are now attached. Alicia, channeling BRAVO, suggests a girl’s trip. The only problem is that she has to make sure the trip doesn’t jeopardize her parole.

So, they are going to Vegas!

I hope no one goes on a bender if I say that I find these women DELICIOUS! Granted, their lifestyle is just so foreign to me, that I have a hard time figuring out what is just funny producer hi-jinx versus serious stuff that I should care about. I just love these women together and I wish that Jennifer G. would allow them to be more natural with each other.

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Everyone is excited, and Alicia starts talking about invites. She (just like every reality host of a trip ever) wants to invite the person production told her to invite – which means Alicia is inviting Natalie no matter what everyone else says.

Renee is all on her high horse about Natalie complimenting Rent-a-date and is simply not having it. She even breaks out the fake tears while she tells us that Rent-a-date hasn’t been returning her calls.

I laugh. Then, I feel bad. Then, I laugh some more. I start thinking that it is probably inappropriate for me to laugh at someone who is so obviously in mental distress. Then, I laugh some more. Yes, I am going to hell, but I will go with a huge grin on my face and a laugh in my heart.

What the hell is going on with Drita? Y’all know I love me some Drita, but she really needs to drop Lee. Part of her story line this year is her remodel with Lee. She claims that he is working a normal job and spending time with the kids while she is managing her own business and doing the show (she doesn’t say the “doing the show” part because she isn’t stupid).

Drita understands what it takes to get a reality show to pay for your improvements and renovations. She is totally willing to advertise that hardware store so she doesn’t have to pay for the random one time purchases. But she is sick of doing all of the renovation stuff on her own. Especially since Lee wants them to have the most expensive of everything.

Here is the issue: Drita is practical. She has been raising two kids by herself, and now she has the show to launch some kind of career. Lee does not like his wife doing things that put her in the spotlight. He doesn’t want her to realize that she can do anything without him. He definitely doesn’t want her to realize that her life doesn’t revolve around him.

Lee wants Drita to be the one who looks after the kids and at home while still bringing in enough money to keep him from having to truly do an honest day’s work.

But, Drita seems to really love Lee.

I just have a hard time believing that Drita would want either of her daughters to settle for a guy like Lee.

While Drita is at the hardware store, she talks to Lee. He doesn’t want her to go to Vegas with her girlfriends and while Drita tries to explain why it’s important, he hangs up on her.

Drita is pissed. But, she isn’t the right kind of pissed. She is pissed because Lee hung up on her. She isn’t angry at the very idea that he simply doesn’t want to be home with is children, or because he thinks it’s her job.

She isn’t angry about the fact that he left her to be the single mother holding everything down until he got out of jail. She is pissed simply because the call got disconnected. I’m not giving Lee any kind of pass here. I’m just saying that Drita should be pissed at more than just the call.

After being out of prison, Lee is sick of being responsible for his daughters while their mother earns a living for all of them by being on television.

Drita has spent the majority of her time as a mother trying to explain to her children why their dad wasn’t there and could only talk on the phone for a certain amount of time. Drita had to explain to her daughters that their father wasn’t going to be there for birthdays, recitals, and holidays.

Lee’s only true involvement with these kids has been the time he spent with them on the phone, or the time he is spending with them now. So, if it were me, I would be pissed at him for being a douche that wants me to do all of the heavy lifting while he tries to get back into his pre-jail life.

I love you Drita. Please do not try to fight or kill me.

hardware-store

Alicia and Natalie meet up because Alicia wants to pick models for her boutique and Philly fashion week, or something.

The fashion show wasn’t much to write about, so let’s skip to their Vegas conversation. Natalie just wants this chance to be the drunken girl who starts drama, and she doesn’t get that Renee has that position on lock! She isn’t surprised that Rent-a-date isn’t returning Renee’s calls, because bitch is crazy!

Time for Vegas, and rock bottom.

Big Ang (yay!) arrives to pick up Renee. Renee has been feeling anxious and is definitely off the wagon. She talks about how she needs to take a couple of Xanax to calm down. OK, Renee kept stressing that her issue wasn’t with alcohol, it was with pills. So, why is she talking so nonchalantly about Xanax? Where would she even get the pills? Is her doctor not aware of her addiction issues? At the airport she is showing signs of Kim Richards’s Syndrome and is completely erratic in her behavior. How can Jennifer G. film this and exploit her sister’s obvious mental issues this way? On the ride to the hotel, she is popping champagne and I am thinking this cannot end well.

They get to their suite and Renee makes straight for the bar and another bottle of champagne. All the while, she is mumbling incoherently and generally making me worry about all of this.

champagne vodka-tequila

As she is pouring a glass, she is talking about all of the other booze they need like Vodka and tequila. Ang is really worried at this point. She says that she doesn’t know what triggered this, but Renee had 8 Bloody Marys on the plane – ok plane drinks are small, but still. Now, Renee is dropping shit on the floor and Ang can only shake her head.

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In addition to the Bloody Marys and champagne, Renee tells us that she also took two Xanax before she got on the plane. Either they were prescribed to a known addict or she got them illegally. Either way, Jennifer G. should be encouraging her to get help and not filming her down slide. Ang is praying that Drita gets there soon because she needs back up to deal with this drag queen.

Drita arrives in Vegas without a clue about what is about to go down. She is blown away by the suite. Between her, Ang, and the producers, The Palms just got some major publicity.

Ang fills Drita in on Renee’s soon to be lost weekend and they both think that Vegas was the wrong place to bring a recovering addict. I’m looking at you Jennifer G.

Natalie and Alicia arrive and meet up with the rest of them for dinner. Everyone is having a great time drinking, smoking, and gambling. Ang is very worried about Renee, though. Apparently, Renee hasn’t slept in 3 days, she has been drinking nonstop and we don’t know if she added more pills to the party. She decides go to bed, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief and continue to gamble and have fun.

After Drita gambles A LOT (seriously, are all of these women addicts? Addicted to loser men, addictec to gambling, addicted to cigarettes, addicted to booze, and pills, and the “life?”).

gambler

The women, head back to suite after Drita bets 2k on something – She loses and I want to shake her for not realizing that the house always wins. Natalie is happy to be around women who are as drunk as she is for a change. Except for Drita’s degenerate gambling it seems like a fun time. They head back up to to room.

They jump on the rotating bed and bond. They are giggling, and talking, and doing everything I did at sleepovers, without it happening on a tacky rotating bed in an equally tacky suite at the Palms.

spinning-bed

Then, Renee shows up on the balcony.

I can’t tell if she is in a mismatched bathing suit or if she is in her underwear. That isn’t the problem, though. She is mumbling incoherently and staring at the pool and the view. It’s very dramatic and I can’t tell if she is legitimately losing her shit, or if this is a bid for attention since everyone else was having fun without her.

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Drita and Ang go out to check on her and then she spots Natalie. You can actually see the crazy radiating from her body.

And that’s all for now! I have to admit that I am torn about this season so far. I want to indulge in the over the top crazy drama that these bitches bring to the table, but I don’t enjoy seeing a woman being so shamelessly exploited by her own sister. I get that Renee is an adult and it is her choice to be on the show. But, I wonder how mentally competent she is and whether or not she is capable of making that decision.

What do you guys think? Is Renee acting out for attention? Will they address the real issues behind her behavior (sorry, she has not known Rent-a-date long enough for this to be about him)? What about that whole Drita/Lee situation? I hate them together so much. She could do so much better.

Tell me your thoughts in the comments.