Previously all of Christmas wishes were DENIED when we learned that Jax and Kristen most likely did not bang. BORED. This week it’s back to wondering whether or not Tom and Ariana banged, and I care far less about that possibility. Mostly due to the fact that it probably happened and it doesn’t involve Stassi in a murderous rage, so the shock/entertainment factor is nil.
Everyone shows up to a work meeting lead by Lisa who’s wearing fabulous heels:
… and a pretty questionable top.
Lisa’s briefing the staff about the dinner she’ll be having the following night in the garden for Brandi, Mohammed, Yolanda and Joyce – she knows it’ll be a shitshow before it even happens so she advises the staff that everything needs to look great and go perfectly, at least on their end. And this is the team she chooses? Talk about starting off on a sinking ship. She also advises that her friends are… particular, so everyone will need to work that much harder to please them. Stassi translates for the rest of us what that means: Lisa’s friends are assholes who come in, drink the place dry, act like assholes and order things like a chicken salad, but with no chicken and instead of salad, could they have a bowl of white wine? Yeah, those people. BTW, if you’re one of those people, you’ve eaten saliva. Not mine, I don’t engage in such immature behavior, but others of my ilk (Stassi or Kristen, probably) are not so blessed with my patience.
Afterwards, Tom and Jax head to set up the bar and Katie and Stassi head out back to… I don’t know, not do their sidework? Sounds about right. They all talk about the same thing, though, and that’s Jax spreading the rumor that Tom and Ariana hooked up at Coachella. Let me break it down for you so you don’t have to relive the ten minutes of back and forth redundancy I did. Jax implied ON CAMERA that Tom and Ariana slept together. Jax told Stassi this. Jax told Katie this. This got back to Tom. Tom was mad. Jax denied ever saying it (even though it has been caught ON CAMERA), and Katie’s pissed to once again, look like an asshole. Katie comes over to confront Jax about making her look like an asshole, and Jax basically tells her she’s been making herself look an asshole a lot lately. Point to Jax. Essentially, Jax calls everyone else a liar, which usually means he is, so that means… Christ, I don’t even know. My opinion on whether or not Tom and Ariana slept together is the same.
It’s as if the show hears my thought ray, because at that moment, Kristen walks up to Stassi and Katie and gives us the daily report on Tom’s phone. Seriously, she acts like she’s doing an evening traffic report when she rolls up on Stassi and Katie to talk outside. She finds a pair of calls between Tom and Ariana and just can’t understand why she keeps finding things on Tom’s phone that “shouldn’t be there.” You know what shouldn’t be on Tom’s phone, Kristen? Your white knuckled grip. Even Stassi (even STASSI) thinks Kristen’s gone too far at this point and is only making the situation worse. But Kristen still decides to get Tom to ‘fess up about the phone calls somehow, despite Katie and Stassi advising her that it’ll go nowhere good.
At the same time, in the height of ironic editing, Tom tells Jax that he and Kristen are doing great at the moment (like, seriously, the moment. They probably had a decent 60 seconds that afternoon and Tom’s hanging on to it for dear life.), so he doesn’t want to hear any rumors. He heads out back to take a break.
Okay, so Kristen either showed up to work wasted or Tom’s break was long enough for her to get that way. She heads outside to the patio to meet him and poor Tom is so unsuspecting that he greets her with a ton of sweetness and actually hands her his phone to look at a funny video. She pretends to look at it for two seconds then drunkenly pouts, “Why’d you call Ariana?” Tom CANNOT believe the same argument is coming up again, this time from his own girlfriend, but then fully understands the situation when he realizes Kristen is schnockered. He finally blows up that he didn’t do anything wrong by having a conversation with a friend, and Kristen stalks off. He yells at her that she needs to decide whether or not she wants to be his girlfriend and we cut to commercial.