Patti gets Joe alone to decide on his mini-dates. He liked Michelle, the fitness/football/wrestler and Natalie the law student who looks like she could be Joe’s daughter. He seems to have a tough time to pick between the two but he ends up choosing Natalie because he thought they had good chemistry. Patti says she was shy and a dark horse. In her talking head, she said Natalie was her favorite. She was SO NOT but whatever, Patti.
Since Frank flaked out and we’re down one d-bag, Patti visits Teague Egan, entrepreneur, at a local restaurant to set him up with Yolibeth. She calls him out on blowing off the girls she set him up with in the past and says he’s got to cut that out and start listening to Patti, the all-knowing. She says Teague is a nightmare but she’s desperate she likes him and has a girl to train him right. She tells Teague no more sexy times for three months and makes him shake on it. He won’t be shaking anything else for a while since he agrees (on camera) to her terms. She’s going to set up a cooking lesson date for them and this will be a chaperone situation. Patti’s dragging her boyfriend along to critique Teague’s dating skills.
Double date from hell, y’all
PATTI’S CORNER – DANCE LESSON EDITION
Marissa, Justin and David line up and show Patti their twerking skillz. Patti calls out Marisa’s camel toe and dubs it “massive”. She’s such a good friend.
We next find Joe playing volleyball on the beach as Natalie skips up from her Barbie car to join the party. Joe introduces Natalie to Rachel who is an AVP player (pro volleyball). Natalie either has played before or is a natural. Joe likey. They invite another couple to join in for a game and get soundly thrashed until they decide to communicate. Natalie says she’s having a great time and Joe says he has another surprise for her. Is it in his pants?
On to Teague, Yolibeth, Patti and David who are getting a cooking lesson at Cook LA. The owner of the place says they’re going to learn how to make gluten-free pasta. Patti says she’s going to keep the eagle eye on him since he doesn’t listen and is a lazy fuck. They put their aprons on and Patti immediately starts acting like a bitch wanting Teague to talk to Yoli. She’s screaming at him to ask questions as the chef is explaining what they’ll be doing. RUDE. Teague waits until the owner is done talking and then starts making conversation. Patti is haranguing him in the background. GAH. She’s so annoying! A little while later they all toast each other.
Back to Joe and Natalie. Joe set up a picnic on the beach with some Cristal which Natalie cannot pronounce since her braces came off last week. Joe pops the cork and kills a gull. They small talk for a while and have drinkies. Joe calls Natalie hot.
Over to Teague and the gang eating what they just cooked. Patti admonishes Teague for pouring his wine before Yoli’s. They small talk and Patti finds out that Teague’s going to run in the Boston Marathon. Yoli liked that and is glad to know that he’s not the typical LA guy. She should reserve judgment on that for a little while longer. Teague states that he and Yoli will go out after dinner and they’re bringing their friends along. Patti and David say a “hell, no” to that and make them go out just the two of them. Teague says, “yes sensai” and all is right with the world.