The day after Christmas, and my hope for my fellow Trashmii, Trashtalkers, Trash… whatever your favorite thing to call us… is that you had just the kind of holiday you had hoped to enjoy. I suspect that the readers who are enjoying the Best of______ Comments today are those of you who are at the office.
Wherever you are, here are the very best of July. Maybe your comment is here, in excellent company.
Cloudsinmycoffee on Couples Therapy: Also, FF has contributed to it. If week after week I had to watch a show where my fiancee was fucking a new woman, I’d lose my shit too. (Actually, I would have stabbed his testicles the moment he told me about the show and THEN had left, but that’s just me). She dresses as if she were a twenty year old chola, with those ratty ass bangs and the make-up. Ugh. Also, I think that the frown face is her permanent expression; nobody’s lips look like a parenthesis on its side.
Plockness Monster on Big Brother: You know he cried when he got those tats. “This is the pain my ancestors must have felt. WAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Itchy on Big Brother: He’s a proud member of the Douchebag Nation. Isn’t their reservation every Ed Hardy store?
Juddfan on Big Brother: I like the name Baywatch for David, but last night, while I was gagging to myself, looking at the blondes admire each other, I wanted to call him Farrah . . .
Itchy on Justin Bieber, Selena, Deen, Hernandez & Bachelor: My goodness… I’m just trying to imagine what the inside of your brain looks like…
Followed by RonnieK: Says the guy with that avatar!!
BedHeadJen on T&T Tomato: I need an APB on one Sarah McLachlan, stat! I have never wished harm on anyone, until I watched ‘Princess Fugly of Fartsalot Holler’ give that poor kitty Shaken Kitty Syndrome.
I hope she sharts herself in front of the popular kids at school while wearing white pants.
Dqh257 on BB Floaters: Although, to be fair @cattyfan, I do think “Faggoty Ann-dy” is pretty fucking hysterical.
Snarkster on T&T Tomato: There was way too much stupid in this episode. I want to sit all of those moms down and explain birth control.
NotWithoutMyTV on T&T Tomato: Nancy, you’re not doing it right. You’re supposed to call the other commenter names, then get all biblical on their ass. say something like “I hope you have fun in hell when Satan pulls off your arms like a mean boy would torture a spider for all eternity, you fuck!!!!”
You’re welcome. I just want you to be the best T&T commenter you can be, so that you can add to our rich tapestry of hate.
The wrong Spock on T&T Tomato: Soooooooooo, f*** off already with your super judgmental, I’m so superior and would never say that, b*******. I just want to enjoy people’s unfiltered inside thoughts but you’re annoying me and making me all shouty, which is making my dog super stressed out and I just can’t have that.
TNGal on T&T Tomato: @thewrongspock…no, my boyfriend is an a-list actor that I met on Facebook but he works too much to have time to meet in person. But he totally loves me and calls me and texts me all the time, and just as soon as this current big contract he has in Persia is done, he’s taking me to like Paris, or somewhere romantic (he promised!)where I just know he’s totally going to propose, ya know? Because we’re like soul mates and meant to be. I just can’t wait to meet him in person!
Itchy on The Bachelorette: The biggest problem I had with James was that I could practically smell all that Axe body spray he probably uses. It was like the smell was pouring out of the speakers. Ew.
LAC on Okay it’s not the News…: Why anyone is watching this show with such a hateful cast of creeps is beyond me. I would rather do a marathon of RHONJ and no wine than watch this awful display of humanity. And that is with Teresa screeching. Bless you recappers….
The wrong Spock on Okay, It’s Not the News: These assrockets just need to find a car fire and get in it.
Chaosbutterfly on Jennifer Aniston’s GI Tract…: . I know Jennifer never goes with a strong lip…you have to have some kind of personality or edge to do a bold lip color and Jennifer is about as edgy as a cliff in Kansas.
ChickenLips on Irony Bites BB: It’s because no one realized he was exposing himself.
Because there are no magnifying glasses allowed in the BB house.
CattyFan on BB Spelling: McCrae looks like what would happen if you put Daniel Radcliffe and Gotye in a blender, then kept the result from showering for two weeks.
Ellemenop on T&T Tomato: ooh, boxed wine is my favorite! you can cut a hole on top and sip right out of the carton like a juice box!
ChickenLips on T&T Tomato: Actually, Nancy, I don’t think they are going to grow up, find this site and read all the horrid horrid things that spew from our Little Debbie stained fingers, possibly for one, or all, of these reasons:
1) They won’t know how to read polysyllabic words (it means “more than one syllable” Nancy)
2) Their trailer park isn’t internet ready
3) Their boss at the strip club won’t give them the wifi passwords – customers only!
ChickenLips on Dance Moms: I totally agree with my second row spot – I strive for mediocrity and by God have I achieved it!
The Wrong Spock on T&T Tomato: don’t worry …we can tell the difference between a typing error, a device autocorrect, and a barely literate assrocket!!
BedHeadJen on T&T Tomato: Is Nancy a disgruntled hostess employee who stalks Little Debbie lovers in an attempt to avenge the Twinkie? I bet she has a Hoverround.
Itchy on Siberia: I find it amusing you believed this was a real show — probably more fun watching it that way. (On the other hand, I watched that Anvil movie thinking it was another Spinal Tap, and kept waiting it for it to be funny…)
L Green on T&T Mini: And as a fellow teacher, I have wanted to say countless times to the same clueless parents when they comment on how utterly marvelous they think their little hellion is: “Your sperm and your egg did NOT create a diety!” But of course, as a professional, I don’t actually say that…..
Dear Crabby on T&T Mini: YAY! Another moron who is going to report us, probably to the “internet police.” How have we not just harvested organs from people like this? And who was it a couple of weeks ago who requested a Star Chamber to sterilize idiots? I think that idea could get some strong support.
The Wrong Spock on T&T Mini: Also, the constant use of “bitch” is the adult version of saying, “I know you are but what am I.” Honestly, I’ve had menstrual cycles more interesting and challenging than you.
Tapnfeet99 on Dance Moms: Shoot, did I fail to hit the post reply button last week? It’s like having pregnancy brain except I can’t find anyone to actually knock me up..OMG….they should do a dance about ME!
Wittie on Breaking Amish (responding to Nancy’s snit about bags placed over the head): When my son was about 18 months old we were eating with my brother at a truck stop in Casper, Wyoming. Jason had managed to put about 1/3 of his food in his mouth and the rest was smeared on his face, neck, hands, etc. My brother asked for a doggie bag and when the waitress brought a brown paper bag he promptly put it over Jason’s head so no one had to look at him. It was an improvement.
Chaosbutterfly on Catfish: It makes sense that she would not want to look him up or otherwise disturb the illusion….if you’re in the ocean during a storm and a life preserver floats down from the sky, you don’t pop a hole in it.
Plockness monster on US No Longer Most Obese: I am sure America is the cause of Mexico’s obeseness. Since the country is attached to the U.S. (our “pants,” if you will), I bet we are shipping all of our rejected food/drink products across the border for all to enjoy.
“Oh, we had these Doritos 110% more fatty than the FDA allows? Ship ‘em to Mexico!”
Considerthis on US No Longer Most Obese: Outsourcing obesity – enough is enough! Bring back the Twinkies and we shall overcome.
Dqh257 on Catfish: The Craigslist meetups are saved for the ID Network.
RonnieK on Vicki Attacks Lauri:: No kidding!! The fact that these women haven’t been drowned, set fire to, or turned to salt proves that God doesn’t watch reality shows.
Qpert on Brandi Defends…: he said your wit is what pisses people off and you cut so deep with your words all they can do IS call you a bitch.
Superfly on Brandu Defends…: Who hasn’t gotten wasted and lost their clothes? I’m still missing a pair of Normandy Rose jeans after an awesome high school kegger in 79!
Marionmoney on T&T Mini: I think Brenna’s neighbors pay for her pageants, just to keep her and her pink Caddie off the road for a day or two at a time. The sweet bliss of silence is worth the price.
Jaime Somers on T&T Mini: I think Brenna needs to go with that nice man in the windowless van who has candy and is looking for his lost puppy. Bye Brenna!
Chick110 on Bieber Kicked out: So we finally get the scoop on where MC Hammer’s pants went after the bankruptcy.
Madelyne on DanceMoms: Oh wait. Shut up. Floyd wants to tell a joke about Cathy. “What’s the difference between a bitchy queen and an evil queen? A bitchy queen will say ‘are you going to wear that?’ and an evil queen will say ‘you look terrific’.” What the fk was that? That’s not a joke. (What’s the difference between a bonus and a penis? NOTHING, Floyd will blow both. Now THAT’S a joke.)
NotWithoutMyTV on RHOC Hot in Canada: Now Canada has a see-through plastic window on its pastel colored funny money. I love going to Canada. I feel like I’m buying shit with Monopoly bills. I pay for a life-affirming cappachino and a maple elcair at Premiere Moisson and I break into giggles at the counter like I’m getting away with something. I’m not sure that even death would end Vicki’s insane evil. Her physical form would just dissolve into a foul-smelling vapor, and her vile soul would seek out some dank, dark hiding place, biding its time until Brooks got a new teenaged slam-puppy, or a sweet insurance deal came along to draw her presence back into the material world. And woe, for the Uberhag Victoria shall doth reign in crazed darkness and oppressive personal injury premiums.
JimbobJones on Masterchef Mini; Krissi was SUCH a twunt this episode. She really needs to get hit by a bus or something. No wonder her kid is so fat — he’s got to turn to food to get away from his bitch of a mother.
Cloudsinmycoffee on Suri gets Sworn at…: Had I been Katie and had heard what this dick had said, I would have stopped the car. Left my child in the backseat, stepped out of the vehicle and cursed that man out twenty five times from Sunday’s left testicle. I would have lost my ever loving mind.
Jane and Blanche on Big Brother Chenbot: To quote the Godfather “every time I think I’m out, they pull me back in!!!” Christ!!! What a shit show! I want to punch aaryan nation in their face!!!! Stupid girls….
Dqh257 on Big Brother Chenbot: @sarcasatire, I kind of wish Howard never said the quote, “I don’t know how to talk verbally.” Way to trade in stereotypes, Howie!
CattyFan on Big Brother Chenbot: Aryan, the new Cover Girl for White Power Quarterly…a magazine proud to be published three times a year.
Considerthis on Couples Therapy: Liz wants to leave Flav and suddenly Clooney’s single again. Coincidence – I think NOT!
Itchy on Big Bro in 2 Min: “If women worked together, there’d be no Bravo” -classic!
Itchy on Big Bro Flipping Beds: I find it amazing that the description for Narcissistic Personality Disorder fits Aaryn/Aryan so perfectly. The only thing it leaves out is : “has cold, dead eyes, no upper lip and probably uses her teeth when she’s giving head.”
Plockness monster on Big Bro Flipping Beds: Aaryn is so gross. I hope she ends up marrying an old, rich fattie that cheats on her all of the time. THEN, the one time she decides that she can cheat too, she gets caught and her guarenteed millions are void because she signed a pre-nup. By then, she’s in her 40′s and unrecognizable because of all of the plastic surgery, which includes her botched vaginal rejuvination. Somebody can no longer orgasmmmmmmmm!!!!
Sarcasatire on Siberia: You mean to tell me that after a week in Siberia, no one has caught the runs yet? #suspendeddisbelief
Plockness Monster on Chris Brown’s Probation: Why is it, that the mention of Chris Brown, makes me want to punch the closest living thing??
NotWithoutMyTV on Chris Brown: Sounds like Chris Brown also often punches the closest living thing… which is usually Rihanna.
PottyMouth on Brain Rot: There’s a hot spring at my house and I PROMISE not to get offended if Hugh gets naked in it!
Pegster on MIke’ Boogie’s Extortion Case: The sex cost a million bucks, but the genital warts were free.
dqh257 on Mike Boogie’s Extortion Case: In an ironic twist, Mike Boogie is paying old men for sex and here I always thought he’d be the old man who paid for sex.
Merrry on Miley Cyrus’s Skirt: Aw, isn’t it cute how she’s trying SO hard to be edgy? Barf.
Considerthis on The Challenger Rivals 2: My cat just coughed up an exact replica of Jasmine’s wig – then ate it again – too bad Jasmine can’t do the same.
Chaosbutterfly on Project Runway: Protect that Unicorn: And why is he even on the show if he doesn’t use electricity in his process? Does he think those sewing machines and lights and cameras are powered by supermodels on hamster wheels?
Hot cawfee on RHONJ: OK re last night—ohmygoodlord–Holy Water, ball-biting, Mels hat toss to Midge, Dr V and la vita vagina, and the hot tub. I am………no words right now.
Itchy on Big Brother Registered: Mark my words: this season will decide the future of America.
LynnB on Dance Moms – ” I think Abby was over the top sweet to Maddie this week just to try to get the other women pissed…she loves that more than she loves dipping her fries in gravy at bedtime.”
Chaosbutterfly on Kelly Rowland Rescued: See, that’s what happens when you try to get a free whale tour.
I bet they not gonna try that foolishness again.
The Wrong Spock on dance Moms: oh my gosh, Chicken Lips that made me laugh soooooooooo hard. Even though everyone knows you can’t club a baby seal with a dead puppy because they are too fluffy!!
Labowner on Princesses Long Island: What was she like before her stroke? I believe she is one of those bugs that curly up into a ball when you try to kill them.