April’s Best Comments
Day four and we are in April with another month’s worth of note-worthy comments. When I opened the file I couldn’t believe who had made the first comment. Can you?
Itchy on Mini Survivor, Cockring’s a term of endurance: Yes, yes, I know, it’s reaching. But what the hell. It’s Easter. Hard to be funny on Easter. Well, it’s also April Fool’s. But that’s not my joke. Ha ha.
Gypsy on Real World STD: Oh and Jessica, don’t wear a thong all season, I don’t want to see that huge blue bird bleeping out your arse all season.
Itchy on Survivor Special: In fact, we’re all being treated to a preview of that wacky new situation comedy “Heeeere’s Phillip!” Premieres next fall on OWN.
Aunt Dorsey on Splash Clothes: I would think jumping from a three-storey building would be a LOT less scary than having to suck Hugh Hefner’s withered old pecker.
Aunt Dorsey on Survivor Special: I think Probst deserves a reward. He probably wants to play. So he should be put on the island with an all Hose Wife game of Survivor with Andy Cohen making up the carnival games and playing his role. I’d watch that.
Catty Fan on Project Runway Verge: Richard may look like a Mandrake Root, but it’s Layana who makes me want to put on ear protection.
TheMiki on Preachers’ daughters Judge: That would have been accurate. I am probably an evil little perv.
Gypsy on RHOBH Reunion: @TC DFW you are not alone in the plight of Humans Against Apple Autocorrect Syndrome or HAAAS.
Gypsy on RHOBH Stains: Let’s stick Kyle, Faye, Tre, Caroline, Vicki, Jill Zarin, the Cuntess & Kenya all on Bikini Island and let them melt from radiation exposure.
AmyOops on Survivor…Special: @Aunt Dorsey AAAHHHHH! I misread your comment at first and now I can’t get the image out of me head of Hantzy wearing pink panties!
CattyFan on Hell’s Kitchen Fat Kids: My only objection to your writing is the inclusion of The Price Is Right mountain climber game, because now I’m hearing that damn yodeling in my head.
Itchy Walking Dead, Shawshank: Give us at least one scene with at least one morbidly obese zombie waddling in for an attack.
Bonus points if you include the entire cast from this season’s Biggest Loser!
Gypsy on RHOBH Reunion: I am serious! Brandi & Lisa especially look like circus clowns or Heath ledger.
PopePhilly on DWTS Mini: @thisbuggs4u: I like Wynonna. I want very badly to go out for beer and wings with her. However, her “dancing” just makes me sad.
Pat Ledoux on Drag Race Mini: Hey Vallegirl, ya think it’ll piss Kristen Johnston off when I tell you i have no fucking idea who she is???????
That’s beacuse I don’t!
Faye on DWTS Mini: Not sure what “every single go 3 ways” I should stop drinking in the middle of the day ..
Classy Drunk on RHOC Season 8: Bama Belles was the ish!!!
Chaosbutterfly on Bravo Ordered 17: Most of these shows are shows that they either already have or have already tried, but with a different cast. Aren’t they tired of having an entire network full of rich people behaving badly?
Will not watch.
Nads on Bravo Ordered 17: hahhahahahahahahaah. This is so that SNL sketch! 1) The Shahs of my mother’s living room
2) The real apartment wives of Compton
Gypsy on RHOB Reunion, Twitch is a hoarder!… She sure as shit is not getting rid of her fave pillow!
PlathAddict on Mob Wives Down: @JennBug HA! Tatas! I’m such a 12 year-old when it comes to my sense of humor. I’ll see what I can do about getting pics of the tats though (it’s contagious, I almost typed tatas too!).
NotWithoutMyTV on RHOB Sober: Twitch’s Precious Moments boo-boo face is tiresome. I think she (or someone) is painting her eyebrows on to always look like a golden retriever puppy that’s just been scolded.
Gypsy on RHOB Sober: @ohralphie@ Dammit, you just made me laugh so hard I shat on my pillow! YOU DRUNK!
@NWMTV- Do I hear you calling for a Smudging of the Bravo offices??? Hmmmmm, very interesting.
Crankyguy on RHOB Sober: The Dr. Seuss image along with the pillow incident reminded me of a title that was in a top-ten list of the all-time least-loved children’s books: “The Cat Who Shat in the Hat.
Outhousecat on Vicki Gunvalson’s New Face: Why is her new chin trying to exit stage right? How come her eyelashes are in competition with her brows?
Lady Shadhady on Vicki Gunderson’s Face: They applied the nostrils crooked-ly!
Itchy on Survivor Mini: I took my gay for a walk this morning. She was so happy! You should have seen her frolicking with the football! It was so charming! She sure loves to get down n’ dirty! But then she saw the field hockey team and she was off like a bullet. Didn’t think I’d ever catch her. Whew!
Truthsquad on Which of the NYH Coming Back?: Bring back Jill Zarin! She’s tanned, rested…and really really bitter!
Pat Ledoux on Drag Race (Not) Royale: Coco is truly a bitter little troll, go home already. If he wins this I shall hop into my Mustang, drive to California and personally kick RuPaul in the gonads. Then I will apologize, but will be glad I did.
Lady Shadahy on Drag Race (Not) Royale: OUCH!!! Sassy Sloth made me laugh-a-snort my hot coffee!!!! Bad Sassy Sloth…BAD!!!!
Merry on Drag Race (Not) Royale: The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that Coco’s not really a drag queen: she’s a Toddlers and Tiaras stage mom in hiding from her angry offspring.
NotWithoutMyTV on Game of Thrones Back: I’m not sure what they feed Kandi Burruss on the set of RHOA, but I just hope that it’s wildlife from a sustainable source. (Or, maybe, a SUPER sustainable source. Because the shadow of that chick’s ass in Georgia is ruining the tanning in Pensacola, FL.)
Classy Drunk on Which of the NYH Back?: Listen here Miss Andy…leave the cast as is. I don’t like everyone but I still want to see the battles between Ramona and Aviva!!!
Classy Drunk on Top 10 Weekend: Has anyone come up with a way to unsee that Kevin Ware injury?!?!?!?
Gypsy on Which NYH Back: Find a new city, new cast, show RHOC twice a year instead. Give Kelly Bensicrazypants her own show for 3 hours 5 nights a week! ANYTHINGGGGGG but these hags.
Gypsy on RHONJ: I’m really embarrassed for New Jersey even more than I was and I didn’t think that was possible.
Carol on Real World Sexy: if you walk into the bathroom and there is a naked guy and you don’t want to see it, turn around and walk away. Don’t draw attention to yourself and his naked-ness by yelling like a little kid.
NotWithoutMyTV on Teen Mom2 BeatDown: The part After School Specials never showed was the “being shackled to the dumb shit you had a baby with for the rest of your natural life” part.
Itchy on CommentGasm: Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Sigh. But hey, if you gotta lose, it might as well to be someone who calls him/herself Chicken Lips.
Jelly on Three NJ Housewives: So in other words, to sum it up, some asshole says something stupid and two neanderthals plus Joe Gorga (the brother of the missing link herself, Teresa) gets violent. Cant all these people be killed?
Peppermint on RHOC Mini: Ok… so watching Tamra do the bullshit 13 year old girl cry run-from-the-table-act was hideous. I wanted to smack the tint from her hair.
CattyFan on Top Ten Tuesday: Kristen Stewart almost has an expression there…almost.
CattyFan on Project Runway Partner: When Layana speaks, all I hear is, “Me me me me me me…” She says “I” and “me” so often, if it was a drinking game I could be plotzed in three minutes flat.
JimBobJones on Ray-Jay Hits it: If Ray-J’s dick isn’t getting royalties for Kim K’s career, he really needs to find a better lawyer.
Outhousecat on Preachers’ Daughters Set it Down: A vajayjay is a gift to any man, I don’t care how many times it’s been used, as long as it’s not infested with std’s (like Lindsey Lohan) or big as a garage (like 19 and counting clown car vagina). Just ask my hubby. Lol
Derek Hazelton on RHOC Mini: Gretchen’s stupidity knows no bounds. I guess this is why blow-up dolls should never speak.
WaffleBoy on Trashback: Drive: Nicolas Cage may be a guy who would star in your family’s home movies, but say this for the guy; he actually shows up and tries to act
Ashley24 on Preachers’ Daughters, Set it: Kolby would make a good brainwashed Duggar daughter. Poor kid… I’m still stuck on the blow job comments. \Is there actual blowing involved\. Hahahaha!
NotWithoutMyTV on MUST LISTEN: No, I don’t have to. And there’s nothing you could do or say to make me. And I’m generally a total sucker for your charms, Nads.
Nads on MUST LISTEN: @notwithoutmytv – i’m sorry!!! I didn’t mean to song rape you. No means yes?
ChaosButterfly on Celebrity Apprentice Spelling: So Donald’s shitty behavior towards women extends to his own daughter too?…. He cut her off mid-sentence, like she was some poor person. Shocking.
Crankyguy on MUST LISTEN: There is hope for Eden Wood after all.
Sarcasatire on MUST LISTEN: Revenge is a song best served..without autotune. Case Closed. There isn’t a judge alive that wouldn’t award compensation to Kandi for turning THAT into the finished product.
Sugarbush on MUST LISTEN: After looking at Vicki Gunvalson’s face today when I watched RHOC and then listening to this I”m all Helen Keller’ed. Thanks.
Chaosbutterfly on Preachers’ Daughters Set it: And do they ever consider that they may be harassing the Lord? That maybe He doesn’t wanna hear all that every single day?
Robin on MUST LISTEN: remember when she sang for the voice coach who out of self preservation fled in auditory fear?
Chaosbutterfly on Celebrity Apprentice: No human being can live a fully independent life and really be that crazy all the time…I’m sure he (Gary) smokes a handsome tobacco pipe and reads the New York Times and his real voice.
CattyFan (following suit on PopePhilly’s haiku and limericks)
Your rhyming? Impressively clever.
I bet it was quite the endeavor.
How many times
Did you cross out a rhyme
Before wishing you’d promised this never?
NotWithoutMyTV on RHOC Fainting/Farting/Couch/Coach: I’m still worried that one day Kandi’s going to open that over-large, grinning maw of hers and the entire upper half of her head will fall into it. And if that happens, I’ll have a lot more time to work on my autobiography (The Strangulation of Dreams) because I SURE AS SHIT will never sleep again… and I’m already afraid that NeNe is always hiding behind my shower curtain whenever I go into the bathroom.
Itchy on Survivor Mini: Someone please tell me what that giant yellow and black blotcho n Sherri’s arm is. It looks like it spells Jebus? Is this possible? It’s like she’s giving me my own personal shoutout. Hi Sherri! Looking good! Just stay out of the sun, your lips are melting!
Blueberrypancake on LeAnn and Eddie Pitch…Episode 3: Kids soccer games ,for assholes only” Brandi and Leanne prepare for ” the boys” soccer game by trying to out skank-mom each other. pre drinking, spray tanning, passive aggressive tweets. indifferent (ex) husbands, it all is too much for this happy family. Who will be victorious and get to take the kids for ice cream, and who will be left picking up her blonde weave pieces from mid field?
Gypsy on RHOA Reunion Pt 1: All I know is when I saw Kenya and her aunt on the tram in MIA in December she was scary as hell. That woman is cray to the cray power and you know what? Her aunt scared me even more.
Itchy on American Idol Glitter: Next week: The Liberace/Lawrence Welk Duel to the Death we’ve all been waiting for since 1963.
Aunt Dorsey on Lindsey Lohan Letterman: Forget her face, she looks like she borrowed the slipcovers to some grandma’s sofa.
Waffleboy on Poor Kim K: Am I the only one who’s bothered that Kris Humpries is basing his whole legal claim on being the only person in America who thought Keeping Up With the Kardashians was real? Should we his all look forward to his upcoming lawsuit against Santa?
Seepansy on Top Ten Monday: Alexis has been out-acted by her fellow Housewives, her “couture”, her fake jewelry, a potted plant and a stationary bike.
Catty Fan on Commentgasm, “Now I have a dilemma. Honoring another TVGasm poster with a nomination could mean choosing a funnier comment than my own…dooming me to another losing week.
Sarcasatire on Celebrity Apprentice If I Only…: Sidney the koala has chlamydia. Too much fun in the Australian sun.
Chaosbutterfly on Celebrity Apprentice If I Only…: When he (Gary Busey) smiles, unicorns drop dead and rainbows extinguish themselves. Scary stuff.
NotWithoutMyTV on RHOC Mini: I love wire hangers. Especially the free ones you get from the dry cleaners? With the paper sleeve with the smiley face that says “We love our customers!”? That shit goes straight into my closet. Haven’t bought a hangar in 28 yrs.
Hot Cawfee on NeNe Leakes…: Dont be NeNe for the wedding—hhmmmmmmm Doesnt have a ring to it.
Lee on Drag Race: I would eat all my damn supplies before I got a chance to even start, Seriously, they were in freaking heaven
Chooch850 on Ryan Lochte…: I love that she laughed so hard she lost an eyelash!
Aunt Dorsey on NeNe Leakes…: She deserves only the best, let Bitcheny send some of her nasty ass diet shit and Ramoaner can send some Whine.
Aunt Dorsey on Bravo’s Princesses…: Clean up on aisle two! More ca ca from Bravo! Get out the pooper scooper.
J-Mo on Ryan Lochte…: I know that *I’M* always a little surprised when I wake up in the morning and find that I have not suddenly become transgendered…
Yelly on Reese Witherspoon: I think she’s just acting out because she’s not having sex with Ryan Phillipe anymore. I would be livid.
Hot Cawfee on Kim K…: why am I thinking the headline “Kim Kardashian is Divorced” will be an annual headline???????
JimbobJones on Kim K: Say it ain’t so!!!! I thought that those kids would make it! Why, God, WHY!?!?!
Derek Hazelton on Ryan Lochte: not too sure how professional it is to openly mock your guests on air. And, poor Ryan, too stupid to understand he is the butt of the joke.
Sparkle McSnarkle on Bravo’s Princesses: What;s wrong with her face? Besides years of tanning and heavy drinking? Scary. I think I’ll go moisturize.
Lizbot on Ryan Lochte: Ah well, the joke’s on us, cause he’s rubbing those two brain cells together all the way to the bank!
Whoochile on Commentgasm Winner: This is one of the proudest moments of my entire life. In the ‘gasm’s honor I will now burn my master’s degree and assorted certifications to live a life dedicated to eating ho-ho’s, little debbie snacks and using my rascal turnaround to cruise the aisles at Wal-Mart while eating Popeyes or occasionally calamari. Sparkle bitches!
Yelly on Reese Witherspoon: I think she’s just acting out because she’s not having sex with Ryan Phillipe anymore. I would be livid.
Hatched One on WWRLD: What person first looked at hops and said – hmm, this would make a GREAT beverage!
Classy Drunk on Teen Mom 2: UGH! And I thought I was so smart for picking 4/20 in the when “will Jenelle go back to jail” pool.
Labowner on RHOC Empty Heads: Toomuchtv – I was told if you try to straddle the fence you end up getting farked in the ass.
Merry on What up with Justin: Every picture I see of him, he looks more like Miley Cyrus. Is that more insulting to him or to her?
Gypsy on Lance Armstrong: What a complete asshole and a total jackass for being, in my opinion, the least sportsman like athlete IN THE HISTORY OF EVERDOM!
Crankyguy on Lance Armstrong: @Gypsy, you are talking about the greatest athlete the United States ever produced, and the greatest cyclist the world has ever known. What next . . . excoriating some poor sum-a-bitch for taking extra-strength vitamins?
Classy Drunk on Lance Armstrong: Suck it USPS! You lost my packages two weeks ago. I hope you don’t get ANYTHING!!!
JimbobJones on BS Crossover: Thank the Kardashian-loving gods that Flipit is gone. I swear if I had to listen to him say “let’s talk some bullshit!” one more time I was going to rip off my ears and give them to Lochte just to hear something smart.
Wait, this isn’t a full-time thing?
Flipit!!! I was just kidding man! Ummm, someone hacked my post!
NotWithoutMyTV on Teen Mom 2: You know how in therapy, they give you those big, inflatable boxing gloves so you can whale on each other and deal with aggression safely? If Keiffer and Jenelle lived in a bouncy castle, every time someone punched a wall–or grabbed someone by the neck and bounced their head against the wall–it would be harmless… and therapeutic!!!
Sheesh on Dramatic Reading of Sorority Letter: She should take a job writing e mails for members of congress.
“Listen up. I SWEAR TO GOD! if you sign that bill I will look for you in the halls and I will CUNT PUNCH you in you fucking gob!”
I would applaud that.
Sheesh on The Beebs Got Off: He’s gonna end up like Leif Garrett and all of the little beenyboppers that screamed for him will CRINGE watching his “Where are They Now” VH1 doc.
Lindaw205 on The Beebs Got Off: The Lohan just won’t go away, neither will he. I hate I just typed that.
Labownerr on Top Ten: Casey Kasem has the best rant about a dedication to a dead dog or something and then playing a happy song.
Tracy on What Up With Amanda Byrnes?: Just saw on MSN that the bitch shaved half her head. Too bad it wasn’t the half with her face on it!
SquareHead on Lance Armstrong: @crankyguy are you kidding me? He was the ‘greatest athlete’ just like Barry Bonds is ‘home run king’.
Crankyguy on Lance Armstrong: @squareHead. At least give me that he is the greatest athlete with one ball. You can do that for me, can’t you?
NotWithoutMyTV on Two and a Half Men: U.S. productivity will now drop 19% over the next 4 days as a large percentage of American workers rush to the Internet to post “Guess they’ll have to change the name of the show to ‘One and Half Men’. The half man being Kutcher. lulz!!
Crankyguy on Two and a Half Men: @CattyFan, Emmy schemmy. Kutcher was married to effin’ Demi Moore. NOW tell me that little troll Cryer deserves to be paid anything near what Ashton makes.
Sarcasatire on Drag Race: And remember when she threw shade at Jinks for her cheekbone contouring? Well..
Xoulle on Drag Race: Seriously does this girl buy her make-up at Home Depot?
NotWithoutMyTV on Martha Stewart: I had a one-night stand with Martha back in ’94. She baked me white chocolate chip cookies with macadamia nuts afterward.
I can still taste those sweet, sweet cookies.
Itchy on Survivor: Eddie isn’t brain damaged. He’s from New Jersey. There’s a difference, you know.
No, really. There is.
Moli on Hemlock Grove: I’m on episode 5..this is craptastic. How did they find ALL of the worse actors in America? Tasha(Clementine) from Persons Unknown sucked back then. Am I still watching, yep.