March’s Best Comments
Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the comments are just delightful
There is no better place to be
Than here at TrashTalkTV
Itchy on Duck Dynasty Beat Idol and Modern Family In The Key Demo: I can tell you that this season of American Idol is like watching your mother trying to breakdance at your nephew’s bar mitzvah.
Aunt Dorsey on MiniCap Survivor: Oooooohhhhh, I can’t wait to see Hantzy Pantz whip out his fearsome peeing pecker of pestilence and annihilate his very own tribe by dribbling in the rice and beans. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Crankyguy on On MiniCap Survivor: Little crankyguy has now been officially renamed as The Peeing Pecker of Pestilence. Thanks, Aunt Dorsey.
Aunt Dorsey on How Is Kate Gosselin Still Relevant?: Give it a few years and there should be eight Gosselin books coming out–all in the vein of ‘Mommie Dearest’
Robin On Morrissey Is so Sensitive: Can I join you? I promise to bring a truly fine box of wine and some green tomatoes to cook in the bacon grease.
Cattyfan on Morrissey Is So Sensitive: the delicious, juicy, perfectly seasoned, pasture-raised, grass-fed, antibiotic and preservative free, dry-aged, locally-sourced steak that I will prepare and dine upon later this fine evening.
NotWithoutMyTV on Adrienne Maloof And Camille…: I guess all the cool kids are just not showing up to the reunions, now. Andy better get control of his hos…
Gilty Plesure on Project Runway Seniority: Why is it that older people are presented on TV or in the movies as either being cutesy-funny dearies or grouchy and cantankerous? I want to be a glamorous, witty GILF not the butt of a joke in my senior years.
Chaosbutterfly on Taylor Swift: Don’t Take Yourself So Seriously I know being Satan’s first-born daughter, she has some clout down below, but she really isn’t in a position to condemn anyone to hell. With her sinister ass ways.
I bet she’s the real reason the Pope decided to hang it up. He caught a glimpse of her on tv someplace and was so overwhelmed by the sheer evil emanating from her every pore that he just quit. Ole evil ass bitch. Just look at that picture. Look at her eyes (not too long, or your immortal soul will be forfeit), and tell me that bitch isn’t sinister as fuck.Just sitting there, plotting the eradication of everything good and beautiful in this world.
Sarcasatire Celebrity App: I support any casting that helps make Bruce Jenner look even yet still more like a bug-eyed android with the brain of a 90-year-old.
Lissagettinghammered on Brody Jenner Joins Keeping Up With The K’s : If Brody Jenner is a lothario, then I’m Helen of Fucking Troy.
JimbobJones on Taylor Swift: Don’t Take Yourself So Seriously: I know what you’re up to, Nads… you just want to be a Taylor Swift song! So, what, Bret Michaels wouldn’t write one about you, so you figure Taylor Swift will? (I know that’s the reason keep cutting her off in traffic).“…the day that the Second Zombie Apocalypse comes”The first one already happened. We called it “Zooey Deschanel”
JimbobJones on Weekly CommentGasm Votes: I for one hate this idea, because it requires me to be funny more than once a month. I save up all my funny for one post a month, so I can be in enough of the “Commentgasm Year End” awards to validate me as a person. Now I actually need to be FUNNY? Sorry, can’t happen.
Classy Drunk Brody Jenner Joins Keeping Up With The K’s: He is so hot, but not hot enough for me to watch the Kardashians. I have standards. This is coming from someone who watched Rock of Love faithfully.
NotWithoutMyTV on Adrienne Maloof Can Finally Sleep Well At Night: Oh, fuck her. With a saguaro cactus. Sideways. Twice.
Cocoted on Vanderpump Rules Reunion Recap: We All Watched: I spent the whole episode transfixed by the clump of fake eyelash glue on Stassi’s left eye. Why didn’t one of her “friends” tell her it was there?
Sagittariuskim on Tonight’s Top 10 Shows: Wait the killer cooked the body, but didn’t eat it? What a waste! Does he not know they are starving children in Africa.
NotWithoutMyTV on Taylor Swift: Don’t Take Yourself So Seriously: I will not hear anything bad about Zooey Deschanel or Anne Hathaway. Both ladies have an open invitation to enjoy NotWithoutMyTv’s bounce house any time of the day or night. (Each of you is free to decide for yourself whether “bounce house” is meant as a euphemism for something else altogether.)
Sheesh on Weekly CommentGasm: But potatomom did inspire the “my life was worse than yours” oneupmanship war.
And for that I am truly grateful.
Miss Molly on Taylor Swift: Taylor – if you don’t want to be the butt of jokes perhaps you should stop acting like one.
cbc-cca on Ru Paul Minicap
Our Mother, which art on Logo
Sickening is Thy name.
Thy runway come,
Thy will be done, on stage
as it is in the werk-room.
Give us this day, our daily shade
and give us advice
as we paint for the gods
and lead us all to be most fierce
and deliver us from bad tucks
For thine is the queen-dom and the couture and the wigs forever
Sarcasatire on Adrienne Maloof And Camille Grammer were No-Shows: But without Adrienne or MCFR on next season, how will we get more of Flipit’s “Bitch looks like someone took a blowtorch to Malibu Barbie” analogies? Y’all need to get your priorities straight.
Robin on Adrienne Maloof And Camille Grammer Were A No-Show At The…: What does an American flag everywhere, dead turtles on the wall and throw pillows embroidered with french verse have in common? I don’t know either…
Classy Drunk on Heidi Klum Is Joining AGT!: Why don’t they find Americans who can judge Americans who have talent?
Sagittariuskim on Taylor Swift Don’t Take yourself…: Don’t you understand being 23 is hard for Taylor. All she wants to do is be a 14 year old girl. But everybody keeps telling her she’s not 14, to act her age and grow up.Can’t see how painful and hard that is? What would you do if somebody told you to act like an adult and be mature? It’s so unfair she’s expected act like an adult just cause she is an adult.
Miss Molly on Survivor : Shamar complaining that people were’ throwing him under the bus’ … but from what I see it looks like Shamar keeps crawling under that bus all by himself.
Classy Drunk on The Shahs Of Sunset Reunion : Crap! They have me WORKING at work. I read your whole blog and forgot to comment. #firstworldproblems.
Chicken Lips on Top Chef Dinged by wing: Brooke deserved to lose the third round – EVERYBODY knows you don’t serve crispy dragon anuses with poultry. Had she made a nice ribeye to go with them, she would have been golden.
WaffleBoy on mj rolling in his grave: Well, let’s be honest here, it’s an old Jackson family tradition to sacrifice your children’s childhoods to put them greenbacks in the bank. I mean their father went to work when he was seven and that didn’t screw him…okay, that’s a bad example.
Derek Hazelton on Celebrity Aprentice: I’m kind of in love with Omarosa, mostly because it’s rare to see a black woman on reality TV so delightfully embrace getting the bitch edit time and time again. She is strong, ballsy, cunning, and intelligent enough to know continue to build a friendship or at the very least, a working relationship with Trump.
Crankyguy on Survivor: Well, Brother itchy, shitting is mentioned in the Bible, so I ask you which is the bigger sin. To shit or to tee-tee?
Sheesh on Taylor Swift : I’m sure as soon as Tina and Amy found out about the article they were on the phone to each other.
Tina, “Oh man, Amy, Taylor Swift went in on us hard!”
Amy, “Crap! What did it say?”
Tina, “She called us “mean girls””
Amy, “Fuck her then”
Tina, She’s quoting Katie Couric at us.”
Amy, “Fuck Katie Couric too.” (I love Amy Poehler)
Tina, “It’s KATIE COURIC! She says we have a special place in hell because we don’t help women.”
Amy, “After all we’ve done for Lindsey Lohan? That’s bullshit. Tina, tell you what I’ll do. I’ll release a statement and make this all go away.”
Tina, “You’re not going to mean to her are you?”
Amy, “Wouldn’t think of it.”
Pippin on Teen Mom 2: I am still convinced Chelsea uses Cheetos dust as foundation.
Itchy on The Bachelor: Although I’m still giving the award to best bikini-ready bod to Lindseed. Even with the tattoo on her buttcheek. Which kind of suggests she’s not as goody-twoshoes as she pretends. Wondering if she’s got anything pierced?
Itchy on The Bachelor: Hey, look. I’m not here to make friends. I’m in it to win it. I needed to step up my game. And if I have to throw people under the bus… or something like that… raising my eyebrow…
Crankyguy on Demi & Asston: Still gorgeous? She has a fucking golf ball on her face.
Tapnfeet99 on Teen Mom 2: My Pomeranian has two different sized nostrils just like Leah’s mom. Except my dog is a lot cuter.
Itchy on The Bachelor: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! All of you are on my No Talk list! Every one of you! Now go get me some rice, woman! Oh wait. Wrong show. My bad…
Amandalee27 on Project Runway: Sorry for the extra “s”…I really should stop eating ssweet and ssour chicken over my keyboard. Makes my keys sstick.
Sarcasatire on Commentgasm: I’m gonna catfish all of you and vote for myself via my 50 aliases, each one hotter than the last. I also plan on sending a friend request or two with designs on romance. You’ll fall in love with me even though (or because) I’m way out of your league, and we’ll cyberdate for a year. (No, sorry, my laptop doesn’t have Skype. It’s from 1998. But, no worries, my cell plan includes unlimited texting!) I wont be the gender you think you’re dating, but that’s just part of the fun.
Can’t wait to chat!
Followed immediately by Cattyfan: @sarcasatire…Just so long as you don’t tell us you inherited $50 million and we’ll get part of it if we help you collect.
Itchy on Top Ten: Sean believes if he prays hard enough, his hymen will grow back. What’s wrong with that? True, it’ll make it harder for him to shit. But at least he’ll feel clean again
Realitytvjunky on Dance Moms: The captions on the dates were hilarious!!!!! And oh lord will I ever be able to look at a 50 yard line again without seeing a naked abby rolling around on it?!?!?!
Itchy on Commentgasm: Huh, what? I’m just waking up here… what are we talking about? Better yet, did I do something good? Because if I did something you didn’t like, I don’t wanna hear about it.
Me and Classydrunk meet up for drinks every now and then. Sometimes it’s at my place down below, sometimes at her place up high. Just so you know. Usually I have to call her a cab to get her home though. Damn. Gal can’t hold her liquor. Oh wait. Unless Classydrunk is a guy. In which case we just arm wrestle, then give each other one of those dorky jock-hugs.
NotWithoutMyTV on Top Ten: I wouldn’t sweat it, Sean. Not when “spending your life” with Catherine or Lindsay amounts to “sitting on the same couch at the After the Rose special” and “having your publicist ghostwrite a vapid quote for ABC’s by-now-boilerplate announcement that the engagement is off.”
NotWithoutMyTV on Lindsay Lohan Feels Bullied By Justin Bieber: I think it’s totes adorbs that The Biebster is all grown up now, and can pick his own fights in the gladiator pits of social media.
Considerthis on The Bachelor: What about the one commandment that says “Thou shall not worship any Idols” so if Sean wins does that mean he has to give the mirror ball back? He may de-throne the reigning franchaise fame whore of Babylon/Bachelorette Emily. It’s all good though – he prayed and God told him to do all of this he hates fame but God LOVES it for him.
Timgunnssister on ‘Lindsay Lohan Feels Bullied By Justin Bieber’: But really, don’t we all?
J-Mo on Drag Race: I’m sorry, but editing is not the reason why Roxxxy is coming off like a giant bitch, her being a giant bitch is the reason. … they can’t convincingly paint you as a bitch unless you give them the bitch palette to work with in the first place.
Sarcasatire on Oprah Joins The Harlem Shake Band Wagon : If you wanna get a flash mob together and spaz out like you’re having an epileptic fit, fine. But don’t call that the Harlem Shake. The Shake is close to 30 years old and actually requires people to have rhythm.
Chaosbutterfly on Dance Moms No Gaydar: I think it would be nice to end this thread with a quiet and dignified cock..
Tamitha on Oprah Joins The Harlem Shake Band Wagon: My 2 and 1/2 year old step daughter dances better than that. Seriously. She has the attention span of a ferret, the coordination of a blind/deaf baby deer just out of the womb, and zero experience, and she looked like micheal jackson dancing on my coffee table this afternoon, compared to Oprah. She literally has NO black left in her, huh? Nope. Not a trace.
Pink Top on Survivor Mini: I am starting to think that the whole Hantz family was genetically engineered for the purpose of appearing on reality tv.
NotWithoutMyTV on Dance Moms: @Chaosbutterfly “I am not a big fan of Abby’s cleavage…she has that uncomfortable kind where the boobs lie against the skin and it looks floppy. I can’t describe it better than that, but it’s not that cute.”
Jesus. Why would you try?? ;-p
PopePhilly on Kitchen Nightmares: I am not. I figured I’d go ahead and shatter the “DWTS” record. There is not enough naked Gordon on that show.
Aunt Dorsey on Survivor: I just watched the Hantz video. They should bottle that and sell it as a magic diet, ’cause I just totally lost my appetite.
LAC on RHOBH: Destination Cuntie Town, with stops at asshole village, famewhore way, and botoxed bitch lane! I am surprised that Paul could leave, considering how long he must have looked for his balls in that big house.
Plockness Monster on The Walking Dead: Also, how shitty would you feel if you were nameless dude’s son?! He was screaming a Tyrese to just kill him already. Thanks, dad. Love you too.”
Chaos Butterfly Teen Mom: My boobies, My choice “Under no circumstances could I pick the partying, twitter-whoring, wannabe rapper’s jump-off/potential baby mama, failed video vixen. If the world had come to an end and Vee was the last person left to watch my baby, I would just hide it under a pile of leaves and twigs and try to come back ASAP.”
Sheesh on The Walking Dead: uH..a speculum in the torture room.Tha’ Fuck?
Chaosbutterfly on Drag Race: Every week, I’m more stunned by how delusional and jealously bitter Coco is.
I’m so glad that the other girls are more and more willing to call her on her shit. And then after she’s so mean and rude to people on the show, she goes into confessional with those damn contacts, looking like a black White Walker, and starts blabbing about how she’s the nicest person ever and will give you the shirt off her back and blah blah blah. Nobody ever needs to take the shirt off Coco’s back…she’ll fill it with smallpox and when you ask her how it got there, she’s gonna act like she doesn’t even know what smallpox is.
Darkflameboy on Drag Race Mini: Would someone please let Joan Rivers see what Bobo Montrese wore for the challenge this week? She looked like a short, coked-out Bebe Zahara Benet impersonator, and Fashion Police could milk a whole season of Bitch Stole My Look with her.
Aunt Dorsey on Survivor: They had ShaMOOoooo on so Scabby could give him a heaping pile of shit about his ‘life-threatening’ injury–a splinter in his finger. He almost died you know. To make my day complete, I followed that by a chaser of that insufferable sphincter muscle Benjamin ‘Coach’ Wade who pontificated about his stint on the island with Hantzy Pantz. He is truly god’s gift to mankind. I bow before that delusional blob of Brill Cream. He thinks Pink Manties is in it to win it.
Aintnobodygottime on Lil Wayne out of Hospital: He’s dying, no he’s not, yes he is, no he’s not. he’s alive, he’s dead, he’s alive, he’s dead. I’m gonna guess he is going to soon change his name to Lil Schrodinger.
Chaosbutterfly on The Ex-Voice of Elmo: Kevin Clash definitely has a lair.
There’s a spinning bed in its center, covered with hides from puppets that Elmo slayed on his way to the top.
And on the walls hang the hides of all the underage boys that were decimated upon that puppet-covered bed.
It sounds tacky as hell, but it’s all very tastefully done.
Itchy on The Walking Dead: Why is it that with you gals the Zombie Apocalypse inevitably focuses on vaginas? And they say us guys are tool-obsessed.
The_Spiral on The Walking Dead: Silly itchy, it’s because everything in the world focuses on vaginas.
Sheesh on The Walking Dead: Apparently you have YET to experience a Speculum of Doom, itchy. They are cold. It’s an experience that will stick with you. Actually, Sheesh, since Itchy is a guy, all he can experience is the dreaded Fickle Finger of Fate.
Libithina on Miss Andy Confirms: You are a liar. No, you are a liar! Insanity is watching seven (omg kill me) years of housewives and witnessing the same fights over and over again.
Crankyguy on Britney Loves Her Fried Chicken Y’all!: Somebody needs to fix herself a nice big bowl of raw organic kale and a nice big frosty glass of fresh organic carrot juice, and then STFU.
Truthsquad on Britney Loves Her Fried Chicken Y’all!: The only job I was ever fired from was KFC. I was 20, and I was too free with my breasts and I didn’t “Colonel” enough!
Faye on An Ex-NFL Cheerleader Tried To Get It On With A 12-Year-Old. Gross.: I think the other cheering skank was suing Shane Lamas husband for posting stories on his website thedirty.com about her tickling some minor’s Elmo.
PopePhilly on DWTS Mini: @Schadenfreude: Holy shit! I DID write Super Bowel. Well, if his dancing is terrible, that might ring true. Hahahaha.
NotWithoutMyTV on Alert The Masses, Lindsay Lohan Arrived An Hour Early To Work : I read that Lindsay wanted to start her compulsory Hollywood mea culpa tour with America’s Confessor, Oprah, but Her Hugeness’s schedulers told Lindsay that she was in line behind Brandon Hantz, Jenelle Evans, Eric Cantor, Reza Farahan, and that whore that broke up Brandi Glanville’s marriage.
Sarcasatire on Duggers Praying about Adopting: I’m sure while Michelle and Jimbob were praying for an adopted baby, their eldest daughters were praying for less housework. “Good, another ass to wipe. Tell that bitch with the bad haircut if she wants to keep havin’ them, she could do more than make a tater tot casserole once a week.”
NotWithoutMyTV on Teen Mom 2: I went to hair school. Online. Part-time. While playing Civilization V and watching Czech porn. We practiced on Zwinkies. I specialized Retro–mostly beehives. Took me about three hours. (To get my styling certification, I mean. The Czech porn was over a bit sooner, Civ V took a bit longer.) No big deal. Nail Color Technology, though… too demanding. Getting my Private Investigator license was easier.
Aunt Dorsey on Teen Mom 2: Beehives are good. You can hide a bag of Cheetos in there.
Sarcasatire on Project Runway: Patricia looks like one of those things you have to kill to get to Round Two.