February’s Best Comments

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On the second day of TrashTalkTV our Trashmii gave to meeeeeeeeee…

Itchy on “The Bachelor”: I have to assume that the Bachelor has a pretty good idea after the first day which girls he’s seriously interested in. I mean, if you don’t notice a girl pretty quickly, that says pretty much all you need to know about your attraction to her.
What’d be really interesting would be a Bachelor who says, fuck it, I already know who I want. Dump the rest of this chicken coop. How would the rest of the season progress?
Yes, I’m feeling quite philosophical this morning.

NotWithoutMyTV on “ …Brandi’s Vaginal Rejuvination”: I’ve got Katie Couric’s labia in a jar.
Really. Ebay. $238.68.
Came with a Certificate of Authentication and everything.

Itchy on “The Bachelor”: As I said before, I’m convinced that the Bachelor is using some weird form of mind control on me, because I can’t wait for next week. Squee!
Wait. Can a guy squee?

Sheesh on “Beyonce Admits to Li Syncing…”: Alls I know is when I am asked to sing “Iowa, How Great Thou Corn” for the kick off to the Ankeny 2013 Pee-Wee soccer season I will be demanding a backing track or I will walk right off that multiplex

Awfuleyebrow on “Amanda Byrnes Stoner…”: Evicted for smoking weed? Was she fishbowling the whole building? I’ve never heard of a person getting evicted for such a reason.

Gypsy on “Brandi Glanville’s Book”: I can’t WAIT to buy this book and I don’t care what that says about me.

Itchy on “Bachelor Mini”: Except back then, they didn’t have that silly virginity pledge thing. So, he’s like from a warped version of the 1950s in another dimension.

Itchy on “American Idol”: Oh good, those stupid audition episodes are over, I can finally watch this trainwreck. Trainwreck? This season’s been a Hindenburg class disaster.

MarianMoney on ”Toddlers & TiarasMimi”: people holding up babies and hoops!
Why didn’t anyone toss a baby through a hoop?
Not that I advocate harming a child in any way, but Circus baby ring toss is less harmful than pixie stix isn’t it?
And as for pageant dad “Wow her got a ttwwofee” was Kweepy.

Thespiral on “Bad Girls Club”: Haha, I was thoroughly traumatized by the last comments section because all the references to the bumpy, ashy, STD-covered dick were a total vomit fest. And here I thought “It should be safe to come out now, Andre wasn’t even in this episode.” But then you had to mention the Dick of Doom in the VERY FIRST COMMENT! I swear to god, it will be seared into my brain until this show is over.

Sarcasatire on “Drag Race”: All I care about is that somebody (Jinkx) is doing Little Edie. She’s a staunch character. S-T-A-U-N-C-H. “Awwww-nestly. ”

Realitytvjunkie on “The Shahs of Sunset”: I don’t know if he’s my “favorite parent” but Reza’s dad talking about still getting laid over lunch was pretty damn funny! I do love Asa’s mom. I so want MJ to marry Drizzy….that had spin-off show written all over it. Can you imagine trying to plan a wedding with MJ’s mom?! Lord that poor woman would never make it to the altar…

Sheesh on “Mob Wives”: CSU is as big of a fuckup as Lefty was. That is one tough bitch of a dumbass gene .

TurtleGirl93 on “Cheer Perfection”: Fillings, whoa-oa-oa, fillings… Sorry. Most people in Arkansas have “feelings”. Lol. As I’ve said before I have a shop in Sherwood and recently overheard someone talking about her “fillings” being hurt.

Bahareh on “Shahs of Sunset”: She’s always going on about how materialistic Beverly Hills Persians are and her opening act is a song about gold. what the effing fuck?

Classy Drunk on “RHOA”: I tend to limit the strangers in my house also. I don’t even answer my door if I don’t know the person. But I also watch ID channel regularly so that could be the reason for that and not the IKEA coffee table that I want to make sure stays in my house.

JimbobJones on “Top Chef Mini”: And you just KNOW that Snidley Dumbass’s culinary epiphany had nothing to do with foie gras. That motherfucker was at Denny’s one day and thought “Man, if I worked here, I could eat all of the Grand Slams I WANT!”, and the rest is history.

Thisbuggs4U on “The Bachelor: Mrs I have never had botox, yeah ok. Is that why only one of your eye brows moves? “don’t let them take your sparkle, Tiara”, was the best part of the episode! I laughed my ass off. Reminds me of those pageant moms from Toddlers and Tiaras. I will tell you where you can stick that “sparkle”, ya dumb bitch!

Labowner on “Gypsy Sisters”: If this show is not a constant advertisement for birth control, I don’t know what is. Jesus the inbreeding is really starting to show in these girls.

Kthxbai on”Vanderpump Rules”: This show is even trashier than I expected. And I watch Shahs of Sunset. So you know I set the bar high.

NotWithoutMyTV on “The Bachelor”: My Brony friends say “Don’t let them take your sparkle!” all the time. It’s a reassuring, positive-energy traditional parting amongst Bronies. Well, this one Brony friend of mine, LeSean, he changes it to “Don’t let tha muthafuckas jack yo shine!”, but we Bronies know that all friends are treasures, even if they speak or look different than you. I heard Chris Harrison is a HUGE Brony. HUGE. We true Bronies don’t treasure Chris Harrison as a friend, though, because frankly, he makes the girls on The Bachelor do some truly heinous shit, and he fosters a lot of what LeSean calls “negafuckative energy”, which doesn’t sound like anything a true My Little Pony on the path to getting his/her wings would do. So, boo, Chris Harrison! Boo from the Bronies!

MrsRogerSterling on “Vanderpump Rules”: Fun new drinking game! Take a shot every time Stassi says “literally”. You will be bombed before the first SUR empolyee tells us how good looking they all are!

Considerthis on “Bachelor Mini”: Restasis needs to be a sponsor as there is a amazing lack of tear production on this show. Again last nite alot of noise and a few sniffles and eye dabs but not a tear to be found?

NotWithoutMyTV on “Robin Roberts is Back on GMA”: I liked Robin’s celebratory greetings so much, I’ve been using it all morning with everyone I greet:
“Good morning, Riders of the CT2 bus to Kendall/MIT! I keep pinching myself, and I realize this is real. Faith, family and friends have brought me to this moment…I share this morning commute; this day of celebration, with everyone!!!”
To which the bus driver responded, “Sir, bus is in motion, so grab a seat fo’ yo dumb ass falls down.”

Aunt Dorsey on” Shahs of Sunset”: She reminds me of one of the little troll dolls with the squinchy features and cotton candy colored hair that were all the rage in the late ’60s. She’s ugly inside, slammed into that ugly tree and hit every damn branch.

Considerthis on ”Pitbull wins:. Sorry, Lindsay”: How sad when lawsuits and arrests are the ONLY thing that keep you relevant!

NotWithoutMyTV on “Teen Mom 2”: @LadyStardust: YES! I had that happen to me. My uterus expelled my IUD. Like, really hard. They were calling me “.44 magnum uterus” down at the gyno’s office. But I never did any research or anything on it, so I didn’t know that it was, like, a thing.

Considerthis on “Teen Mom 2”: Aww shucks – I feel like Leah at the West Virginia State Penitentury’s Valentines Day Dance. Y’all are too kind.

Lindaw205 on “Jermaine Jackson Is Now Jermain Jacksun”: What a maroon

Chicken lips on “Jermaine Jackson Is Now Jermain Jacksun”: “I think it’s a bit too late in life to try to disassociate himself from the Jacksons. The secret is already out, Jermaine – now you just look silly.

JimbobJones on “Jermaine Jackson Is Now Jermain Jacksun”: As a great man once said “Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle”

Pope Philly on “The Bachelor”: @Itchy: I have a feeling a lot of the fantasy suites will involve a game of “Just the Tip.”

Sarcasatire on “Catfish”: Can women who aren’t black be sassy? Or is that market cornered?
I guess anyone can be sassy, but then does that mean they are acting like a Black woman? Inquiring minds..

NotWithoutMyTV on “Teen Mom2”: I got a tattoo on my FUPA that says “Close your legs to married men, bitch!” It’s upside down, so I can read it, you know, in situations when I need to reminded the most… as a conversation starter, it’s wicked pissah.

Itchy on “The Bachelor”: Words of power!: Yes! Everytime Sean says: “And she might be my wife” or “my wife is in this room”, the skies open and the angels sing.

Cattyfan on the Oscars: Never understood the “appeal” of Renee Zellweger. She looks like a heavily stoned Persian cat.

Dear Crabby on “ Toddlers and Tiaras Dumbass Alert”: Probably took Crystal the whole month to figure out the captcha. @Crystal – I love the fact that after 7 years of losing, you plan to continue with pageants and tell people to “watch out” for you. I’m sure they are running scared given your tremendous track record of mediocrity. And if anyone is going broke, Crystal, it’s the families that don’t pay their bills to pay for pageants – like you even said you do during this episode.

Sarcasatire on “Catfish”: I notice we don’t have the same taste in men, Lab, since you love Aziz.. So that means we can double date. As long as your date is paying. Hey, he’s richer! Mine is the 3rd cameraman on a MTV reality show.

Pink Top on “Survivor, Crazy Lazy…”: Of course a female from the cool kids lunch table takes the first hit. The male neanderthals are needed for competitions. Predictable and lame.

Itchy on “The Walking Dead”: You know, this happens to me all the time. I’ll be talking with some gal when all of a sudden -bam! – her top falls off. It’s distracting, to say the least. I’ve always attributed that to cheapshit clothing made in China. But, hmm….

Plockness Monster on “The Walking Dead” (of course): My top is falling off right now.

Lindaw205 on “Survivor”: I do seem to recall Flipit offering sexual favors as payment, which is why the recappers remain unpaid.

Captain save-uh-hoe on “Vanderpump Rules”: I challenge anyone to find a better line than “live up to that sock in your speedo.” That, my friend, was gold.

Sarcasatire on “How is Kate Gosslelin Still Relevant?”: People watched because they wanted to see lazy ass Kendra lose five Gosselin children. We were all disappointed.

Aunt Dorsey on “Survivor”: ShaMOOOoooo makes me crazy. Big lazy azzhole gets out of the service and ponces around in his camos. What a tool. The kind of douche that hangs out at the local legion hall and gasses on and on with bullshit stories.

Kthxbai on “Dance Moms”: @Madelyne27 I’m going to be laughing at If Dress Barn and Ross had a baby, it would look like this all day. That’s the best description of Dance Moms fashion style ever. Thanks!

Itchy on “The Bachelor”: This is a good reason for recappers to post pictures of themselves. In bikinis. Just trying to imagine what NotWithoutMyTV would look like in a bikini is enough to make accept Chris Hostdouchison as my personal relationship counselor.

NotWithoutMyTV on “The Bachelor”: Now that I know that Ashley P. didn’t even finish 50 Shades of Grey, I feel like I can’t trust anything The Bachelor tells me about its contestants. So when AshLee says she was in foster care for a year, what she really means is that she once got lost at K-Mart and spent 8 minutes at the Customer Service counter while they paged her mother?