Hi, again, Trashies. Thanks for letting me come join the Project Runway party the last two weeks. It’s been fun to snark on our
former contestants that weren’t doing much of anything All Stars! Last week, QVC seized the opportunity to get some cheap labor and we lost Irina the Ice Queen. Also, Viktor tried to bring the heavily scripted drama by telling us that he is HIV+. Just another day in the reality TV universe. So,let’s get right to this week’s episode, shall we?
The remaining designers meet Alyssa on the catwalk.. She’s not dressed too horribly, but it’s kind of hard to screw up a white blouse and denim skirt. Alyssa asks the designers how this season compares with their first times on the show. Viktor has memorized his scripted very well and says that the judges are much, much nicer. Well, bring on the ominous music because out comes…
This year, Nina was introduced to StyleHaul.com they’re the largest fashion website and askj;hdfkagsfk;fkj;fagkh;ga;knf. Sorry. The website’s loading screen gave me a seizure.
Nina will be introducing the designers to five of the biggest fashion bloggers on StyleHaul.com (between all of them, they have more than 6.5 million followers). Ooh! This is going to be the dreaded Real Woman Challenge! Well, “dreaded” for the designers. For the viewers, the results are often hilarious! The designers will have to create an outfit based on what they think will be the biggest trend of 2014. Also, they will have to incorporate the Pantone color of the year which is… radiant orchid? In other news, a color of the year is declared each year.
Elena points to her lipstick and giggles that radiant orchid is one of her favorite colors. I guarantee that she didn’t even know there was a color called “radiant orchid” until just a few moments ago. Good job with the product placement, Elena. I’m sure Pantone threw a couple extra dollars your way. Anyway, Nina will personally endorse the winning design in a video on the home page of StyleHaul.com. This is huge because the video will be seen by 50 million people. Math whiz Korto explains to us that 50 million is more than 100,000. She’s lucky she’s a good designer. Oh, and the prize package is worth $10,000 and includes a three-night stay at a Pantone hotel in Brussels! OK, who is Pantone and why do they own hotels and declare the color of the year?
The designers head right to the work room where they get to choose their blogger. They’re presented with five pictures and Korto, as last week’s winner, gets to pick first. Is anyone surprised that she goes for the tall and skinny one? Anyway, the pairings are:
Other than height, most of these ladies seem to be pretty modelesque. I think Seth Aaron lucked out with Gigi (who we find out is transgender). It seems like her body would be the easiest for a designer. She’s tall, thin, and seems to have the model attitude down (based on her picture, anyway).
The bloggers come into the room to give the designers their ideas. Viktor wants to make a jumpsuit with a leather jacket. I’m not sure how that is a new trend, but OK. Korto wants to make a white suit and bring that back into style. There’s more talk of dresses and jackets. With that, it’s off to mood!
Christopher is searching everywhere for an army green lace, but he just can’t find it. Perhaps he should take that as a hint that lace in army green is a bad idea. Then he tells us that he’s not actually going to incorporate radiant orchid into the dress. He’s just going to slap together a purple clutch and call it a day. Why would anyone think that’s a good idea?
We go back to the workroom, and the designers get to work. Elena throws a temper tantrum because other designers are using neoprene and that’s been her thing for all of three whole years. I’m pretty sure neoprene was a thing long before Elena began using it.
Elena gets back at everyone by using a really loud carpet and upholstery cutter on her own neoprene. Other than that, it’s really just the same old workroom stuff. Seth Aaron wants to represent the British flag, but in black and pink…sorry, radiant orchid. Korto knows that she makes great pants, so she wants to pair them with a vest. Viktor keeps talking about the sophistication of a jumpsuit. Is there anything sophisticated about having to get nearly naked just to go to the bathroom?
Elena is scared of Nina because they never saw eye to eye in the previous season. I didn’t realize this, but Nina is apparently the queen of peplum. Elena decides to add that to her jacket in order to tame the beast. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve never seen anything with a peplum look good. It just reeks of 80s power bitch to me.
What in the hell is Zanna wearing?! Why is this woman here to give fashion advice? I’ve yet to actually see her look good.
I do laugh when she says that the designers will be creating a new trend for 2014. Does anyone actually believe that anything these designers make will ever be a trend? Hell, do you think you’ll actually remember any of these designs after this episode is over?
I’m not sure why Korto thinks that finding a white suit is so difficult.
Seth Aaron explains his British Flag idea to Zanna while Christopher snarks that he thinks the dress looks like something Avril Lavigne would wear. Then I point and laugh at karma coming right back to bite him. Christopher tells Zanna that he’s never seen a feminine trench before. Without even skipping a beat, Zanna shoots back, “Burberry.”
I also laugh really hard again when Christopher says that his idea of a new trend is military and lace. Yes, it’s so new that it was introduced as a trend two years ago…on Project Runway! It was a team challenge and they actually called themselves Team Military and Lace.
Viktor thinks that his color blocked jump suit is Parisian. I think it’s just purple top attached to black pants. He wants to put a leather jacket over top of it to make it new. I had no idea that wearing a leather jacket over simple clothing was a new trend. I guess that puts me ahead of the curve. He tries to call his trend, “good girl gone bad” and Zanna just gives him a look that screams, “And you’re going home this week.”
I’m not sure what Elena says at all. How is “color and texture” a new trend? Almost everything I own has both pattern and texture. As Zanna leaves, Viktor decides to add a little bit more of himself into his design. I guess that just involves painting Xs down the front of it. Maybe I just don’t understand fashion.
The blogger-models arrive for their first fittings. Korto tells us that Carli has already claimed the win for them “in the name of Jesus. Amen.” I’m pretty sure Jesus has better things to do than oversee your time on a reality show, Korto. It is almost his birthday, after all. Let him have some time to relax! Other than that, the fitting is just another excuse for the designers to plug QVC and trash talk one another.
At the last minute, Viktor decides that his jumper doesn’t work. He has the brilliant idea of staring over completely. As we know, that always works out well for everyone. He decides to make a ’50s inspired dress out of neoprene while some cutouts that show the radiant orchid fabric. Yep, no one has ever done that before. Totally new trend.
It’s morning of the runway. There’s the usual scrambling around, plugging for Mary Kay and Alterna and QVC. There’s a little bit of panicking as Viktor breaks a zipper and Elena helps him. Let’s skip the fluff and go right to the runway!
Oh, hey, remember how Korto said that it’s near impossible to find a white suit?
Granted, it’s an ugly suit that involves shorts and polka dots, but it’s still a white suit. Georgina isn’t here again this week, but I’m OK with this because Christian Siriano is here! I adore him. The guest judges are Nina Garcia (who seems to have washed her hair for once) and Francisco Costa who is the women’s creative director for Calvin Klein. Let’s get right to the designs!
It’s cute. The jacket and dress don’t really seem to go together as an outfit. It looks like Jarmaine put on a cute dress and then threw on a jacket because it was kind of cold outside.
Nina jumps right back into the judging routine. She thinks the motorcycle jacket is on trend right now and it’s really just throwing off the proportions of an otherwise adorable dress. It’s refreshing to have someone here who seems to know what she’s talking about. Christian and Isaac both like the new take on color blocking. Francisco disagrees about the jacket – he thinks it makes the whole outfit interesting.
I think this looks ridiculous. First of all, it’s too much for such a tiny woman. The print ad the peplum and the giant lives are just overwhelming on Dulce. Secondly, I’m fairly certain I had a Barbie Doll with this exact outfit in 1987.
Alyssa wishes that peplum was just a bit smaller. Christian loves the texture and color, but wishes that Elena had used it in a blazer. Nina is also impressed by Elena’s new found love of color and texture. However, she thinks Dulce is just too covered up. Dulce defends the jacket to Isaac when she says that she loves how it gives her curves.
I adore this dress. I love that the lines give Gigi the illusion of curves. It looks great on someone tall and thin and it would probably just enhance the hourglass shape of someone who is naturally curvy. In fact, I like this dress so much that I have one almost identical to it hanging in my closet. It’s not new by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I feel like we’ve seen this before. Wait a minute…
Nina thinks this is the best use of the radiant orchid color. However, just like I said, this design is nothing new. I have no idea what Isaac means when he said, “This is something you need to see for a very short amount of time.” Francisco loves the interaction between Seth Aaron and Gigi, but he just can’t see the trend.
The shoes are really weird, but I like this look over all. It’s well made and it actually looks pretty good on Carli. However, I’m not sure how new the design is. It kind of reminds me of Leanne Marshall…the designer that beat Korto her first time on the show.
Alyssa loves the suit but, like me, hates the shoes. A simpler shoe just would have been better. Isaac loves that you have to really search for the radiant orchid. Nina hates the neon yellow bag and the shoes, but loves the suit. Basically, this is just one big praise fest!
I actually kind of like this…as a coat. As a dress, it looks a little weird. It looks like Fleur left the house and forgot to get dressed. She put on her coat and called it a day. I still think it’s a cop out that Christopher didn’t actually use the radiant orchid color in his design.
Isaac likes the dress once Christopher explains it. That means it’s not really that good. Christian says that if you’re going to make a trench dress, it has to go evening because it won’t be removed. I’m not sure that made any sense. I still love you, Christian! Francisco likes the idea of the lacy trench, but not the dress itself. Nina thinks the lace in that color looks like seaweed. Then Christopher thinks it’s a good idea to sass back.
Oh, shut up, Christopher. He thinks what Nina said was rude. I hope he puts on his big boy pants and gets over it. As a designer, people are going say a lot worse. While he’s whining, the judges rehash what they said to the designers’ faces.
Does it come to a surprise to anyone that Korto wins this one? I’m so happy. I was terrified that she’d be going home after her win last week. I guess she broke the curse! I hope she wins. She’s come in second place enough times already!
Our designers who are safe are Seth Aaron and Elena. That leaves Christopher and Viktor in the bottom two. The designer going home this week is…
Viktor. I’m OK with this. I think Christopher had the worst design of the night, but Viktor should have gone home last week.
So, what do you guys think? Are you as happy as I am that Korto didn’t get sent home as predicted? Do you think Viktor deserved his elmination? Sound off in the comments!
And thanks again for letting me play with you this week! Danator will be back next week for your regular snarking pleasure. Happy holidays, everyone!