amazon stuff

Minicap: Top Chef | TrashTalkTV

tip jar tttv thank you

Minicap: Top Chef

Hello again my fellow Trash-ettas!  We are rapidly speeding towards Christmas, and if you’re anything like me, you’re probably frantically ordering stuff from Amazon, cursing people who didn’t have Amazon Wish Lists™, and spending an extra $827.43 so Amazon will wrap your damned gifts and ship them out overnight.  When you combine this kind of chaotic activity with stress and various other holiday pressures (did I finish writing and mailing out my Christmas cards?  do I have the strength to keep the cats from eating all my tree ornaments?  will my Spritz cookies give people diarrhea?) it can cause people to become either short-tempered and irritable…

01 Carlos Gaytan Evil Laugh small Top Chef 1111_00or they turn insane and full of pure evil

Well, this most recent episode of Top Chef New Orleans put everybody through a buttload of stress, and sure went a long way towards changing my feelings towards several of these chefs, some in very surprising ways.

But first, we had a QuickFire Challenge that was graced by the presence of GuestJudge QuestLove…

02 Questlove Padma Lakshmi And Fugstripes Top Chef 1111_01seen here posing with Scar and her locked-up vagina

That dress was just a giant zebra turd, and I’m surprised that nobody over on Styled To Rock has made anything similar.  In any case, since QuestLove is a drummer, the challenge was for the chefs to make something out of drumsticks…

03 Nestle Drumstick Top Chef 1111_00sadly not this kind

Personally, I think it would have been awesome for there to be a damned dessert challenge at least once this season, but no, they just ripped the legs off of several dead birds and threw them on a plate and piled them on a table.  I think it would have been far more clever of them to honor QuestLove by making the challenge be about cooking with roots

04 The Roots Top Chef 1111_00because, duh

Oh well, after 11 seasons I suppose it’s only inevitable that the Creativity Tank™ may be getting a little low over at the Magical Elves offices.

After that, the chefs are whisked away to Louisiana State University where their challenge is to become one of the toughest creatures ever to walk the face of the planet…

05 Lunch Lady Top Chef 1111_00the Bullet-Proof Lunch Lady™

If serving terrible food to ungrateful children isn’t the worst job in the universe, then I don’t know what is†… the hairnets alone are enough to make me feel suicidal.  So yes, the chefs are tasked with making cafeteria food for 500 college students, which seems to be more of a challenge about mass-production than it is about culinary skill…

06 Tom Colicchio Emeril LaGasse Barfs Top Chef 1111_02the sub-challenge is to make food that La Gassy can keep down

This is where there are some shifts in the chef’s personalities… Illegal Carlos turns into kind of a whiner, PhillyDick is on the defensive and looks sympathetic for a change, and Straight Outta Compton seems to lose her confidence.  DevilBear remains firmly mired in his newfound doucherocketry, and I’m afraid my love affair with him is pretty much over.  Check back in a few days for the full recap, and in the meantime, if you haven’t checked out the awesome job that SnoopK8 did filling in for me last week, you can see last week’s recap here.

Pages: 1 2

Screen Shot 2014-08-18 at 3.31.14 PM-1

9 comments on “Minicap: Top Chef

  1. vallegirl says:

    I saw the whole Nick/Carlos thing differently. Carlos wanted to use an oven AFTER Nick finished cooking his pork, but Nick got pissy and said he needed it to warm his plates? Seriously?

    Also, someone should tell Shirley that when she reflexively calls the best cooking station before anyone else has even had a chance to see what’s in the kitchen then wants to use a massive flat top to cook fried damned rice, she is in no position to judge anyone else’s selfishness.

    Carlos is slow to speak up and doesn’t defend himself well, but I thought Shirley and Nick came off laughably, dickishly, self-absorbed.

  2. Ouiser says:

    Can Carlos cook anything other than Mexican food? I don’t recall him cooking any other style. My opinion, a Top Chef should be able to cook more than 1 style of food. You could almost say the same for Shirley with Chinese food. But on this challenge, not only did she not cook Chinese food, she won with good old American home cooking.

  3. vallegirl says:

    Why? Most chefs specialize in a cuisine. Mexican is no different from French or Italian or molecular gastronomy. Rick Bayless specialized in Mexican, too, and found a way to fit his style and his cuisine into as many challenges as he could. How do you cook your own food but also cook in a variety of styles and cuisines?

    Shirley also said she’s a “shadow chef” meaning, per Shirley, that she’s particularly skilled in copying other chefs.

  4. Concerned Citizen says:

    I totally agree with you. I love Carlos and Nick is turning into a bigger Douchebag than Devilbear IMO. This is why I prefer Top Chef Master. The chefs are professional and gracious with each other. I can not see anyone from season 6 (Voltaggio Brothers) putting their warm plates over someone cooking their food.

    Also I start looking for your recaps Thursday evening. They always brighten my day and make me laugh. Since Happy Holidays is such a hot button phrase…Merry Christmas, Happy Hannikuh, Merry Kwanza, Happy Festiva and Happy any other celebration occurring this time of year. :)

  5. Aunt Dorsey says:

    I’m so disappointed that not one chef served that speciality of cafeterias everywhere — mystery meat — bread it and fry it and let ‘em guess what species it was.

    That’s got to be hard trying to cook for 500 people at one time. Reminds me of that old staple of bathroom stall graffiti, “Flush hard, it’s a long way to the cafeteria.”

  6. Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

    I was coming on here to say I thought “But, but…I need to warm my plates!” was an incredibly dick move.

    However, I don’t think that Shirley calling the big griddle station while people were calling “I want hot! I want cold! I want a McDLT so the hot stays hot and the cold stays cold!” was a dick move. I think the dick move was Carlos proclaiming the griddle for his fish…then bitching that he had to use the griddle for the fish instead of using the plate warmer. You don’t own the kitchen, punk!

    Shirley rolled with it – it would have been a dick move to tell Carlos to shove it and keep the griddle. She just told him to shove it and took another station and then talked mad smack…OK, maybe that is a little dick move (a ChickOnSkis move, perhaps because you know that tool is overcompensating for something…).

  7. vallegirl says:

    But she didn’t actually need the flattop. She just said she wanted it because it was the best station. Which isn’t a dick move in and of itself, but when she turns around and interviews that Carlos showed “his true colors” and is just out for himself because he wanted the same station because he needed it to cook the fish, that’s just hypocritical, also known as a dick move.

    Plus, if she really needed a flattop she could have argued for the smaller one Stephanie used, but she didn’t. Lord knows, Shirley’s never been at a loss for words, ever, until this last episode when she meekly gives up.

  8. Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

    True point.

    How pathetic must I think this season is to be coming up with “who had the dickiest move”? This was the most excitement I’ve seen on the show in about a month. Next week seems promising if someone is stealing knives!

  9. So many things to say about this episode…

    1. Questlove’s quickfire challenge was drumsticks because he is a drummer. So I think it was cheeky and made sense.
    2. I actually thought DevilBear came off a little better in this episode than he did in the last 2-3, he seemed a bit humbled. But still far below the cutie we grew to love after the first episodes, may that DevilBear rest in peace. Still pretty to look at though!
    3. I do think the Carlos-bashing was so hypocritical. Being selfish, Shirley? Of course he was – they all want to win. And Nick was being a brat to keep his plates warm instead of letting another chef use it to cook. For once Carlos was looking out for himself and everyone acted like he spit in the other chef’s food.
    4. The challenge, as a whole, sucked donkeyballs. It is TOTALLY more about mass-production than it is about culinary skill. I think this might have been a better challenge early to thin out the herd, but at this point in the game, it should be completely about culinary skill, flavors and beautiful presentation.

    I’m sure I have more, I’ll have to wait for the complete recap. Love ya J-Mo!

Have your say!