Survivor Recap: Another Season, Another Finale | TrashTalkTV

Survivor Recap: Another Season, Another Finale

We did it, Trashii Talkers! We made it through the season, we kept our snark protected, we made it through the season, we kept on being rude, we made it through the season and found ourselves infected by Jeff Probst’s view….I wish he’d screw….himself in the poo(pershooter)….

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Was that supposed to be witty?

No, no, merely shitty.

Sorry, Trashii Talkers. I just can’t help myself sometimes. Be glad I occasionally edit myself because there was about four more rhymes here before I cut them out. It’s my Christmas present to you! Mazel Tov!

Anyway….there are three hours of TV to get through (four if I count the OUAT recap I have to do after this one) and dicking around with rhymes ain’t gonna get it wrote!! So on to the show!!

We start where we always do in these finale shows…with an extended recap of the entire season. You know, for those people that just decided to start watching now. Or ones with memory issues…

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Once that is over, we pick up with Kissyermama returning to camp after the booting of Hayden. Ceira is disappointed that things didn’t go according to plan, but she’s holding out hope that her challenge beast mama will kick ass in the next truel and rejoin her in the game. They’re gonna kick some ass when that happens. No matter what the numbers say.

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And though I know that math is not my friend, I’ll fight it to the end….

Tyson tells us he knows that going to the end with Monica and Gervase is his best shot at winning. He’ll even use the hidden immunity idol to keep Monica loyal to him if he has to.

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Wanna touch my idol?

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Monica is a married lady!

He tells her she can have it since he’s not planning on using it; have it as a souvenir for her kids or whatever. Monica refuses to take it, telling Tyson it’s his; he found it. He’s really worried that whoever comes back from Pissed Off Island will woo Monica over to their side.

For her part, Monica tells us that Monica is not Tyson and Gervase’s lap dog. She’s a big dog, yo! She’s open to staying with Tyson and Gervase OR switching sides.

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15 comments on “Survivor Recap: Another Season, Another Finale

  1. ChaCha ChaCha says:

    I was wondering the same thing about Tyson’s lack of pit hair, especially since the ladies were showing theirs. Was his non-essential a razor?

  2. Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

    I’m very disappointed in this recap – it didn’t talk at all about the “big move” Monica kept yakking about that she was going to make. See, I rested my eyes for about 45 seconds during the show and figured that I missed it and I eagerly waited for the recap because when Monica says she’s going to make a big move, you know it’s gonna be big and game-changing!

    Wait – there was no big move? Hunh. Then what the hell was she yapping about? OK – I take it back – great ‘cap! Thank you for taking us through this season, PottyMouth!

    Back to Monica (as Monica feels it should be), when she was talking about “I’m so proud that I was able to play without Brad and I wanted to show my kids that I could do it on my own without Brad and even though Brad was here this sister was doing it all for herself!” Um, wasn’t she on Survivor once before without Brad (and I actually thought she was married to Dante Culpepper because I never heard of PepperPot). I don’t know if I screamed “Shut up Monica!” or “Shut up Probst!” more during this episode.

    Once again – I was cracking wise when I said the recap was disappointing – thanks for sharing the season with us!

  3. Aunt Dorsey says:

    Taking a break before the reunion portion of the recap. Potty you are KILLING me with the captions, thank you so much for all the raspberry boners for the Rev. Probst of the Universal Life Church Monastery — Martha Stewart could not have done a better job. You are so crafty. Thank you for your most excellent recaps, enjoyed reading all of them.

    In tribute to that magnificent toastmaster, Gervase, here is a verbatim quote from his first season of Survivor: “…nothing is dumber than a woman, except maybe a cow…” Good to know his oratorial skills are still razor sharp. “YEAH, that’s how we DO it!”

    Itchy, I think I know the secret to Tyson’s lack of a visible “lunch box”, “package”, whatever you wanna call it — I don’t think it’s the “White Man’s Surprise”, it’s probably his Holy Mormon underwear — it acts like a cloak of invisibility. I don’t know about his lack of pit hair, but Laura M. was more than making up for it, she has pits worthy of an Italian gladiator movie, circa 1960. Tyson was a professional bicycler, so maybe he had his body Laser Armstronged of all hair, you know, to keep down wind resistance.

    I am so glad that St. Vitus stayed true to himself and was a total Bitter Betty, but my stomach dropped when the Rev. Probst asked him if he’d play again. NOooooooooooo.

  4. Robin says:

    Dear Potty,

    I havent been as hands on at FS and dont comment like I normally do. I wish I could blame it on drinking too many Limes Disease or something..but the truth is ,I was bored shitless with these ahem..survivors.

    The only thing that saved this season for me was your recaPs. Never missed one. Thanks. }~

  5. Robin says:

    See, I rested my eyes for about 45 seconds during the show and figured that I missed it and I eagerly waited for the recap because when Monica says she’s going to make a big move, you know it’s gonna be big and game-changing!

    Wait – there was no big move? Hunh.

    LOL@ Chicken Lips

  6. itchy itchy says:

    Oh, Tyson was a professional cyclist? Well, that explains everything. All that cycling ground his balls to pebbles. Hiding the rest of it (well, he’s a Mormon, so there’s undoubtedly not much there anyway) was a piece of cake.

  7. april says:

    Wait, was there no Fan Favorite this season?

  8. msjacqmills says:

    Tyson had no pit hair and Gervase had a goatee…they must have been sharing a razor.

  9. considerthis says:

    @ april If I understood Jeffy Probst correctly with Rupert and that done to death ty-dye tank top – Rupert is the most popular and beloved Survivor of ALL time so I guess fan favorite is FOREVER off the table. Wonder how Rupe was able to capture that title – nobody asked for my vote?

    On a side note would love to see Colton and Phil Robertson left on a deserted island for 39 days – now that’s good TV!

  10. Moli says:

    You know I never noticed the lack of pit hair…but we are damn near body hair bald from my Mother’s side(let’s say I have never in my life owned a razor or hair removing product). Tyson could simply not be a hairy person(the only thing niceish I will say about him). I DID NOT WANT TYSON TO WIN. I hated him all season, the only season of BB I watched was the season with Hayden and couldn’t stand him. I really wanted him or a nonreturning player to win with the exception of worthless until too late Cierra. Thank you PM for you always hilarious recaps, I also wanted to quit this season but you and Dalton’s recaps kept me watching. It’s funny, I read Dalton’s recaps and say I can’t wait to see what PM will say about x-situation. I love that you are 30 times snarkier than he is.

  11. Tyson was the right choice. I know some of you peeps like “non-playing,” “in the background” types of players and want them to win. Not me. If Monica or Gervase had won I would have thrown my TV Guide at the TV.

    You know, I kept expecting Monica to make a big move and she fooled me all the way to the end. How could I have ever believed her?

    Tyson deserves the money and it will console him when Rachel leaves him for somebody who’s hung.

    Thanks for the picture of Pepperpot! Instead of him and Monica talking I would have preferred the camera focusing in on his butt while he bent over and touched his toes four or five times. Now, that would have been entertainment!

    I don’t know how I could have ever liked Rupert. He’s so needy and wants so badly to be liked. Ugh. I’ve had enough of him.

    I don’t find Dalton’s recaps entertaining and rarely read him. I like Pottymouth’s much more.

    Thanks for all the recaps Pottymouth. You’re the best. Happy New Year.

  12. vallegirl says:

    No, see, Monica DID make a big move. She actively chose to be Tyson’s lapdog. It was her decision to run around behind him begging to be promised that, no, for reals, she’s his number 3. Because she made Pepperpooter and she made Tyson the Survivor winner. She never wanted to win, she was always doing it for Tyson.

    But I guess you’ve never met someone who’s nice, generous and selfless, either.

  13. Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

    Well, I hang out here a lot, so no, I’ve never met someone who’s nice, generous and selfless. ;)

  14. Aunt Dorsey says:

    Well, let’s hope Mrs. PepperPooter googles herself and shows up here pronto. It’s the Christmas season, damn it, and we don’t want you to be deprived of meeting such a humble manifestation of all that goodness, self-sacrifice and generosity. After all she is God-like, he used a rib out of Adam to make Eve — lord only knows what Mrs. PepperPooter used when she “made Brad.”

  15. Robin says:

    I am kinda embarrased that I ever liked Rupert as well. I think it harks back to when Survivor was new and he stole shoes and traded them for tools and food. I thought he was the bomb! It was pirate themed and he fit the mold.

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