Hola Trashies! Thanks for hanging in there this week, this is getting craptacular isn’t it? I’ve loved your input these past few days, and you are all right. Reza’s redemption storyline is hooey. Just go take a read on his “blog” on the Bravo website. This freakshow can’t apologize genuinely for anything. Ugh. So let’s get this started.
MJ goes to a specialist to get an over the shoulder boulder holder made. She tells us that her girls are ginormous (duh) and that they travel. She then demonstrates the tugging and pulling that goes into harnessing those bad boys. Girlfriend needs to get a reduction. She’d be happier.
The lady has some material she wants to try and cinches MJ up in it. MJ tells her that she has a tiny waist and its being accentuated. Or more accurately, the Spanx are giving out despite her best efforts. Even better she tells us that if her bras are tight enough to hold up her boobs, then she has back bulge. Girl, I can relate. She tells us it’s traumatizing. But I’d say this entire segment focused on her ridiculous ta-tas is even more so.
Mike and Jessica go to Jewish classes. Mike hasn’t proposed yet, he plans to but he’s too busy pooping his pants right now to go out and buy a ring. Plus he blew like $50,000 on a stupid bus ad. So he’s busy. The rabbi is fantastic and fucks with Mike by making the two of them pretend to get married. It’s awesome. Mike almost passes out, Jessica can’t stop laughing at him and I’m endlessly amused. Good work Rabbi. You’re not getting paid enough. Please visit MJ and Reza later. K, thanx!
GG and her sister go to get their nails did, and what could be really boring gets really interesting very quickly. Apparently it is revealed that Leila and MJ have been spending time together and GG gets SUPER PISSED! GG tells us that her sister is always competing with her since they were little girls, and this is just another example. My friends, this is complete bullshit. First of all, the producers have set up this particular bit of drama. But also, GG is an idiot for being jealous. Next thing you know, they’ll be fighting over who gets to ride shotgun and then writing nasty things about each other in a slam book.
Leila offers to broker a resolution and tells GG that if she wants to fix this, she’ll need someone there to mediate. GG is now mad at Leila and mad at MJ – She’s on a roll!
Adam is lounging around the apartment in monkey slippers while Reza prepares breakfast. They discuss the Sasha situation and Reza confesses he lost his mind and doesn’t know how to apologize to Sasha. Reza tells us that Adam’s monkey slippers and WASPy attitude calm him down.
Lilly is throwing a doggie birthday party for Coconut and as I said before, I’m not gonna judge. I’ve been there. So hold on kids, this may be the only time I ever recap anything Lily says and does without insulting her. She buys a ton of stuff for the other dogs and a couple of outfits for Coconut. She then tells us that her dog is better than a real child because she’ll never leave her or go away to college. Yeah, but she’s probably gonna die in 10 years – so not so much girlfriend.
GG decides to have lunch with Sasha because, of course she does! She exclaims that she can’t believe he’s there before her, which duh. You think this guy’s gonna be late to his debut? I don’t think so. He’s auditioning – he’s planning on hitting it out of the park and has been there for 45 minutes rehearsing his lines already. And practicing his best pucker so he can kiss GG’s ass and be in her corner.
GG name drops that her great uncle is a famous Iranian poet and Sasha gets even MORE excited. GG kills it though when she says she can’t even read Farsi. Wow. Sasha thanks GG for inviting him out and says that he was afraid everyone was going to hate him because of the incident with Reza. And GG of course says, “I know how you feel.” Ha! I bet she does. Ironically, she’s the one who is usually hammered and screaming at someone soooooo . . . yeah. GG is definitely grooming this kid to be on her team, and it’s kind of twisted. GG is such a little gossip, and shares the whole “Shawn” incident with Sasha, who of course agrees with GG and calls MJ an effing bitch. Which, yes. But at the same time – GG is really fishing for a bigger conflict here and she deserves whatever she gets. She doesn’t want an apology, she wants righteous indignation. GG says she’s always wanted a gay best friend, and Sasha is ready and willing to play the part.
The next segment is Lily’s birthday party for her dog. Of course this asshole shows up to a dog park in sky high heels. I hope she steps in shit. Nothing interesting happens, except that Asa shows up and further proves she’s the nicest person in the group. She’s so sweet to Lily, and not in a pitiful way. I shake my head, because Asa is TOO NICE. Anyway, Lily gets a dog psychic to come out and shares that Coconut actually twirls around and around because the smell of her own ass is better than Lily’s hairspray fumes. True story. Thank you psychic.