Shahs of Sunset Recap: Fake Therapy – Its a Bravo Pasttime

Hola Trashies!   Thanks for hanging in there this week, this is getting craptacular isn’t it?  I’ve loved your input these past few days, and you are all right.  Reza’s redemption storyline is hooey.  Just go take a read on his “blog” on the Bravo website.   This freakshow can’t apologize genuinely for anything.  Ugh.  So let’s get this started.

MJ goes to a specialist to get an over the shoulder boulder holder made.  She tells us that her girls are ginormous (duh) and that they travel.  She then demonstrates the tugging and pulling that goes into harnessing those bad boys.  Girlfriend needs to get a reduction.  She’d be happier.

The lady has some material she wants to try and cinches MJ up in it.  MJ tells her that she has a tiny waist and its being accentuated.  Or more accurately, the Spanx are giving out despite her best efforts.  Even better she tells us that if her bras are tight enough to hold up her boobs, then she has back bulge.  Girl, I can relate.  She tells us it’s traumatizing.  But I’d say this entire segment focused on her ridiculous ta-tas is even more so. 

MJ makes adjustments and scares me
MJ:  Always horrifying, always inappropriate

Mike and Jessica go to Jewish classes.  Mike hasn’t proposed yet, he plans to but he’s too busy pooping his pants right now to go out and buy a ring.  Plus he blew like $50,000 on a stupid bus ad.  So he’s busy.  The rabbi is fantastic and fucks with Mike by making the two of them pretend to get married.  It’s awesome.  Mike almost passes out, Jessica can’t stop laughing at him and I’m endlessly amused.  Good work Rabbi.  You’re not getting paid enough.   Please visit MJ and Reza later.  K, thanx!

photo 4
Okay, who let this guy in?  Also, WHY?!

GG and her sister go to get their nails did, and what could be really boring gets really interesting very quickly.  Apparently it is revealed that Leila and MJ have been spending time together and GG gets SUPER PISSED!  GG tells us that her sister is always competing with her since they were little girls, and this is just another example.  My friends, this is complete bullshit.  First of all, the producers have set up this particular bit of drama.  But also, GG is an idiot for being jealous.  Next thing you know, they’ll be fighting over who gets to ride shotgun and then writing nasty things about each other in a slam book.

Leila is loving this
Why does Leila smile upside down?  Is that the recquisite Mean Girl Smile? 

Leila offers to broker a resolution and tells GG that if she wants to fix this, she’ll need someone there to mediate.  GG is now mad at Leila and mad at MJ – She’s on a roll! 

Adam is lounging around the apartment in monkey slippers while Reza prepares breakfast.  They discuss the Sasha situation and Reza confesses he lost his mind and doesn’t know how to apologize to Sasha.  Reza tells us that Adam’s monkey slippers and WASPy attitude calm him down. 

Lilly is throwing a doggie birthday party for Coconut and as I said before, I’m not gonna judge.  I’ve been there.  So hold on kids, this may be the only time I ever recap anything Lily says and does without insulting her.  She buys a ton of stuff for the other dogs and a couple of outfits for Coconut. She then tells us that her dog is better than a real child because she’ll never leave her or go away to college.  Yeah, but she’s probably gonna die in 10 years – so not so much girlfriend. 

GG decides to have lunch with Sasha because, of course she does!  She exclaims that she can’t believe he’s there before her, which duh.  You think this guy’s gonna be late to his debut? I don’t think so.  He’s auditioning – he’s planning on hitting it out of the park and has been there for 45 minutes rehearsing his lines already.  And practicing his best pucker so he can kiss GG’s ass and be in her corner. 

GG name drops that her great uncle is a famous Iranian poet and Sasha gets even MORE excited.  GG kills it though when she says she can’t even read Farsi.  Wow.  Sasha thanks GG for inviting him out and says that he was afraid everyone was going to hate him because of the incident with Reza.  And GG of course says, “I know how you feel.”  Ha!  I bet she does.  Ironically, she’s the one who is usually hammered and screaming at someone soooooo . . . yeah.  GG is definitely grooming this kid to be on her team, and it’s kind of twisted.  GG is such a little gossip, and shares the whole “Shawn” incident with Sasha, who of course agrees with GG and calls MJ an effing bitch.  Which, yes.  But at the same time – GG is really fishing for a bigger conflict here and she deserves whatever she gets.  She doesn’t want an apology, she wants righteous indignation.   GG says she’s always wanted a gay best friend, and Sasha is ready and willing to play the part.  

GG and Sasha bonding
Ohmygod I’ve always wanted a gay guy to kiss my ass to get a small part on a reality show!  OHMYGOD That’s my dream too!

The next segment is Lily’s birthday party for her dog.  Of course this asshole shows up to a dog park in sky high heels.  I hope she steps in shit.  Nothing interesting happens, except that Asa shows up and further proves she’s the nicest person in the group.  She’s so sweet to Lily, and not in a pitiful way.  I shake my head, because Asa is TOO NICE.  Anyway, Lily gets a dog psychic to come out and shares that Coconut actually twirls around and around because the smell of her own ass is better than Lily’s hairspray fumes.  True story.  Thank you psychic.

Ha, actually Asa is very funny about how Lily doesn’t throw a party as much as she puts on a show for everyone to watch her.  It’s pretty great and very true.  GG shows up and shares with Asa about the whole meltdown with MJ.  So GG is expanding her “Hate on MJ campaign” beyond her new gay BFF (who she’s brought with her by the way).  This, I am telling you, is not going to end well. 

Reza goes to get some therapy and it kind of goes like this:

pink panther mustache muppet
Reza:  So like, I had this big gay fight with this little gay Persian Man.

 poor excuse for therapy
Therapist:  Did he tell you your mustache was stupid?

 pink panther mustache muppet
Reza:  Well, no he called me fat.  But that’s not the point.

 poor excuse for therapy
Therapist:  Truth hurts, right?  So, did he tell you that you looked like a cartoon of a pedophiliac Burt Reynolds?

 pink panther mustache muppet
Reza:  No, he put his feet on the chair.  And he acts like way gay

 poor excuse for therapy
Therapist:  Way gay? 

 pink panther mustache muppet
Reza:  He is WAY GAYER than me

 poor excuse for therapy
Therapist:  So you’re jealous he gets laid more?

 pink panther mustache muppet
Reza:  No!  I mean Yes!  I mean, he ACTS way gayer – he’s really flamboyant, like he’s so incredibly swishy

 poor excuse for therapy
Therapist:  Sooooo, do you have a mirror? 

 pink panther mustache muppet
Reza:  I don’t dress like that?!

 poor excuse for therapy
Therapist:  Again, have you seen the way you dress?  Why are you so mad?

 pink panther mustache muppet
Reza:  I guess I kind of hate myself, which makes me hate him and wear this stupid mustache. 

 poor excuse for therapy
Therapist:  And we have a breakthrough.  Also, shave the mustache

 

Reza then goes and hits up a bar with Asa and MJ.  They’re all having a great time until a clearly slaughtered GG shows up with her girlfriends waiting for Sean to get off of work. Which, doesn’t he live in another state?

 GG decides that being completely plastered is the right condition to confront MJ again.  MJ is cool as a cucumber as GG continues to wind up and up and up.  MJ just kind of qualudes at GG, “your camel toe is showing” and almost falls asleep at the whole fiasco she is so nonplussed.  Reza and Asa are wisely outside eavesdropping and trying to stay out of it.  Finally, Sean shows up and this is the time, the ONLY TIME we will ever hear MJ apologize.

But kids, MJ apologizes to Sean for telling him what she said, but did I hear correctly?  GG denies to Sean that she never made out with Shayan?  Hmmmm.  

MJ is completely over GG, and I can’t blame her.  I mean, at this point GG is making a mess out of everything.  Don’t get me wrong, MJ is an asshole – but GG is running around like a cracked out chijuajua and the whole time she’s lied to her boyfriend.  Not cool GG.  Not cool.  

 

Working on that next show loves, so stay tuned!