Last week, Porsha fainted but no cameras were around to capture it. If an idiot falls in her mother’s house and no one is around to hear it, does she get alimony? NeNe planned a girl’s trip and invited everyone. Momma Joyce and her two sisters proved that we should not allow senior citizens to wear shoes without laces and Kenya was irrelevant.
NeNe is in her closet packing for the trip to Savannah. She has way too much stuff. In fact, she has so much that Gregg asks what else she could be taking since her suitcase is full. He just wants to know so he can plan his outfits for the next week. He’s already wearing her shades and shoes so naturally the next thing he’ll be wearing is one of those tops she loves to wear with no bra. She gives Gregg rules for when she’s gone and he doesn’t like her using the word “rules”. If he wants to keep sleeping upstairs, he’ll just have to get over it.
Kandi goes to Cynthia’s house because she needs to speak with someone who can relate to her situation. Kandi soon discovers that Cynthia’s family was a little rude but not batshit crazy so she’s going to get limited assistance here. Cynthia is shocked that they were arguing in the store and more shocked that her mom said Kandi probably wouldn’t ever wear the wedding dress. Cynthia says that she’s jumping off the balcony when Kandi reveals that they turned into the Old Lady Gang and were about to start fighting. Then, Cynthia is even more shocked when she hears about the Carmon accusations. Her family never took it to this level.
Cynthia wants to know if Joyce’s issue is with any man or just Todd. Kandi says that her mom believes that Todd is after her money and she starts crying. Cynthia turns into a 1820s maid and starts running around saying “Oh lawdy, Jesus” and looking for tissues. Kandi says that they may just do something small because she doesn’t want to end up on an episode of “The World’s Wildest Weddings” or “COPS”. Cynthia tells her that this won’t change the situation because the issues will still be there and she says to check her mom before she loses Todd.
Phaedra is in the office with Ayden and they call Apollo on facetime. Ayden needs a spinoff. He’s the one kid that I could see myself listening to for an hour. He is too cute!! Momma Joyce arrives dressed like an Angry Banana and tries to talk to Ayden. Don’t they say something about kids and dogs; they can detect when someone isn’t legit/good? Ayden, Mr. Personality Plus, suddenly lowers his eyes and refuses to greet her. Phaedra bribes Ayden with a treat if he says hello and he hilariously says “I don’t want a treat.” Besides “I see dead people”, that was the greatest quote ever delivered by a child. Did you see how Momma Joyce’s disposition changed? She got defensive and faulted him for being shy rather than acknowledging that maybe her Sam from Diff’rent Strokes hair cut, blinding shirt and murderous smile weren’t scaring him? He gets to leave to play with big trains so Momma Joyce can continue her campaign for Mother of the Year.
Momma Joyce tells Phaedra that she wants “in the manner to which you’ve become accustomed to” eliminated from the prenup. I think she should eliminate her need to end her sentences with prepositions. She says that he didn’t know anything about it and wouldn’t sign it which isn’t totally true. He said that he wasn’t saying he’d sign anything at that moment. The right answer really would’ve been that he wants nothing from Kandi and he’ll sign anything. Then again, who wants to answer to someone who visibly despises you. Phaedra tells her that she’s sure Kandi has a will and she’ll always take care of her mom. Momma Joyce flips it and asks why Phaedra would even introduce them. Todd is short with a big head and so is Kandi. Phaedra doesn’t have a short big-headed man. The unspoken part of that sentence is…
Momma Joyce is essentially saying that she’d rather Kandi marry an ex-con than a guy who works in TV production. No offense to Apollo but what is wrong with this woman? Her daughter is in the entertainment industry and that’s about as insecure and unpredictable as you can get. Phaedra tries to respond but in her defense I’m sure that she is torn between respecting Joyce and defending her friend. Joyce digs in a little more and says she wouldn’t have introduced her friend to Todd; she would have introduced her to a lawyer. Could anyone see Kandi with a lawyer? She’d probably go to the office Christmas party and tear up the hors’ d’oeuvre before anyone else gets a chance to have any. Secondly, attorneys don’t necessarily make large sums of money. Phaedra asks if Momma Joyce will ever approve or go to the wedding and Momma Joyce says no. Phaedra says that she doesn’t believe Todd is going anywhere because Kandi believes she’s the one and Phaedra does too. Momma Joyce says that she could just choke Phaedra. She also takes a monstrous gulp of water. Phaedra says that Kandi wants her to approve so badly but Joyce says she can’t support this.
Kenya and Brandon are trying to be interesting. Kenya claims that she hasn’t heard of Savannah which is just stupid. I’m pretty sure it was mentioned at least once in Gone with the Wind. Kenya is used to the big city and Atlanta was already too slow for her so she’s hoping Savannah isn’t any slower. She pulls out some gross thong an says that she can take it since Apollo won’t be there and then she starts an impromptu song about twerking in Savannah. It’s not funny and she’s trying too hard for a “moment”. I also can’t stand the fact that she laughs when nothing is funny. My family and I can break into spontaneous song and dance but Brandon seems like he’s been sucked into going along with it.
Oh, I almost forgot that Kenya took out a gun and intimated that she’d shoot Phaedra AKA the donkey as her taser gun wouldn’t stand a chance. WTF?! This is not funny and it almost seems like she could get a restraining order slapped on her for something like that. Lastly, if Kenya Moore could get a gun registered to her, we’re doomed.
Porsha is shopping for shoes. I think it’s for when she goes to job interviews. She doesn’t plan to work but she’ll wait outside for men who’ll soon be employed. The first pair of shoes she tries on are $8000. Once they’re on, they look cute but I’ll just never get this. If I had tons of money or had to make public appearances, maybe I would but as a normal human being who works hard for my money, I’m all too aware that shoe styles come and go and it’s generally just not a smart investment. Ugh, I just mixed smart and investment into a conversation about Porsha. Anyway, they end up choosing a $3500 pair as they reminisce on the days of Kordell calling in his credit card number and getting her whatever she wanted. Hmmm, just two weeks ago she couldn’t even get grocery money out of him. Get your story straight girl.
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