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Pump Rules Recap: Bad Hair+Shots=Mean Drunk | TrashTalkTV

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Pump Rules Recap: Bad Hair+Shots=Mean Drunk

Dear Reality Television,

I never, ever need to see someone getting their ass/cooch waxed. Ever. No way, no how. Because of you, I now know that Stassi waxes her ass. Because of you, I have now SEEN Stassi get her ass waxed. Because of you, I can never UNSEE STASSI’S ASS WAX, EVER. You have irreparably damaged our relationship, and until I receive some form of promise (IN WRITING) that my eyes will never be subjected to such Spa Porn again, I might have to terminate our relationship. I mean, at the very least, please put this stuff on “Shahs” where I’m expecting it.


Soooo, yeah, we opened with a completely unnecessary wax session with Stassi and Katie, and, frankly I really don’t want to talk about it. It was intensely unpleasant. After the bit that scarred me for life, Stassi and Katie grab a cocktail made by one of the spa employees (holy mother of fuck, I hope she wore gloves), and Stassi gets a text from Jax. She still can’t believe he has the gall to text her after he broadcasted his torrid one-night stand with the ballerina, and she and Katie agree that he’s a shitheel who needs to be put in his place. So, yeah, no new developments there. What was the point of this segment? If it was to hurt me, you succeeded, Bravo. You succeeded.

Thankfully, after that we head to the restaurant and get to watch a montage of everyone “working.” Fascinating. Stassi’s clearly eaten a few children on the way to work, because clearly her bloodlust has been temporarily sated. That’s the only explanation I have for her agreeing to meet with Scheana to go over Scheana’s first “article” for “The Divine Addiction.” What I can’t understand is why Scheana would ask, but it’s clear she’s either a glutton for punishment or screentime. Probably both. Stassi interviews that she’s tired of her relationship with Lisa and Pandy suffering because of her shitty treatment of Scheana, so she’s decided to play nice for the time being. My favorite part of this segment was Scheana explaining why she’s qualified to write a makeup blog:

SCHEANA“I do my own makeup.”

So do I, Girl. Makeup artists tell me that it does not qualify me to call myself an expert. If Stassi doesn’t plant fake spelling errors and insert dick pics, I’ll lose what little respect I have for.
After the close, Lisa stops by to check-in and Peter asks her to come to his 30th birthday. She laughs, I laugh, America laughs, but Peter’s got his head so far up her ass he probably can’t. Fucking brownnoser. The sad thing is, she totally ends up going. More on that later.

Jax is wiping down his bar (not a euphemism – minds out of the gutter, Trashtalkers! You might catch something!), and when Stassi walks by, he asks why she’s so mad at him after he just went out on dates like she told him. The thing about Jax that keeps me on his team is that aside from being a liar, he’s really sincere a lot of the time. It’s kind of endearing how stone cold fuck dumb he is. It is NOT endearing to Stassi, of course, who takes yet another opportunity to tell him how much she hates him and what a bad person he is. Then she does it again in front of the rest of the staff, and Jax exits tail between his legs. He interviews that he’s done for good. And this time it’s for good!

JAXSure it is.

At Tom and Kristen’s Den of Lost Hope, they’re both getting ready for a date night that Tom’s planned. I say “date night,” but they both look like they’re headed to some kind of execution. I don’t even think Tom bothered to shave his forehead. Kristen says she’s still worried about the whole Ariana thing, but things like date nights show her that Tom is really trying, so she’ll give him a chance – until he makes one single mistake, that is….

Tom: I’m taking you to Korean BBQ.

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20 comments on “Pump Rules Recap: Bad Hair+Shots=Mean Drunk

  1. Aunt Dorsey says:

    Ooooof, we had to see StassInfection get her cooch and her ass waxed, I guess the silver lining is that we didn’t have to stick around and watch her get her asshole bleached….Thankfully she’s all demure like that and knows where to draw the line.

  2. Gypsy says:

    See now, I thought Scheana couldn’t sit with the Plastics because it was the second time that week she wore sweat pants.

  3. Stevie W. says:

    AGH I have been waiting for this recap for days. While I did enjoy Katie’s Drunk Uncle routine (why weren’t the cameras there for throwing water in Stassinfection’s face, WHY) this was probably the first reality show outside of Teen Mom that I felt there needed to be a PSA disclaimer at the end. You know like, “Verbal/Verbage abuse is never OK, if you are someone you love is stuck in a relationship where you hate each other and need to break up, just do it and stop tormenting each other you will both be happier. TRUST.”

    Seriously I was really uncomfortable in some of those scenes. I love b!tchy trash talkers as much as anyone but there is a point where it might be just a little too much because if you are making me feel bad for Jax and Tom, both cheaters that in a real world situation I would think are scum. There is more than just a bad edit going on here.


    Katie: We are practically engaged and I would never disrespect you by doing that.
    Tom: I DON’T CARE

    Ooooooh burn! That might have been what pushed her over the edge honestly.

  4. LynnB says:

    I hate Stassi. SO MUCH…..Jax is such a little bitch boy stirring up trouble trying to make himself look good. He has no proof Tom and Arianna were together….but him and Kristen? OH MY GOD that is hilarious and I hope it’s true. I think cheaters suck, but I can say I don’t blame Tom for cheating on this nasty skank Kristen who treats/treated him like crap..what I don’t understand is why he wants her forgiveness.

  5. Gypsy says:

    A “Just Break Up” PSA?

  6. rachelkashmir says:

    I’m hoping HorseFace #1 did bone Jax, if only to see Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaasi’s head explode when she finds out. I’m surprised ANYONE would go to SUR after watching this show. You could flood that place is medical grade bleach and you would still get herpes after sitting on the bar stools.

  7. labowner says:

    Imagine if you were an offspring of one of these folks watching this. I would be so embarrassed.

    I don’t understand the appeal of Stassi. Is there something editing is not showing us?

    Wow Katie you magnificent bitch. I imagine Kristen being like that french chick from 2.5 Men when it comes to having sex.

    Shahs, VPR and Courtney – reality train wrecks aplenty on Bravo.

  8. Stevie W. says:

    Yes exactly, these fights are way to intense for people who are dating and somewhat casually at that! I don’t know maybe I am hyper sensitive to this K&T situation because I had my own version of them in my own life (hey same initials too) and lived with them.Basically she was just constantly mad because after 10 years he still had not proposed so they could “move forward in their lives.”

  9. TN Gal says:

    I’m so glad I’m no the only one who hopes the Kristen/Jax rumors are true. I really want to see Queen Stassi’s champagne glass shattered and Tom set free.

  10. Gypsy says:

    You know how to move on? JUST BREAK UP!

  11. Gypsy says:

    Well that would explain Kristen’s extreme paranoia. She cheated as well and she just can’t believe someone would dare do it to her. She remindes me of someone from the 80′s who would cruise the local mall chomp on some Chiclets and say to everyone, “Oh GAG me with a spoon!”

  12. Beamer says:

    I promised myself I would NOT watch this show and yet I’m here in season two. Its actually become one of my favorite Bravo shows b/c Bev Hills is just too damn much! I do love me some Top Chef. My one saving grace in my Bravo addiction that’s somewhat more upscale/cultural(like the Bravo of of old)
    Anyhoo Stassi is a biotch, but she clearly is smarter than all of these twats just begging to be her friend. She totally knows that and can get away with being completely ridonk! I actually like Katie too, but gurl, that hair is distracting me whenever you are on the screen! You are a BRUNETTE boo. I hope Jax and Kristen slept together-eww eww and double eww But she is so awful that I could care less that Tom cheated on her. And I’m sorry 30 my ass…! Maybe she needs to eat some cow! Certainly being a vegan and smoking isn’t keeping her youthful-just bony and depressing to look at!

  13. NotWithoutMyTV NotWithoutMyTV says:

    Mrs NotWithoutMyTV: “Someone needs to tell that “Stozzi” chick that her name is “STACY.”

  14. LynnB says:

    BA HAHAHAHAHA HA!!!!! That’s hilarious…….I have a niece who is named Adrienne…but in the past year she has informed us it’s “Adree-ann” and we all have to pronounce it like that.

  15. StacyNotStazzi says:

    In my family — Alicia is now Aleesia

  16. cleoiam says:

    Katie’s dye job may be the worst reality tv hair that I’ve ever seen. When she had it pulled back in an earlier episode she looked like Norman Bates’ mother in Psycho. I hope the rumor is true too.

  17. Aunt Dorsey says:

    Ooooooo, crossing my fingers that Sandy Claws hears all our importuning and that Jax really porked Horsey Face No.1. Not that it really matters, because these dumb heifers believe even the most ridiculous rumors, so I’m sure they’ll emote all over this one.

  18. Aunt Dorsey says:

    In my family we pronounce “panther piss” as PAN-thurp-IS, like it’s the freaking nectar of the gods and not, you know, rotgut.

  19. Kristen is the most miserable girl, er, woman. Tom could do soooo much better. They need to get a “divorce”! He’s missing out on so much dealing with her perpetual creepiness.

  20. Those two are going nowhere. Kristen should take her miserable behind baaack to exciting Indiana. Tom is nice, normal, too tolerant, but this over-the-hill stringy haired female is just plain abusive and extremely unhappy. What a grande beech!

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