Scandal Recap – I Got 99 Problems…..

Hello, Scandalites – Huck Juniors, or whatever you call yourselves. I’m subbing for the fabulous Lewsor this week, and I hope I do her proud. Tell me – does this show make you feel like you’re on one of those monster roller coasters, and you’ve just entered a tunnel, and you don’t know which way you’re headed? That’s what I feel like with all the twists and turns this season. I’m getting a little lightheaded!

Previously, my sweet psycho Huck showed Quinn that he can give Dexter a run for his money, Cy is a true jerk, Liv and the Pres are going around in circles, and VP Sal exorcised her personal demon by offing her husband. Wow. I need some of Liv’s wine.

We open with the final confrontation between VP Sally and her husband Daniel, and Sally’s on a verbal rampage. She talks about standing at the crossroads of history, and pontificates that he’s been her cross to bear and her original sin. Wow. He accuses her of always knowing what he was, and that she needs his “set of balls” to become President. As Daniel tells her he’s done, and may go the press, Sally snaps and plunges a letter opener into his back as he turns away.

 

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I guess she does have some balls…

 

She stands there, blood spattered across her face, looking as stunned as we all are. And in an ironic twist, she calls the one person that can clean up this mess – the one person who placed the final straw on the camel’s back. Cy arrives, assesses the situation and what his machinations have wrought, and promptly throws up in the bathroom.

 

Liv wants to know where Quinn is. I missed the part where Huck tells Liv that Quinn is a traitor. She’s taking it well. I would kill her myself. Huck is tracking her courtesy of some fine dental work her performed earlier. She’s at B613 with Charlie and Papa Pope, intending to get her damming video footage back and using a Huck-supplied needle to kill Papa Pope. But a random actor enters and tells the group that Mama Pope has been located, and the deal is off. Drats! Wait – wasn’t Mama Pope’s tracking device destroyed? Hmmm… Charlie comforts her with “Hey – at least I didn’t have to kill you!”

 

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Happy Couple

 

Quinn tries to escape, and can’t, and then decides to remove her tracking device by Mac Gyvering a metal rod from towel dispenser in the bathroom. Why she does this – I don’t know. Ouch. Papa Pope is on his way to pick up Mama Pope when he is picked up by – the President. He’s taken to a holding cell in the Pentagon. Quinn decides to walk out the front door when Charlie catches up to her. They’ve got a job – CLEANING UP THE VP’S MESS. Snap!

 

Over at bloody mess central, Cy tells VP Sal that she can make her penance to her God some other time, and act the grieving widow for the presidential doctor. The dead body of Daniel Douglass is moved to the bedroom (a little too neatly, if you ask me), and Cy reminds the semi-catatonic of her role. The presidential doctor arrives, and at the last minute, Sally throws herself on her dead husband. Cy convinces the doctor to forget the exam. Wow.

 

Abby and Harrison are at David Rosen’s office to collect the file on Marie Wallace, aka Mama Pope. A girl named Shelby Moss tries to get David’s attention, but he’s too distracted by his girlfriend. Remember that name, though..

 

Cy has apparently dragged himself to work, where Mellie can’t wait to tell him of Daniel’s untimely demise. She acts like a teenager who just got a meet and greet with One Direction, for God’s sake. Cy looks like he’s going to vomit again, calls himself the devil, and informs Mellie of what really went down. Mellie looks horrified for about a second, and then makes sure that Cy didn’t’t tell the Pres. Good girl, Mellie. Always looking out for the bottom line.

 

Meanwhile , the two most powerful men in D.C. are engaging in a pissing match. Note to the Prez – don’t go into battle unless you’re fully armed. Papa Pope’s got your number.

 

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Battle Arena

 

The POTUS tells him he’s staying right where he is until Mama Pope’s safe. He also wants to know about the plane crash, and dangles his sex life with Olivia as bait. Papa goes right into a beautiful, pointed Shonda diatribe about how Fitzgerald Grant is a nothing more than a big, spoiled, impulsive little boy, and that he ain’t taking Olivia down with him. Mr. President, you’ve been served.

 

The Devil, I mean Cy, goes home to find James watching coverage of the Mr. VP’s funeral. He quickly realizes that James thinks Cy murdered Daniel. Well, not directly…. Cy thinks James carries a torch for the guy. Are you kidding, Cy? Get off that train, for God’s sake! Cy goes on a rant, and James – goes right to David Rosen’s office and tells him about his suspicions. David remembers what happened the last time he followed James lead. (He lost his job.) Sorry, James.

 

VP Sal, still in something of a catatonic state, is listening to Leo tell her how she can turn this negative into a positive. Really, Leo? Can you give her a few days to mourn, please? Mellie comes in with her flowery condolences and, with a subtle eye gesture, kicks Leo out. I love Mellie. Then in one fell swoop, she lets Sally know that she knows, and everyone will rally around her as long as she puts her presidential aspirations where? Back there. (Shout out to Vivica Fox.) Can we give Bellamy Young an Emmy, please?

 

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Who’s got who by the balls, girlfriend?

 

Over at Liv Central, the gladiators are discussing Mama Pope, aka Marie Wallace’s file, and the plane, and throw out scenarios. Jake and Huck are tracking the mysterious kidnappers and end up at the Pentagon. Liv, call your boyfriend. He’s with your dad. Liv takes a meeting with dad, and tells him she thinks there was a bomb on the plane headed for London. But that doesn’t make sense. Why would Mama Pope get on a plane set to explode? Liv comes to the conclusion that maybe Mom tricked Dad to blow up the plane full of innocent people. Sick. Anyhoo, we still don’t know for sure because all we get is a slight nod from Dad. As Liv leaves, she yells at her boyfriend to have her mother arrested as soon as the plane lands.

 

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 Who’s the most powerful person in DC? I think it’s Liv.

 

Back to Quinn the idiot. Charlie wakes to find Quinn gone. Where did she go? To work, of course! She struts in and goes right to Huck demanding an apology. She’s an idiot, I tell ya. Huck tells her she’s lucky he didn’t peel the skin off of her. She’s alive because of Olivia. Huck drives the point home when he tells her she’s not a gladiator anymore. Quinn seems stunned. What were you expecting? So, instead of begging for forgiveness, she runs right back to Charlie. Ugh.

 

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Don’t fuck with Huck.

 

The Pres informs Liv that Mama Pope’s plane never made it to Hong Kong. We then see a landed or crashed plane where all aboard are dead. Damn. Mama ain’t playin’.

Back to VP Sal and Leo. He berates her for agreeing to withdraw from the presidential race. When he mentions Daniel being in Heaven, looking down on her, Sally snaps and tells him what really happened. Daniel the sodomite got what he deserved. Leo’s response?

 

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When you kill someone, tell me!!

 

Remember the young lady at David Rosen’s office; Her company won a NSA contract, and she happened to intercept a call between VP Sal and Cyrus. Guess which call that was?

 

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Damn technology.

 

We’re not done! Liv calls Daddy Pope to ask him one more time about Mom, but his lips are sealed. So is his fate, it turns out. Mr. President had one more ace up his sleeve. Mr. Pope enters his office to find his seat taken by —– JAKE!!!! Aaaagh! Cut off the head of the snake, another pops up in its place. Jake and the POTUS are now a team.

 

Cyrus asks James what he wants so they will stay together. James decides he wants to be named press secretary, and a devil’s deal is made.

 

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Happy Couple Part Deux

 

Just when you think you can get off the damn roller coaster, Liv gets a call – from MOM. Liv freaks out but Mom is cool as a cucumber. She tells her Livvie she’ll see her soon. Mom then hangs up, and casually throws the phone away in a trash can outside of the WHITE HOUSE. I can’t take it!!!

 

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See you next time!

 

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