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Minicap: Survivor Finale | TrashTalkTV

Minicap: Survivor Finale

It’s all over but the recapping, Trashiii Talkers. So I’m not going to waste any time because the sooner I get through this mini the faster I can get to the full recap of this Survivor finale (and reunion).

As we head into this finale episode of Survivor there are still seven people left with a shot to win the game. Well, for a few minutes anyway….

Better learn balance…balance is key. Balance good…everything good. Balance bad…better pack up and go home.

Balance good til sweat get in eyes….then…sweat in, you off! Sucks for Hayden that guys always seem to sweat more on this show than the ladies. Sorry sweaty Hayden!

So it comes down to Tina and Laura and Laura actually has the balls to ask Tina to give it to her! I mean, I get that Tina would probably not even BE there if Laura hadn’t helped her that one time at band camp, But it’s not like this is an immunity challenge and the person giving it up can still be brought to the end by the person they’re giving it up for!  Is Tina THAT generous and unselfish dumb?

You have lost your fucking mind, sister!

So Pissed Off challenge monster Laura loses to her own lack of balance and Tina rejoins the game. I may or may not have had some dirt in my eye when Jeff talked to Laura about leaving and Ceira jumped in to tell her mom what she’s learned from her. What? All the snow and rain has made this place a dust bowl!!

We then spend the majority of our time left being subjected to Monica talking about how awesome she is, how all the power is in her hands, and how she is playing her game. While talking about herself in the third person.

If you don’t like how Monica is talking about Monica then maybe you should just walk away from Monica. That’s what Monica thinks.

Can Ceira and Tina convince Monica to join them in a mom alliance? Or will she stick with Tyson and Gervase, hoping that being a generous, nice, unselfish person will win her the game?

Monica knows that Monica can win this. Monica tells Monica that every night before Monica goes to sleep.

Meet me back here in a few days and we’ll talk more about the importance of balance, check in with Monica so she can tell us more about Monica, and see just how bitter the jury will be this time around. We’ll also visit the reunion where Colon continues to live up to his shitty nickname, Kat proves once again that she is a fucking idiot, and Monica talks more about Monica while Jeff tries to get her (and her husband) to STFU.

See you there!

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27 comments on “Minicap: Survivor Finale

  1. vallegirl says:

    Dear Monica,

    Please stop telling people you and PepperPooter met at the University of Florida.


    Gator Nation

  2. Aunt Dorsey says:

    I am so relieved that Gervase’s awesome powers of oratory did not desert him.

  3. considerthis says:

    Thank God Monica was able to take advantage of the down time between final tribal and the reunion show to get her face rebuilt. Wow by day 39 she was nothing but skin & melting implants!

  4. No, I'm just glad to see you says:

    Gervase should have come up with a better speech. He had a season’s worth of time to compose it while Tyson did all of the heavy lifting. Still his ability to bend over and kiss his own ass while talking out of it at the same time was awe inspiring. Alas, it was one contortion short of the win.

  5. Captain Save-uh-ho says:

    So maaaany things to say. Alas, I’ll wait for the full cap. Looking forward to it PM!

  6. itchy itchy says:

    So basically, if Monica says she’s thinking of doing something, you can immediately assume she’ll do exactly the opposite. She threw the game there. She should have kept Ciera and Grandma, and she probably would have won.

    • vallegirl says:

      Ur jus jellus because you never met a nice, generous, selfless person before.

    • Aunt Dorsey says:

      Only a total PepperPooter would toot her own horn and loudly sing the ’80s “me generation” theme song, do a tap routine to “I Am Woman Hear Me Roar” and thoroughly alarm both Tyson and Gervase, so much so, that Tyson gives his not-hidden immunity idol, he was saving as a love offering to Rachel, to Gervase. Masterful, you dumb knucklehead. What a big move. I guess you showed them.

      If you’d spared us all the self-indulgent dramatics, and reassured Tyson and Gervase, you might have won. But stupid is as stupid does.

  7. itchy itchy says:

    Also; doesn’t Rupert have another fucking shirt?

    • Aunt Dorsey says:

      I chose the moment Rufus and his bride appeared, to mentally check out. On what flipping planet is he the biggest “fan favorite” of all time, because I don’t want to live on that planet.

  8. itchy itchy says:

    B – B – B = ? Big Brother Bikinis?

  9. cattyfan says:

    B-B-B…Butts, Boobs, and Blubbering.

    But the way, Cleaned Up Hayden looks like the buff brother of Scott Clifton.

    • Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

      When I was trying to guess what the BBB was, I specifically left “Brains” out of my guessing, but I definitely had Butts and Boobs in there because they like to get the biggest idiots with the biggest boobs running around in bikinis.

      I’m kind of afraid of the “Brains” part, but after seeing what they did with Cockring at the reunion, I’m assuming it’s going to be a tribe full of Cockrings with the glasses and calculators, drooling over the boobs on Beauty and getting stuffed into the tree mail box by the Brawn. Sounds awesome – can’t wait (that was sarcasm by the way).

  10. captain save-uh-ho says:

    soOOO many things to talk about, can’t wait for the full cap PM! In the meantime I’ll stare in the mirror and talk to myself in third person to boost my ego, while reminiscing over all the life changing things I NEVER did. GAH.

  11. cattyfan says:

    Hey! There was no “fan favorite” check handed out. Must have been part of the budgets cuts. Other evidence includes no big reward trips…just a sad little ice cream cart wheeled into camp.

  12. Robin Robin says:

    Give folks a 1 800# and they will vote for anything. Dancing With The Stars, What Would Happen Live and Big Brother are just a few of the shows that compell
    folks to call in..WWHL is the worst..Why in the world does someone take minutes out of their lives to weigh in on who has the prettiest hair on RHBH..and pay for the priviledge! lol Silly…

    • Aunt Dorsey says:

      Beats me, I’m too damn cheap to call in. Yeah, it’s true, I’ll pinch that nickel until the buffalo poops.

      They fix those damn polls on Andy “I-wanna-be-Graham-Norton” Cohen’s little show. People have been complaining for years that Bravo censors comments on their website and pulls off any snarky remarks about their little fishwives.

  13. sarcasatire says:

    You know what lost the game for Monica? Botox. How frustrating it must be to keep screeching that you’re real yet never change expression.

    When everyone calls you fake, they’re talking about your face.

  14. itchy itchy says:

    Did Probst let Pepperpooter speak during the reunion? (Frankly, it was so boring, I only half-listened).

    Oh. And Probst is starting to look mighty damn leathery. Seeing him next to Cockring was interesting. Never realizes Probst was that short. And they missed a big opportunity in Cockring’s little reel — how hilarious would it have been if Arnett had spelled his name “Cockring”?

    Anyone watch that show? Is it any good?

    • Aunt Dorsey says:

      Nope, Mrs. “I MADE Brad” PepperPooter was doing all the yapping, until Probst finally cut her off in mid-sentence.

  15. considerthis says:

    According to my bro-in-law Cockring’s show is as entertaining as Kat is intelligent. Never seen an episode myself.

    Been scouring the internet to see if Kat and Hayden are still together? Anybody? Too bad he “forced” her to get boob implants vs. a brain implant.

    My prediction is that Hayden and Ciera will be the two cast members who will be invited back for another season.

    • itchy itchy says:

      Tit for tat. She ought to insist he get collagen injections for the missing upper lip of his. Fortunately I’m not gay, so I don’t have to imagine kissing that. Ew.

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