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Courtney Loves Dallas Recap - Could Someone Order A Wambulance, Please? | TrashTalkTV

Courtney Loves Dallas Recap – Parts 1 and 2: Could Someone Order A Wahmbulance, Please?

Hey, y’all!! It’s CynTV, back to recap a new Bravo train wreck called Courtney Does Dallas. And let me tell you, Bravo is getting desperate. It “stars” Courtney Kerr, who was on a previous Bravo train wreck called Most Eligible Dallas. I’m sure you all watched that. Not. She’s a thirty-year old  fashion blogger who spends most of her time whining about her romantic life. Y’all, I think I lost a few brain cells watching this idiot. And if SHE had any brain cells, she should be embarrassed as hell.  The most titillating thing about this show so far is the tongue in cheek reference to an iconic 70’s porn flick called “Debbie Does Dallas”.  Let me tell you – there are more things wrong with Courtney than the Obamacare website! So, snap on your examination gloves as we dissect this bad boy, shall we?

 

According to the kiss-ass bio on Bravo, she has a well-known website called “What Courtney Wore”. (Never heard of it.) She eats, sleeps and breathes fashion! (Yawn.)  And look for her much-anticipated collaboration with Bauble Bar “that fashionistas couldn’t wait to get their hands on”.   Oh, please. And I’ll believe the “thirty-something” reference if you mean 38 and not 30.  She’s also a big fan of the Snooki school of North Jersey high hair.  Perhaps you shouldn’t wear a hairstyle that emphasizes your six-head.

 

PoofPonyTail

 Although it is mesmerizing…

 

Poor, poor Courtney does not have the best luck with men, as she gleefully tells us. One of her boyfriends broke up with her in the middle of a New Year’s countdown!  Now, would you be willing to admit that?  I’ll bet the guy gave her about a million breakup hints. She says she’s a douche bag magnet. I say she doesn’t have a fucking clue.  More proof she’s clueless: she quits a “cushy corporate job” to write a fashion blog because a few women complimented on her clothes.  What, you couldn’t do both? I’ll bet you can’t chew gum and pat your head, either…

 

Courtney and her BFF Tory (or Tori) are in Court’s kitchen birching when a shitload of boxes arrive.  They’re from designers who send her clothes to feature on her blog. Court tells us that her “thing” is to pair high-end items with low-end items. Like – from Walmart? I’m sure she’s driven past a Walmart.  And I bet those designers are THRILLED to see a $300 dollar blouse slumming with a $5 wife beater.

CDD04biggercloset

Someone needs a bigger closet.

 

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35 comments on “Courtney Loves Dallas Recap – Parts 1 and 2: Could Someone Order A Wahmbulance, Please?

  1. Stevie W. says:

    This explains so much, thank you!

    For the last few weeks I have watched commercials for this show and its been a tie between this the depressing/boring summer show and the Fit Twins of which show I do not want to want to watch more. Then the other night another came on and my husband was like who is that? Is she famous? I didn’t watch that Dallas show, but if it was as riveting as that Atlanta show about the jeans store and unrealized singing dreams I think I will count my lucky stars.

    So is the “EX” actually her ex or is he a former BFF she had feelings for?

    Also THIRTY……… 30……. what in Blanche Devereaux years?!?!?!?!

  2. Cortfan says:

    Snarky is one thing. Being so hateful is another. You obviously hate Courtney and this show, so maybe you are not the best person to recap it. You are ruining the show for others. So cut the bitter and be better. Geez!

  3. rachelkashmir says:

    @CynTV- 6 Head- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA! I was going to ignore this poor man’s Carrie Bradshaw but if you’re recapping, I’m all in for hate-watching.

    This show is like Sex in the City fan fic, written by people who have no talent. It is an IMPOSSIBILITY for me to believe ANY person with EYES would look at how this woman dresses and think, “Yeah, I want look like I raided Rainbow Brite’s dumpster.” Ugs. This woman is a self-important twit. It’s clothes, lady. No one is curing cancer here.

  4. Gypsy Gypsy says:

    Didn’t she used to manage a Sunglass Hut? That’s the pedigree I look for in a top stylist.

  5. Myauntfanny says:

    I have never seen or heard of her until this recap.
    I’m completely mesmerized by her side head mounds. Awesome! It’s so reminiscent of Gary Oldman in Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I’ll watch next episode thanks to you!

  6. fury13 says:

    Yesyesyes Gypsy! At the Galleria Mall! I personally do not consider that to be a ‘cushy corporate job’ but then she also referred to D Magazine as a ‘chic city guide’. Fear not, other states: D Magazine rewards good reviews to restaurants that pay to advertise, features ‘Best Plastic Surgeon’, etc. under similar circumstance, and someone (I’m guessing Bravo) paid to have her featured in 10 Most Attractive Women feature.

    • Gypsy Gypsy says:

      Ohhhh insider info! Spill that tea! I picture a cushy corporate job to look something like Jamie Dimon’s Holiday card that was blast all over Bloomberg today. Not the Sunglass Hut at the Galleria. #sorrynotsorry

      • fury13 says:

        Manager can be a subjective term, as well. Does it mean she was in charge of pulling down the metal door and locking it at closing time? And I maaaaay have worked an ‘event’ (not implying any sort of exclusiveness whatsoever) where, alas, her guest for the seated part failed to show. She was NOT happy. At least her inability to find male companionship is (so far) being accurately represented! In fairness I must reveal that she was VERY polite to the staff…disappointing, I know.

  7. rachelkashmir says:

    She’s not even a stylist. She’s a “Fashion Blogger.” So basically, she’s putting her unsolicited opinion out there for no one.

  8. labowner says:

    Yeah thank you for recapping this train wreck.

    On MED – I am not sure if I felt sorry for her when Matt was a total dick and led her on or think she is just another idiot female who thought she would be the “one” to change him.

    Her blog is filled with more Courtneyisms. Pink elephant in the room?

    • LynnB says:

      Courtney had no trouble when Matt was using women and being a dick to them while they were “besties” until he did it to her…and now he’s the douche. That’s a surprise? He just stopped calling? She watched him do it for years. And if she is 30 I am a virgin with 2 kids.

  9. TN Gal says:

    I tried watching this mess, and couldn’t make heads or tails out of it. I felt like Kim Richards watching Carlton and Brandi kiss. I. Don’t. Know. I don’t know….I don’t……know.
    I will say girlfriend needs to learn how to style her hair around that forehead. You could rent out billboard space on it.

  10. Aunt Dorsey says:

    I thought my dance card was as full of Bravo fishwives as it could get, so I didn’t watch Debbie Does Dallas but if you’re going to recap this mess, I will pencil it in.

    • Gypsy Gypsy says:

      Auntie, this fishwives thing, pardon my ignorance but can you elaborate? It’s not just for the “Real” ones?

      • Aunt Dorsey says:

        Just my little joke. When I was a sweet young thing, one was constantly admonished not to act like a fishwife. None of them are really hausfraus in the traditional sense. A fishwife was a fish monger and most of these “housewives” are hawking some crap or other, but the other pejorative meaning fishwife took on was that of a vulgar, verbally abusive, foul mouthed, low rent woman, a shit-stirrer and drama queen….and I just believe in truth in advertising. Watch one of the reunions and it’s like the damn annual convocation of fishwives.

        After a while all of Andy’s shows just blur together but I guess technically this lady doesn’t qualify, she’s a fashionista, no?

        • Gypsy Gypsy says:

          Thank you. So who would you consider the worst Fish wife, in your opinion that is?

          • TN Gal says:

            *raises hand and makes Arnold Horseshack “oooh, oooh” noise*
            Tammy Sue Barney Judge! She’s taking Simin to court so the kids can appear on OC next season. I guess she’s ran out of people/situations to exploit and old Rapey Eyes Ryan is too busy. Time to send the next generation into therapy!

          • Aunt Dorsey says:

            Ding, ding, ding, dinggggg and we have a winnah! TN Gal takes home the slimy mackerel trophy. Of course, the entire cast of New Jersey is nipping at Tammy Sue’s round heels.

  11. aubreyj says:

    Great recap

  12. CynTV CynTV says:

    OMG – When I watched the mess I thought NO ONE was going to watch this! So THANKS, guys! (You too, CortFan.) My favorite part of this show is Courtney confronting Matt in a Gymboree outfit at some random party wanting to have a “serious” conversation. And I’m sure they’ll be more OMG moments when Matt “accidentally” runs into Courtney.

  13. labowner says:

    Who has the larger forehead? Courtney or Tre?

  14. aubreyj says:

    Courtney is acting really shallow and clueless, agreed!

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