Shahs of Sunset Recap: Persian Pride Parade

Hola Trashies!

I can’t believe Bravo snuck an episode in, as such, the first one didn’t record.  The nerve!  I knew there was something missing when I watched Tuesday night’s episode.  Geez.  At least the producers edit the show in such a way that I noticed.  You can’t say that for most Bravo shows I guess.  Anyway, moving on.  The show opens with Mike in bed incredulous at Reza’s behavior at the club the night before.  He says he’s never seen Reza act that way before and I call bullshit.  I think they’re just used to seeing him lash out at his friends not strangers.

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In other news, how cute is Mike’s pup!  Let’s see more of this dog, please.

Mike goes to lunch with his brother and it’s kind of boring. They’re ordering drinks and gossiping about the drama the night before.  His brother is nice and all but zero personality.

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Brothers don’t let brothers dress like an early 90’s white rapper.  What’s up Fresh Persian Prince of Sunset?

Mike and his brother are talking about how embarrassing the night before was, and he’s also excited about being on the float for the club.  He tells his brother he doesn’t want Reza on the float,which is understandable.  So at the restaurant he steps outside and calls Reza to tell him not to bother being on the float.  It’s kind of funny, because Reza is simultaneously disgusted and jealous.  He tells off Mike, and then hangs up on him.  Honestly, I don’t think that phone call even needed to be made because I don’t think Reza would have gone anyway.  Just so he could have something to seem self-righteous about.  He hangs up on Mike and I laugh.

But props to Mike for being straightforward and letting him know that his actions were out of line and he needs to shape up and act right.  I appreciate that.  But I guarantee you Reza doesn’t.   Always agree with the mustache

At Reza’s condo, Reza is furious at Mike.  But he’s also furious at himself.  He tells us that he did an act that he finds repulsive (calling Sasha’s brother the F-word).  Adam tells Reza  that he’s concerned that the Mike situation could end up like the MJ situation and asks him what he can do to help him.  Honestly, Adam is way too good for Reza, and Reza should never let him go.  Even if this shit is scripted, I have to say that seemed genuine.  I am officially Team Adam.  Reza agrees with me and interviews that Adam is the best.  Well, duh.

At Asa’s house, Asa decides to make some veggie juice for her Mom to break her mother’s Cheetoh addiction.  It goes probably about as well as you’d expect.  Asa’s Mom says that when she gets fat she’ll just get lipo.  LOL!  She also refuses to drink water, which is great because – she’s gonna be drowning in unsold diamond water.  Anyway, Asa makes a juice for her Cheetoh loving mother and it goes about as well as you’d expect with her mother comparing it to diarrhea and vomit.  Lovely!  She pours it down the sink and eats some Cheetohs.

MJ and Mike meet up for lunch and she deep-throats  some whipped cream while getting her ass chewed by Mike.  Mike has her number and believes that MJ only sides with Reza because she’s afraid of losing his friendship again – which is why she sides with him even when he’s wrong.  Damn, is Mike the moral center of this show?  I would NOT have seen that coming after the first season – I took him for a total shallow playboy.   But he’s very insightful.  Shit.  How does this happen on a Bravo show?  Shocked.

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I’m sorry, I can’t hear myself think over the sounds of your whipped cream orgasm

Mike says that the kid cried after Reza left and that Reza was wrong.  Mike finally agrees with Mike and says that Reza should not make someone who is insecure about their sexuality feel even worse and kick him further into the closet.  Yes!  MJ kind of admitted she was wrong about something! Amazing.  MJ says she feels bad about Sasha hurting but she felt she had to stick up for Reza regardless.  MJ takes the disinvitation to Persian Pride parade pretty well, but I think the whipped cream helped.

Next we meet with Lily who brags more about her business and her tacky bathing suits.  Sorry but a lace body suit bathing suit is just hideous.  Ugh.  anyway, apparently this idiot is going to do some branding for another bathing suit line which – what the fuck?  Isn’t that like a conflict of interest?  Also she interviews that she doesn’t really follow trends in the swimwear industry which – the HELL?   This is why I do not for a second believe that her business is a real business. It’s gotta just be a way for her parents to get a tax benefit or some shit.  Anyway, Lily simultaneously bores me and annoys me.  Moving on.

It’s the day of the Gay Pride Parade and everyone is getting ready.  Mike’s girlfriend describes the gay pride parade as a “big happy riot,” and I wanna go!  Everyone is walking by the floats and they find the float because it’s covered in gold.   The gay pride parade is great.  GG is having a blast checking out all the hot guys, the drag queens on the float are having a great time.

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Persian Pride brigade:  GG dresses like Rainbow Brite and Asa dresses like Janet Jackson. 

It really looks like a lot of fun.  They pick up Lily on the side of the road and haul her tiny ass and giant hair in the float and she fits right in with all the serious Drag going on. Everyone says they miss Reza and MJ (they really don’t) and then the parade is over.  Asa says the parade is important because they are representing gay Middle Easterners and in the Middle East, you can get killed for being homosexual.  Sometimes Asa makes a lot of sense.

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Gay Captain Stubing looks really bored, as am I

What makes no sense at all is little Sasha’s ensemble.  Well, I guess it does make sense.  Because these events are all about freedom of expression and getting your rocks off anyway you wish.  So if a jock strap and see through pants is your thing, I cannot judge.  But I will.  Because – just ew.  I did NOT want to see his brown eye.  Thanks producers!

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The moment GG realizes she could have an ally in this whole GG v MJ and Reza mess.

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It has been brought to my attention that this ensemble is probably not as scandalous as others at Gay Pride.  Having been to a few events and seen the jock straps WITHOUT the pants, I’d agree.  Maybe it’s the shoes that bother me the most?  Or the hairy ass crack. 

The girls start to ask Sasha about the incident at the club, Sasha starts explaining the whole FOB thing and then Mike shuts it down and tells Sasha that they’re not going to be talking abou tthis two days later and if it’s going to be resolved it needs to be between Reza and Sasha.  Which, point Mike!  Mike further explains to everyone that Reza’s problem with Sasha is the way Sasha expresses his sexuality (flamboyant).  A light goes off for Asa and she tells us she gets it.  The dude doesn’t even wear underwear.  So they may be Americans but they’re still Persian.  Interesting.  So Reza’s issue with Sasha is cultural and sexual.  Wow.  Good luck unpacking that emotional suitcase Mustache.

The crew goes to an after party at a pool, and they’re drinking and relaxing and there’s no drama except for the crew trying to throw GG in the pool.  GG is on the lookout for a cute boy, despite her boyfriend Sean.  GG’s got a glass of champagne in her hand and stumbling around the pool begging for straight male attention.  She’s shameless and I love it.  He’s not that cute, but beggars can’t be choosers I guess.  He did have an English accent.

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Carmen Miranda cheers GG’s ability to find straight peen in a sea of homosexuals. 

So Asa invites Reza over to hear the whole Sasha story from him.  She is a great hostess and makes him his favorite desserts and tea.  He looks really stressed out when he arrives.  Asa tells Reza she was shocked by the story and wants to hear it from him.   He says he doesn’t even know where to start.  He looks really unhappy and he’s holding cupcakes.

i want Asa to be my friend
Everyone needs a friend like Asa, a sweet little hippy to bring you cupcakes when you’re sad.

Reza says that everything about Sasha bothers him.  And that the sound of his voice triggered old feelings.  The way he looked, being Persian, being gay and his struggles – he said he took 39 years worth of pain he unloaded on Sasha.  Someone’s been doing some reflecting. Hey MJ, are you watching this?

Asa says he holds too much in and needs to start addressing them.  Reza agrees, and wants to figure out what he can do to fix all this pain that causes him to be so angry and hateful and disgusting, and then he wants to talk to Sasha and apologize.  Reza tells us he grew up depressed and only felt that his two options for living were suicide or a fake life.  He felt oppressed and depressed and then the gay Muppet cries.  Pobrecito,  I can’t snark on it.  I think everyone knows someone who struggled with this to some degree and there’s nothing funny about it – and not everyone handles it well or processes it correctly.  So I hope Reza figures it out.  The next episode he actually sees a therapist, so I hope that works out for him.

Next week Reza sees a therapist, Lily throws her dog a birthday party, and GG has meltdown (again) and confronts MJ (again).

So what did you guys think of this episode?  Should Sasha wax that ass of his?  Is Reza more self-aware than MJ?  Should GG cool it with the aggressive flirting if she wants any credit regarding her relationship with Sean?  Dish in the comments, loves!
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