Greetings, Trashies (and a special hi to Robin’s mom and aunt – I’ll make sure you get your recaps on time!). What? Why do we have fluff on the regular show? Who the hell is Elmo Black anyway? Is that what the kids today are listening to? The song is actually pretty good. Maybe I don’t have to yell at the kids on my lawn tonight. Oh, no! Tom has a special announcement! It’s kind of a pointless announcement. If we weren’t counting the votes from tonight, a female star would be going home. But we are still counting the scores from tonight, so that means nothing. Thanks, Tom.
It’s Most Memorable Year night a/k/a Everyone Has a Sob Story night. Christina and Mark are up first. Apparently, Christina took Julianne’s dig at Mark as an insult to her. That doesn’t make any sense. Anyway, her sob story is about how her daughter was born in 2010 and then she and her husband divorced that same year. Nothing shows that you’ve moved on from a cheating spouse like dancing to CeeLo Green’s “Fuck You.” Oh, wait, we have to call it “Forget You” to be family friendly. Apparently, saying “fuck you” to her ex-husband is more memorable that her daughter being born. Nice priorities, Christina.
Oh, hey, it’s another dance where Christina plays a sexy and strong woman. I’m over he schtick already. Also, what made Mark think that literal choreography was a good idea? That beginning just looked awkward. So, what do the judges think? Len is happy to be back from the UK just because he got to see that dance. Len got laid tonight, I guess. Bruno thinks Christina painted the perfect picture of a hot Latina…also, she was indecently hot. Carrie Ann says that Christina really had something special tonight. No, she didn’t. It was the same damn thing she does every week. Oh, and Mark does a “new woman” dance and it’s really uncomfortable. Can we vote these two off now?
Carrie Ann – 9
Len – 10
Bruno – 9
Really? Christina and Mark get the first 10 of the season…from Len?!?! He must have had a whole sexcapade before this show started.
We come back from commercials and Brooke holds some awkward interviews before Jack and Cheryl dance. In 2012, Jack and his wife moved into a new house and had a baby! Then, a few weeks later, he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I can’t snark on this, because Jack says he’s always been more scared for his child. Then Jack’s daughter comes to rehearsal and I think my ovaries just exploded. She’s so damn cute. I’m going to cry through this, aren’t I?
Oh! I love this song! I was 13-years-old when Romeo + Juliet came out. I used to sit in my room listening to this over and over again because my 8th grade crush didn’t return my affection. So, yes, I did cry throughout this, but not because of the dance. Bruno is oddly calm as he shares his admiration for Jack and thinks the dancing was wonderful. Carrie Ann says something about the “grace of [Jack's] being.” I think she is trying to say she likes his confidence and performance. She kind of moaned at one point. Len appreciates how much Jack and Cheryl stayed in hold, but he just needs to work on the musicality of his hands.