Orlando Jones has started a tumblr and gone on record that he thinks the Crabbie vs Ichatrina shippers should stop fighting and ship Ichving (Ichabod/Irving) instead. He’s looking for Ichving slash fic. From now on I’ll be finding Irving subtext that doesn’t exist to lure him in.
We open in Boston Harbor in December 1773 for the infamous Boston Tea Party. Colonial dudes aren’t dumping tea so much as hacking open boxes to let it all spill out. There are going to be some seriously caffeine buzzed rats on that harbor. Why does the past have the “Cybil Sheppard in Moonlighting” glamor filter? Ich and a group of men break into a warehouse. The leader makes Ich wait at the door because General Washington wants his pretty boy to come back alive.
They find a red coat with a silly mustache, slicked down hair, and ear curls guarding a crate. This dude is a just neckbeard away from hipster. In German he prays to Mighty Lord Death and then literally blows this
Popsicle tea stand. Ich is blown down and straight into a flashback voiceover.
While we see images of Katrina doing her Boob Nurse and Witch things, Ich gives one of his fancy-word speeches about how, like, they totally love each other through space and time, bonded through eternity, blah blee bloo, more tell instead of show, no one cares. A few minutes of screen time, whispering urgent riddles that are never actually helpful, is not enough to invest the audience in Katrina, her flowing red locks, or her boobs. (Well, maybe the boobs. They seem perky.)
We segue through the speech to see Ich sitting in an SUV, talking out loud to no one about true love. The disembodied voice of a woman sobs that she is so sorry. Ich replies that his speech is to suggest that “no matter how cruelly he has treated [her]” she shouldn’t give up. Did Ich just suggest that if the person you love treats you like crap you should stick around? I think Ich might have a bit of Stockholm syndrome going with Katrina. The lady thanks Ich for the insight and he replies with a speech that I love so much I’m quoting.
It is I who should thank you, kind woman, for unlocking this vehicle from afar and showing me how the entertainment system operates. Farewell, Yolanda.
Turns out she’s the Northstar Assistance lady. They really should have parlayed that into an actual OnStar product placement. Though how did he contact her to open the car? Is Ich carrying a cell now?
A white van screams past, sirens start to blare, and Abbie strides up to tell Ich Jenny escaped.
Irving has joined the party and Abbie wants a chance to find Jenny before the police go after her. Ich follows behind and seems to be eying Irving’s backside. (Hi, Orlando!) Irving points out that Ich talked to Jenny for five minutes and she immediately bounced so this is all his fault. Ich insists that Jenny is smart and normal, just dealing with bad stuff from her past. Irving listens intently.
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