Hi, Trashies! Last week on Million Dollar Listing LA, Madison and Marcos broke up (sad) and Josh F. took a shit in Josh A.’s bathroom and used all the toilet paper (hilarious). I guess Mr. Flagg was just adding to the pile of excrement that already lives in the house! Let’s get right to the episode, shall we?
Madison is home from Mexico and heading to a listing meeting in Live Oak Meadows. The house in question is a famous one designed by Finn Kappe. It’s really a cool looking house. Madison meats with Mili who is busy “fooling around with her recipes” and offering wine! I’ll sell this house if it gets me wine!
Madison thinks the house is great, but there are some concerns. The bedrooms are very small and there is a lot of maintenance that needs to be done. Mili is, of course, upset to learn that Madison thinks the house should be priced just under $2 million. Fortunately, Mili trusts Madison’s judgment and they agree to list at $1.995 million.
Woo-hoo! Josh F. is up next. More of him, less of Altman, Bravo! Listen to your viewers (meaning me). Anyway, Josh and Heather are back at Duquette Ranch for the brokers open…and Mikey is here. Really? Can we not?
Oh, hey! They Madison even shows up. I’m not sure why everyone seems so surprised by this. First of all, Heather’s name was on the listing. Second, Madison does nearly all of his business in Malibu. If you’re selling a house in Malibu, Madison will probably be there. Why is everyone on this show kind of stupid?
Side note: New game! Everyone drink when Heather can’t move her face!
The Brothers Douchebag (Altman) are in the car actually bragging to one another about the business they’re doing. Really, Josh? You’re in business with your brother. You can stop trying to one up him now. The phone rings, and George is on the phone. He’s a successful flipper and house a finished house for Josh and Matt to list. George bought the house for $950,000 and is hoping to sell for $1.5 – $2 million.
Back to Josh F., Heather, and Madison and all the awkwardness that we’ve been waiting for all season! Madison wants to know if Heather bothered to talk to Josh A. before agreeing to co-list this property. I’m not sure why that matters. Heather’s not in business with Josh A. – at all. Instead of throwing out the little “it is what it is” thing she did, she should have just said, “I don’t work with Josh A. He doesn’t get a say in what I do professionally.”
Madison decides it’s a good idea to bring up Heather’s co-listing with Josh A. from last season. Shut up, Madison. There is no greater illustration of the phrase “comparing apples to oranges.” Heather co-listing with Josh A. last year was wrong because she did it without talking to her employer first. Heather not talking to her boyfriend before co-listing with someone is not a big deal. You know, Madison, I’m starting to rethink liking you this season.
Argh! Shut up, Madison! How does he not see the difference between an employer and a boyfriend? Good on Heather for saying they need to just move on and be professional. Thankfully, Josh comes in and takes Madison away for the tour of the house. It makes me happy that he and I think alike. He doesn’t understand why Heather would have to get permission from her boyfriend to co-list a property with Josh A.’s competition. Hell, at this point, Heather is competition for the Altman Brothers since she doesn’t work for them. Why is it that the youngest person on this show is the most mature? Oh, and fuck Paige (Madison’s assistant) for giving Heather that “old lady advice.” Heather doesn’t fucking need permission from her boyfriend to enter into a business venture. Period. Holy shit, Mikey is the most mature person in the conversation and he shuts it down.
Josh A. and Matt are in Westwood for a brokers open and George’s flipped house. They’ve listed at $1.995 million for the modernized Spanish style home. Oh, and a mariachi singer is going to be there. Mikey is offended because he’s the one who usually does the singing and dancing and greeting and general stupidity. And he jumps in with some stupidity anyway.
Meanwhile, Madison is back at Live Oak Meadows with his photographer. And that’s it. They took some pictures. Awesome.
And we go to Josh F. and Colton’s condo for some private showings. Josh, like most sellers, doesn’t think anyone will find anything wrong with this condo. As if on cue, brokers complain about the furniture and the size. Josh vows to never say something negative in front of a seller again.
Oh, hey, Josh A. and Matt are in their office discussing George’s house. I’m happy to report that they haven’t had a single call in the week since the brokers open. Hooray! I love to watch the Altman failures. It’s just so beautiful. They ask Mikey to send an email to the brokers for another marketing push. Is anyone surprised that he has to come back three times to ask questions about another email? And then it gets sent without Josh or Matt looking it over first.
It’s time to spend more time with Madison. Let’s hope he’s not whining about something that’s none of his business. Oh, good. He’s just showing the house at Live Oak Meadows. He’s surprised that there is a good turnout because people in Malibu stay home when it rains. Unfortunately, the rain shows that there are leaks…in the master bedroom. Wonderful. Suddenly, an unnamed man shows up with an offer for $1.6 million.
Madison calls Mimi to tell her the good news. She’s disappointed at the low offer, but Madison explains that there are really no comps for this house. It’s just so unique that it’s going to need a very specific buyer. Mimi decides to counter at $1.795 million, and Madison is worried that it may be too high. He agrees to offer it anyway.
Back at the flipped house, Josh A. is meeting with some more clients. Josh describes the house as “a tile lover’s dream.” Are there really that many people who have dreams about tile? Hahaha! One of the brokers gets a parking ticket and all Josh has is $100 bills. I love that he loses money on a showing.
Back and Josh F.’s conod, Inna has arrived with an offer from her Indonesian clients. They’re offering $1.7 million all cash, but Josh refuses to go any lower than $1.85 million. He then counters at $1.9 million fully furnished. However, the clients are not interested in the furniture at all. They just want the condo, so Inna calls her clients. They came back at $1.8 million. And then Josh cries and I love it…especially because it’s all an act.
No! No more Josh A. Take me back to Josh F.’s condo! Anyway, he’s meeting with George and his wife about an offer on their house. George wants to wait because he thinks the $1.8 million is too low. His wife, Favy, explains to him that he already has a project lined up. The quicker he sells this house, the quicker he can move on to the next one. George decides to take $1.9 million if it’s closed in 30 days.
And we’re back at Duquette Ranch where Mikey goes swimming in his undewear. Then Heather shows up…I think. It’s only a disembodied voice. What the fuck was the point of that segment?
Meanwhile, Josh A. is getting off the phone with the seller’s agent. The buyer is willing to go to $1.9 million as long as 1.) the antique sinks are replaced with new ones, 2.) a fire pit is put in the backyard, and 3.) the wrought iron gate is motorized. I like Favy. She tells George not to take a buyer’s taste so personally. That seems to work because George agrees on $1.9 million with the changes.
Josh F. and Inna are still negotiating. She explains that her client authorized her to come up to $1.85 million. That’s Josh’s magic number, but he doesn’t want to stop there. He tries to get just a little more money and says he’ll wrap it up for $1.86 million. Inna calls her client…and it’s a deal! Now, who’s going to tell Edith that Josh is moving out?
Oh, fuck me sideways. Josh A. is back with his jeweler (Jason) to see Heather’s engagement ring for the first time. Josh opens the box and the ring is spinning. Of course it is. Maybe I’m just missing that love for all things shiny that most girls have, but I kind of think the ring looks gaudy. Personally, the more stones I see on a ring and the bigger it is, the cheaper it looks to me.
The ring is literally completely covered in diamonds. Then Josh gets emotional. Anyone else, I’d be sitting here thinking how sweet it all is. However, this is Josh and it just makes me roll my eyes.
Now for a little break from the douche with Madison. Unfortunately, the original offer disappeared. Michael, an agent, is back to see the house with another offer, but there are some issues. There are cracks in the floor need to be fixed and Michael wants to check out the sound in each room. By “check the sound,” Michael means that he wants to see how quiet each room is. Fortunately, they can work with bird sounds. There are so many weird people on this show. Michael’s client wants to start at $1.4 million and Madison knows that will simply insult his client.
Back at Josh F.’s condo, he’s getting his hair done when Heather comes by Kyle (her hair dresser). They still haven’t found a buyer for Duquette Ranch. Josh thinks that they should keep it on the market at the same price because the seller is willing to wait for his price. Aw. Josh is sweet. Despite Heather’s horrible taste in men, he really likes working with her.
And we come back to Madison one last time. He uses the other offer as leverage to get some more money. Despite the other buyer pulling it, the offer is valid for three days after it’s made. This seems a little shady to me, but it’s not entirely dishonest. Michael calls his client to see if $1.605 would be acceptable. Mimi isn’t thrilled, but she trusts Madison’s judgment they have a deal.
So, that’s it for this week. Aren’t we at the finale yet? It looks like we’re going to see Grandma Edith next week and she doesn’t seem happy with her grandson moving. Also, there’s going to be a blow out between the two Joshes. I can’t wait!