Welcome, Trashmii and Gladiators, to my inaugural (Ha! Presidential humor!) recap. Scandal’s always been entertaining to watch, and season three is throwing caution to the wind and reveling in the trashiness, so it’s ripe for the TTV treatment. A lot happened in this premiere, so let’s get started!
The season opens with a weirdly stylized montage of newscasters talking about the “First Mistress.” One of the newscasters apparently thinks this is a Tiger Woods situation, and that other women will be coming out of the woodwork. This is interspersed with black and white stills of the main characters. There’s Cyrus awkwardly holding a newspaper so we can see the headline! There’s Mellie on the phone! There’s Olivia in her straightjackety jogging attire!
It’s called Asylum Chic
Cut to Olivia in the limo with her dad. Olivia wants to know why he tried to have her killed, he tells her that the target wasn’t her, it was Jake Ballard. Okay, then, all is forgiven, I guess! They get out of the car and Olivia freaks out because they’re in an airplane hangar. I guess he’s going to ship her off to boarding school? Her dad gives a monologue about how Olivia is a slut because she wasn’t even sleeping her way to Chief of Staff. It’s too long, and it contains the horribly cheesy line “I know more than you could possibly imagine about things of which you cannot dream.” I might like this character if he was played by Samuel L. Jackson.
Anyway, after stroking Olivia’s face (It’s even creepier than it sounds), he tells her that he’s going to send her to a brand new life with a brand new identity. Isn’t that a little dramatic, Dad? Sure, the press is going to be awful, but Monica Lewinsky turned out just fine (Kind of). Olivia seems hesitant, but her Dad tells her she’s getting on come hell or high water, assuring her that he is the hell and high water. I bet Samuel L. Jackson would’ve delivered that line with style.
Olivia gets on the plane, but she manages to get a cell phone from the stewardess and calls Cy. She accuses him of leaking her name to the press and actually considers disappearing. Cy promises to bury the story if she stays, which makes no sense. If that was a viable option, why didn’t they do that before? Liv gets off the plane and heads out of the hangar, sassing her dad all the way out.
Meanwhile, the White House is undergoing some serious damage control. Cyrus is trying to get VP Sally to come to Fitz’s defense and she isn’t having it. Cy throws one of his tantrums, only this time someone throws it back to him. VP Sally gives him a lecture only a Tea Partier could deliver, mentioning Cy’s “godless homosexual lifestyle” and “poor, sweet, brown baby.” Damn! Fitz kicks everyone out except Sally. He wants a one-on-one with her, but not before heading to the bar first (Of course). He levels with her, admitting to lying and cheating, and apologizes for not being the best teammate. I didn’t think she’d go for it, (After all, this is the man who blackmailed her about her daughter’s abortion) but his honesty shocks the crap out of her and she actually decides to help him out.
“Try not to look crazy, try not to look crazy, try not to…”
Back to Olivia, who is being driven to her office. The paparazzi are lying in wait. There are a ton of them, and they are completely crazy. She tries hiding from them with her hair (?) and her driver drops the ball by ditching the car entirely. A paparazzi climbs into the car and starts snapping photos of her in the backseat in the fetal position. She sits there like a bump on a log until Huck comes to the rescue and gets her to her office safely.
Olivia and the Gladiators assemble. Whoa, is it just me or is Abby looking sexy? Anyway, Olivia completely represses everything and acts like it’s business as usual, but Abby tells her that they’re being dropped by all of their clients. I’m not sure how Olivia didn’t see that coming. While Liv tries (And fails miserably) to smooth things over with her clients, the Gladiators discuss their next move. Harrison’s determined to handle the situation.
At the White House, Cy does his weird, power trippy, 50 Shades thing with James, trying to figure out who leaked Olivia’s name to the press. James reveals that a lot of journalists go to a bar frequented by the Secret Service to get info. Cy’s so happy that he kisses James, and two people in the background are totally like “WHAT!? A GAY KISS? IN THE WHITE HOUSE?”