I think the Toddlers & Tiaras contestants are catching on because this was a bit of a snooze in terms of draaaama, but there’s still a good amount of snark. There are rumors of the show being cancelled – I’m checking with my mole, a.k.a. The Internet – so we’ll have to see. Given that this is America, is there really any end to the number of people willing to look stupid on reality TV for their 15 minutes of fame (Bethanny, I believe you are at 14:45…).
We’re back with our favorite over-dressing/young-dressing Betty, and she tells us in that cigarette-drenched voice of hers that this is the “If I Were a Rich Girl (or Boy)” pageant, and if I were rich I’d smite my enemies, then I’d have to go back to work to make money to eat. Revenge aside, we’re following 2 girls and a boy this pageant.
Like this sharp-dressed man!
First up is Kate, 4, who looks like she’s about 18 months old initially (and talks like it too!), but then turns out to be a funny-in-a-possessed kind of way and very imaginative. She has lots of conversations with a doll that kind of scares me, but I like her spunk. She calls herself the devil and sister – I’m right there with you. I just have to hide my horns while at work.
Next up is our token male, Kaden, who is 5. He’s a fun-loving, interesting, well-spoken tank of a kid who is clearly going to be the high school’s metrosexual quarterback, the guy who is going to make sure everyone is taken care of and no one is bullied. He’s an awesome kid and so is his older brother who used to do pageants but has since retired to “coach.” And does he know how to make kissy face or what?
And finally we meet the unfortunately-named-soon-to-be-pole-dancer-because-of-it Cherish, 6, and her pageant mom Ashley. Ashley will be competing in the pageant, which we all know is great for her daughter’s self-esteem. Cherish has a footrace with her mother and loses, she paints horrifying vinyl dolls with her mother and mucks them up, and well, her pageant time is less quality, and more soul-quashing with her mom. Hooray for cutters!
The pageant is an interesting theme and I would love to know where Betty got that tree with all the money growing off it…talk about great for feng shui! The pageant itself has beauty and less-than, “Rich Wear” that has a wardrobe malfunction, and a sharp dressed man, no questions asked.
The mom pageant is lightly attended, including one mom who shows up in her jeans! Boo!
No spoiler alerts except a quick hint on Jaden’s mom’s size:
Seriously, don’t ask, don’t tell before you order your Affordable Care Act insurance. They can’t deny you sister, just tell them you are pregnant with 2 hams and a couple of roasts, just like Rachelle from a couple of shows ago (like hell you were pregnant…with what? A buffet from a Catholic wedding?).
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