Previously on Big Brother, Elissa saved herself, Helen fought for herself, but no matter what Aaryn still couldn’t afford lady ball implants and didn’t nominate Amanda putting Spencer on the block instead. But don’t worry a shepherd will find its sheep when one of the houseguests return after Helen’s certain eviction.
But first, Julie bestows us with her presence wearing a crescent moon dress in order to promote Big Brother After Dark.
The TV Guide network. The station you were forced to watch in the 90s in order to find out what’s on in fifteen minutes on the current channel you were watching despite the fact you were about 50 channels away on TVGN and it scrolled at the rate of one channel per 30 seconds. Don’t worry, this isn’t a high school math problem. I won’t ask you if you will find out what’s on before it starts.
We jump into the house with Helen starting her campaign of “tears and promises”. Just don’t make Jeremy walk a trail because that would be racist. CBS doesn’t condone that shit.
Aaryn says she wanted to nominate Amanda but unfortunately she had to appease Amanda. What?!!! Elizabeth Smart would’ve nominated Amanda by now. Break free from the shackles. I want the racist bitch back. She was fun.
Helen now realizes she should’ve listened to Jessie weeks ago and evicted Amanda when she had the chance. Too bad it’s Monday morning Helen and you repeated your mistakes more times than Mark Sanchez. We’ll just say you butt fumbled that one.
So Helen tries to get Aaryn and VM on her side. She’s telling them to work with Elissa so that they have some shot against McManda. Elissa even agrees and they know that they need to get Andy’s vote to keep Helen. Cue Andy.
They are telling Andy he is the swing vote to keep Helen. Andy gets all indignant that Helen would question his loyalty. Ummm, because your loyalty is questionable? This sounds familiar. Oh right, it happened to Helen. Although I don’t care much for Andy right now, it’s karma Helen.
Helen starts threatening Andy that if she leaves, Aaryn, VM and Elissa will come after him. As you all know from the previous week, Andy is a force to be reckoned with in challenges. It only makes him madder. She continues on with a diatribe about how America is watching and that we see Aaryn, VM, Elissa and Helen as the good guys and we’re rooting for them. Helen is officially dead to me. As soon as you invoke the good guy symbol, you’re out. Andy calls her out (in his head) for this and that’s like a half plus in his favor. Although, half a plus sign is a minus sign. Hmmm…
I don’t know why they tell Andy anything because all he will do is run to Amanda. How do they not realize he’s the source of more leaks than Edward Snowden. Cue Andy running to Amanda to tell her about the conversation. At least he’s consistent.