Howdy Trasherinos!!! This week is my favorite week of all, and really, the only reason I watch this show: MAKEOVERS. Tyra moves into her Jesus-role, and tells her little peons what they need to do to themselves to not be so damn unattractive. She does this under the guise of helping them become successful “high-fashion” models, but really, I think she just likes to fuck with them. There is always one or five contestants that are on the verge of suicide when Christof spins their chairs around. I love it.
So lets get to it. Last week, the contestants defied death by repelling down the side of a building, Chlea pissed off Kelly, and Jourdan had to get married again. In the nude. Marvin won, which is great, because he needs the clothes from the Guess closet, because his dad is a janitor and he doesn’t have many things to wear. Bianca lost, and has to go home before her and Ice Cream Mike were able to consummate their relationship.
We open this week in the Tyra Suite, where Marvin and Don are settling in. I have to say, I’m SHOCKED that Marvin picked a dude to share his suite with. He chased women down with offers of using his first, last and only condom and got no takers. Offering them a free outfit probably would have increased his chances of scoring.
Elsewhere in the house that Tyra built, Chlea is trying to explain why Kelly hates her so much. It may be because Chlea told Kelly that she’s a bitch and needs to work on how she talks to people, but who am I to speculate? Something that occurs to me while she is speaking is that girl has a really awful lisp. So what she actually said was that “Kelly hathesth me becauth I told her sthee needthh thoo work on how sthee talkthh to people.” Heh.
Phil and his beard provide some social commentary on the raging hormones that are rampant throughout the house. We already know what a horndog Marvin is, and Don is on a mission to prove to the world that he likes the ladies, but what is surprising is what a panty chaser Phil is. If you remember, Phil was saved from being homeless by his girlfriend, and he is in this contest to ‘make it’ for her. I bet she is getting a real kick out of seeing him chase Jiana around this week.
The contestants are herded into a penthouse, where they are greeted by Tyra and Rob, who enter the room holding hands. Tyra reminds everyone that
a few bored paparazzi “the whole world” was speculating as to whether or not her and Rob were dating. We are treated to the entire five pictures and quotes that the ‘whole world’ dedicated to this question.
Tyra tells everyone that they have decided to come clean – which is interrupted by the screaming minions – they are not dating. But, because they are such fantastic models and no one has ever been better at modeling and acting and just being a perfect person in general, Tyra was able to make everyone think they were dating. Or, she was desperate to get a few stories on TMZ. Whatever.
Why this little non-confessional? I’m glad you asked!! The theme for this week’s photo shoot is “sexy fierce”. Glad she cleared that up for us. Basically, the producers want to exploit the sexual tension and friskiness in the house by having them pretend to make out.
Tyra and Rob outline their Three Step Plan to Create Chemistry. I’m literally on the edge of my seat.