Masterchef Minicap:Krissi’s Revenge

Hi Trashmii!

So its back to normal business now the ‘cheating bastards’ episode is over. Enough said about that.

The Masterchef symbol appears and it’s showtime! Is it me or have they made the incidental music extra dramatic this week? It’s probably me. But it’s Mystery box time, and a 16oz steak is the only ingredient. Princess Peach looks very happy, I imagine she’s about to tell us she cooks steaks every other day or something similar. But leave it to DJC to wheel out the bone achingly old fallacy that ‘man cook meat good’.

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Man! Meat! Fire! RAWR!

Usually if you go to a barbecue where the cook has this attitude, get ready to eat meat that is so raw it’s still mooing, or it’s a burnt slab of unidentifiable grey matter. Seasoned? Man no season meat. Rawr! Book your place in hospital in advance.

It’s Joes turn to shill the Walmart steaks. He gets through it with breaking down and crying for his lost soul. But then the Walmart advert takes a new twist – a truck will be delivering the other mystery box ingredients. What? Why? This is just one step away from ‘buy food from Walmart, and you’ll get laid’

The mini’s cook on. Luca is being adventurous. Jordan appears to have learned some humility, he realizes that he goes overboard and needs to rein it in a bit. Juggernaut gets some praise off Bastage, and Bri is targeted for being ‘uncomfortable’.

The best dishes are Jordan, Strip steak with celery root and parsley puree. Bastage loves it. Seems like Jordan’s restraint has paid off in spades. Next best is Luca! Go Luca go! Grilled Fillet Mignon and sirloin with potatoes and haricot verts. He gets grilled about why he’s so good now when he nearly got sent home earlier. Then its the Juggernaut – pan seared steak with pommes de Krissi. I have to admire her ability to self advertise. Unfortunately she wins.

We then see the truth that has been hidden a little recently with Juggy’s rehabilitation – everyone hates her more than each other. Natasha (who is ‘feuding’ with Luca remember?) and Jordan commiserate with Luca that he should have won and are pissed that Juggy did instead. Still, she did, so we have to live with it. But what’s happened to Jordan? He even said that he thought Luca had won – if he keeps this up I might have to start liking him.

Juggy gets the only advantage that really counts for anything – immunity. My heart sinks. The challenge is fresh food. Well, birds. A quail, a pigeon, a pheasant, a chicken, a duck and a turkey. Juggy chooses each bird for each contestant. The only person I can see that could be in trouble here is Bri, being a vegetarian.

The mini’s have to catch the birds they’ve been assigned, which is pretty funny to watch – especially Luca as he refuses to go anywhere near the Turkey.

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Turkey 1, Luca 0

Juggy is targeting Natasha and Luca. Again, without the producers interfering, the actual rivalries surface. She’s giving the turkey to him as ‘they don’t have thanksgiving in Italy’. No, but Turkey is a classic dish for Christmas Day across Europe, so she’s shot herself in the foot here. Not amazingly common in Italy, but they do things like stuff them with Porcini, chestnuts, pancetta and so on. Even if that wasn’t true, Luca has been living in the states for years! Juggy’s plan here is so bad DJC could have made them, but I think she’s right about the pheasant for Natasha and Quail for Jordan.

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Turkey 2, Luca 0

So then they get to cook. Natasha is up for killing her pheasant with her bare hands, but they won’t have to. It transpires that DJC is actually in trouble as he’s never butchered a Duck. We can only hope. Natasha is not too confidant either.

Princess Peach has a chicken, which must be a free pass. But TG thinks she’s under performing. Jordan gets slammed for not putting any flavor in his quail. Bri gets praised, as well as Natasha.

The mini’s come up, and PP doesn’t impress. Her chicken is dry, and the judges do not like it. Natasha is up next and is nervous, but the judges love it. DJC is up next with his Duck, and nails it. Luca nails it – and there’s another bit pretending that for some reason, Italians would mistake a Turkey for a Martian and would be more likely to crown it King of Italy than cook it. Which is total BS.

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Turkey 2, Luca 3. Match to Luca.

Bri is up next, and for some reason Juggy thinks that she’s cooked the pigeon whole as an ‘animal rights’ thing. I don’t really get this, I think as far as the pigeon is concerned the main quibble it would have is that it’s been killed and cooked. I don’t think it was going to think ‘phew, at least I was cooked whole.’ Juggy thinks in strange ways. Still, Bri has upped her game since coming back, and she nails it – she claims she listened to Gordy about how to cook meat. Bastage goes out of his way to say that he was wrong and Gordy was right. He’s clearly not feeling well, but it must mean Bri did really well.

Jordan comes up, and it’s car crash. A really bad one. Perhaps one that he isn’t going to walk away from this time.

Bri and Natasha win, so it’s a rematch of the ‘survivor’ team challenge. Bri is happy, but her track record is against her here. Still, we shall see.

The two worst are PP and Jordan. Bit of a shock. Juggy, quite rightly, says she was trying to make it easy for PP, and she tripped herself up. I’d be shocked if PP goes, the Teflon princess has done well so far. And she’s scraped through again today, Jordan gets the bullet.

TG offers him a place in his kitchen, something like a three month internship or something. I can never tell if these offers are genuine, if it is, that’s probably worth more than the 1st prize if Jordan really wants to be a chef. He says Natasha will win it, and I’m starting to agree with him. PP seems to have topped out whereas Natasha keeps doing well.

Next week, Hells Kitchen meets Masterchef, so lots of Gordy screaming.

To check out last week’s recap while you wait for this week, click here.

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