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Don't tell me reality tv is scripted.
  • considerthis

    Welcome Back Mads – glad you are back!
    Hey Leah – Billy Ray Cyrus called and wants his mullet back.

    So glad to see that Corky will have a bigger more powerful vehicle to mow down pedestrians in on his next bender. The red blood and yellow paint will contrast easily for the CSI team. I just assumed they named the fetus after Keyser Soze as a shout out to his wombmaster/mom/crime lord whose ruthlessness and influence have acquired a legendary, even mythical, status among police and criminals alike.

    A-dumb “holding” Payz looked like she was made of molten lava – not really showing your hands on ability. If you hold a steering wheel like you hold a baby – well ’nuff said.

    What do you think Javi was going to do with that slice of pizza once he pulled it from the clenched jaws of a 200 pound slobering Rotweiller? Here’s your pizza Eggy – all better now.

  • Charlotte

    Welcome back Mads! I’m sure I can speak for everyone when I say you were truly missed.

    Now on to the losers: Kailyn won’t be happy until she’s a divorced single mother with two baby daddies. Yes, Javi can help a little more once he’s home but it can’t always be her way only. Can we make a kickstarter to fund a professional for Leah’s hair extensions and styling choices? It’s obvious that MTV isn’t paying her enough. Jailnelle is still a loser. Let’s hope little Kaiser Roll doesn’t end up with Barbara too. Not sure if she can handle another kid. And Chelsea is just dumb. I can’t with her. I bet $100 she is still banging Adumb.

  • Aunt Dorsey

    Delighted to see you back Madelyne. You haven’t lost your recapping magic.

    I’d rather spend an eternity in hell with Eeyore and Debbie Downer than one minute with Kail. She’s the secret weapon in the mass suicide of lemmings.

    When I think of all the whisk brooms that made the ultimate sacrifice to become Leah’s new hair extensions, all I can do is sigh and think “Oh! the humanity….” Bless her heart, it’s fabulous she’s got a fulfilling career now so Jeremy can quit his job and stay home with the girls, and she can join the ratty extensions of the month club.

    I stood up and did the wave when Nathan’s attorney flat out told him he was an anal polyp.

  • churble

    I was just crib shopping yesterday and you know, it never even occurred to me to try them out and make sure I could hang out in the crib with the baby.

    @Chaos – you are definitely not the only one who finds Isaac annoying. When he was telling her not to yell and not to talk like that I was yelling at the TV “You’re not in charge!!!” because that’s the reminder my son got any time he tried to get bossy at that age.

  • Umpuleeze

    Kailyn get a breast pump and go out for an hour when Javi is home and STFU! That baby is so cute, Madelyn if you need help taking off with him call me. What in hell is Leah’s head doing? The flower on one side and then the big leaf on the other …is the stem thru the middle of her head? Janelle with a Hummer…just what she needs as she drives in the desert so you I loved the new attorney…usually being hit with a taser gun means you were resisting ha! In thinking back, Kailyn and Leah are NEVER happy..not matter what…I pity the poor men married to them. I would go work on the Alaskan pipeline if I was married to either. Great recap so glad you are back!! Goggles Rules!

  • nettaboo

    I’m glad someone else sees how ridiculously unrealistic and ungrateful Kailyn acts. Javi works hard all day, she is a stay at home mom. Isaac is at pre-school for at least half the day. She carries on and on about how wonderful breastfeeding is for little Lincoln, which it is, but it requires you to have the baby with you constantly. Exactly what was Javi supposed to do with Lincoln if the baby got hungry while she was gone?

  • A mom

    1- I cringe when I see Lincoln in the swing completely NOT strapped in! He’s gonna roll, grab a side pole, or lurch strongly forward one day. It won’t be fun for him.

    2- Kail got exactly what she wanted. She should STFU or get a job & let a daycare center give her respite from the baby.

    3- I think it’s absolutely hysterical that Chelsea was busted on social media. If she’d just quietly live her life away from the MTV cameras (& money), the licensing board would have never known about the wedding job. That she did for cash. That she’s trying to lie about now. Lol.

    4- these idiot parents don’t show anything resembling the reality of teen moms. Chelsea’s house purchase?! The gigantic hummer Jail drives? Leah’s Medusa extensions … Errrr, HAIR extensions? They certainly are NOT showing the single biggest problem faced by teen moms : $$$$$$. I wish every penny had gone into trust for the kids. The fame-whore moms would have still volunteer on TV & the reality would be more ummm….realistic.

    5- I only watch this show for the recaps!

  • Heather Keet

    So I’ve got muscular dystrophy, not the same form that little Googles has, and I knew all about it as a young child. Once they are hooking electrodes up to your body to shock and see what is working, well you are kind of owed an explanation. My parents were brutally honest and I appreciated it, because let me tell you something; if those little fuckers had lied and said the surgeries and shocking wouldn’t hurt, I would’ve had to shank someone. It hurt bad, but I knew my happy ass was getting ice cream at the end.

    Nice recap, wonder if we should all pitch in and get Hairy (as I call Leah) some nice extensions. Watching her scratch all episode ruins my appetite.

    ~heather~ click my name above to enjoy some hilarious reading!

  • msjacqmills

    Yay Madelyne…glad to see you’re back! Awesome recap!

  • notwithoutmyTV

    “…these fked up gals and their questionable uteri. (Is that plural for uterus?)

    If it isn’t, It ought to be.

  • Chicken Lips

    Glad to see you back, Madelyne! I was hoping this shitshow was going to be ‘capped and my dreams came true!

    While I’m not disputing that Chelsea is possibly the best mother on the show, I can’t STAND that she said the situation with the hair police was “sooo annoying”. I hate when people think the rules don’t apply to them. I think it is pretty standard practice that if you need a license to do something, and you don’t have a license, you shouldn’t be surprised when you get busted for doing it. I hope Adam throws this in her face for all the times she screeched about him driving without a license. (I realize that driving without a license is much more dangerous than applying lip gloss for money, but rules is rules kids)

    I don’t get why everyone is appalled that my girl Goggz knows that she had muscular dystrophy? Isn’t that what she has? While I can only imagine what it is like having a child with something like that, I don’t think I would try to keep it from them. That way she knows that she can do anything, but some things might need to be modified.

  • begonia skies

    Great recap! Just had abdominal surgery a few days ago and reading this maybe wasn’t the best idea. Need to pop another pill now. When you’re on your recapping game no one comes close to you Madelyn. Glad you’re back.

  • Jen

    To borrow from the soon to be incarcerated (hopefully) Ms. Guidice – love, love, love you!

    I think we could be twins separated at birth as you hate all the people I hate, love all the right people, and think all of the nasty, snarky things that go on in my head.

    You, Miss Madelyne, are my fantasy People’s Couch companion.

  • Madelyne27

    @chaos – perhaps they could put Egghead in the Insta-Bunker during grown-up times. And yes, I find him annoying. He’s an ass kisser. But he tries. Clearly he’s fked up.

  • Chaosbutterfly

    First off, welcome back Madelyne!
    Glad to see you back in the saddle, and I hope things have smoothed out a little bit for you.

    But about deez girls.
    Am I the only one who finds Isaac annoying? I can’t stand when a kid comes where grown people are talking and tries to insert themselves into the situation. Obviously they are having a conversation that you don’t need to be a part of. Make yourself scarce.
    And I blame Kail, because when she knows she and Javi are about to fuss with each other, she needs to put Isaac out. Send him to his room, to the backyard, tell him to to bang pots and pans in the kitchen, something. Don’t just let him be there and be involved in the fight.
    I still like her, but I feel like she is such an inappropriate parent.

    I also didn’t get why Leah and Jeremy felt the need to climb in that baby’s crib. That is one strong ass crib tho. In the event of a nuclear bomb, you just need to flip that crib over and climb underneath. Insta-bunker.
    I’m still waiting for an opportunity to steal Ali. I know it will be soon. Just need to keep being patient.

    I see the curse of Jail’s vagina has struck again. Yet another lover doomed to the slammer while she gets away scot-free.
    I have to say though that I love Jail’s new lawyer.
    I’m going to miss Dustin, but I love a bitch who isn’t scared to tell other bitches all about themselves. He thought she was gonna go along with his little I was not resisting arrest spiel. Nope. The look on his face when she said no thank you to his bullshit. Priceless.
    I can’t imagine him in jail with his special needs self.

    Aubree is a national treasure lol.

  • Dawn Nichols

    Two parts that I loved about the editting of this episode:
    – How the camera switched to Javi mentally rolling his eyes/shaking his head as Jo said he could put K in his trunk. I had to take a breather after that one.
    – They cut directly from a peaceful family situation to Janelle’s screaming household full of discussions about going to jail just to highlight the contrast.