Hello Trash Talkers! Hope your hair is surviving Summer weather along with the many bugs that are overtaking our world as we know it. About the bugs, can you guess which stylist reminds me of a mosquito? Hint: ugly, annoying and useless to we humans.
That’s right. That would be Malaka, China’s ratchet sister. Her lazy ass was still hanging out at the salon and getting paid for it last week. This is the norm for Kim’s employees so it seemed like no big deal. Or is it?
Let’s try to remember last week’s episode and the name of this show first.
Kim can’t remember the show’s name so why should we?
Fresh off glamour of the “Titanic” shoot, Kim called Leah and screamed into her ear that one of the musical groups managed by Nick Cannon needed stylists for their video shoot. Kim bragged to Leah that Lisa and China would be doing it. Leah did not think China being involved was a good one. She did, however, decide to keep China on the payroll so she had no pass to bitch about it. Of course Leah would not agree! In her glazed eyes she is always right.
Yes, Leah. China is STILL your employee.
The good news was announced and China wasn’t so surprised. She was the laziest and skankiest so of course Kim would pick her. Lisa was actually gracious and planned to be as prepared as possible so she could kick ass along with her new “friend” China. “China” and “friend” should not be used in the same sentence. Why would I not be surprised if she had a very friendless Facebook page?
China at her best behavior.
They went to the shoot. China felt like styling one lonely head the entire day would be more than enough. The various scrawny coke heads, also known as actors, in the video did not. Lisa saw the writing on the wall that said “Wake up your career is going down the tubes thanks to this lazy bitch!” She called Kim. Kim was styling actual celebrity hair as opposed to the usual “guest appearance from ’90’s show only” client and would not get the phone.
Lisa called Angela to save the situation. Thanks to those two the job was completed, China had an anxiety attack and then pretended to quit.
Now to the latest episode!
China is still at the salon. Big surprise. She tells Terry today is a new day, hinting she may act like a NEW China. Here’s to hoping the new one isn’t worse than the old one.
Anything is an improvement over this, right?
Kim is taking conceit to a whole new level. Yep, Kim is super excited because she is ANTTBM (America’s Next Tabletop Book Model). She is bragging to anyone unfortunate enough to be found by Her Hairness that she is modeling for a tabletop book. Or something like that. It does involve photos of her. That must be the modeling gig, what else would she be posing for? Terry is the unfortunate soul who takes one for the team. Not only does he listen but he acts interested. The more she talks, the sleepier I get. Kim decides to get her possibly talented yet worn down mother style her. Hasn’t this woman suffered enough? She at least had Leah before, but now that she’s boarded the Crazyville train Jas has only her talent. She’s supposed to waste it on her dopish daughter? I’m hoping she shreds the few pieces of real hair that exist on Kim’s head. Then the weave. Instead she back combs and curls and voilà! Kim became a darker version of the women on Jerseylicious from neck up. Ridiculous as it looks it is still an improvement from the usual. Kim whines to Terry as he prays for sudden deafness. She finally leaves for the shoot.
Back at the salon it’s business as usual. Stylists lay around while hired pretend customers are waiting in the salon. The lucky customers who chose Terry and Anthony are actually being styled.
Naja is working on a special project of her own. She is trying to set the Guinness World’s record for the most manicures completed in 8 hours and has to do 50. A very big deal and should bring in lots of moolah for Naja and publicity for this hopeless salon. What kind of publicity remains unseen. Leah expresses some concerns that Naja planned this without her permission beforehand earlier in the week, then says how fabulous it will be for the salon. Now Naja is off her hit list and on her way to stardom.
Leah is off for the day and a very interesting looking man, who could be Buckwheat’s great grandson, has come to see China. This part is so clearly scripted but so amusing. The first tip off is that China is being extremely nice. Malaka comes over and asks Buckwheat’s ancestor where he is from. She is snickering in his face because she decides his ashy skin, gapped teeth and stank hair make him less attractive and fashionable than herself. Wrong!
She tells him he must be doing mollies because he’s Sacramento. Code: She needs a new dealer! He pretends to be angry about the drug accusation and they pretend to argue. Just looking at this customer is hilarious. I wonder what his last acting gig was.
I ain’t no secretary BITCH!
He calls Malaka a secretary which REALLY pisses her off. She surprises me by actually knowing her job title. He tells her to go follow him on Twitter, which is a line I’m loving. Malaka throws his credit card in the trash when he tries to pay and is such a dumb cow she doesn’t run it through first. Lights out Malaka. He is going to write about you on Yelp.
Plus you just cheated your sister out of some money.
The next A-lister at Kim Kimble Salon
Kim makes her annual appearance in her salon on what seems to be a new day. Jas plays receptionist again while Malaka is in the back, still congratulating herself for remembering she is a RECEPTIONIST. Kim, empowered by her supposed modeling gig where I must say she looked pretty fabulous, struts over and takes control over the situation. She realizes she is starting to look stupid on television so she decides to fire someone. In a brilliant move, she fires Malaka! The reason being Buck called and complained. He, along with a zillion others, does not want to come back because of her. Malaka looks a little put off but walks right on out the door. Will Buck be taking her place?
I loved the “Go follow me on Twitter!” line. Epic.
Yes Leah. You’re officially the biggest dumb ass on the show.
I knew I wouldn’t get so lucky. The next day in walks a very cheery, confident woman wearing the ever popular donut ‘do. Her name is Dia and she worked for Kim decades ago. Gosh Kim. You really ARE as old as you look. It’s our new receptionist. The scraggly staff giggles snootily and smirks because they don’t know any better. Naja has the Guinness World’s Records people there and puts her usual behavior aside. She wants to get her 50 manicures done! Naja is becoming quite the ambitious woman.
Leah is extremely pissed that Malaka is gone. She has completely evolved into Kim, and does not understand the reasoning. Is she freaking CRAZY? The answer of course, is yes. Malaka never moved, directly defied management (that’s you Leah) by refusing to take out the garbage and is a general no talent bitch. Leah is already ranting about the new receptionist, who has moved more in five minutes than Malaka did the entire time she was employed courtesy of Leah. You know things are bad when Naja becomes a little appealing.
Speaking of Naja, after she made the record of 50 manicures, she kept going and hit 69. Leah goes on and on about staying and showing support for Naja when Lisa packs up to go. Lisa tells her that no one shows support for her, so why should she? Exactly.
Next week… someone tries to escape the salon! Who might it be? Is this show seeming a little repetitive? That might because the story lines ARE!
Missed last week’s episode? You can catch up by clicking here.
Like what you read? Floshizzle also covers “Dance Moms” and “Untying the Knot”
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