If a picture is worth a thousand words, then this recap is like 140,000 words long… but without all the words.
But thankfully we’re back in the studio and Abby only has to pimp out Dance Dance Revolution one time. She berates the girls that didn’t come out to LA to visit her and starts in with the pyramid.
- Brooke, because she was working on her album with Melissa Gorga
- Paige, because she’s related to Brooke
- Kendell, because, well, why not.
- Nia, same reason as Kendell.
- Madi… I swear every time I see her ugly little smug face I was to smash her into a pillow and make her gums bleed from her braces.
This week Mackenzie has a solo, but won’t be performing with the group. Madi has a tap solo and Chloe has a hip-hop solo. Yippee… Madi is an expert at tap and Chloe is a gawky, white kid with no hip-hop training. Let’s say it together… “SHE’S BEING SET UP TO FAIL.”
The group dance is called Gone Too Soon. It’s about stars that were “gone to soon”. I’ll be hitting on the irony here VERY soon. Madi will be Princess Die (do not correct me), Chloe is Marilynn Monroe, Paige is Anna Nicole Smith, Kendell is Selena (not Gomez), Brooke will be Amy Winehouse, and Nia will be Trayvon Martin… or Whitney Houston. Abby will be James Gandolfini.
Okay, so a lot of things happened in the mom’s booth. Mostly we find out that they had all agreed they wouldn’t go to LA over the break, but Melissa went behind their backs and did it anyway and everyone is pissed. Christi says that’s just the way Melissa rolls because she doesn’t follow the rules of society. She goes on to point out that she slept with her married boss while she was married. Melissa counters that she didn’t sleep with her boss, but that she did marry him. She glosses over the fact that they were both married when they met, and storms out. I’m assuming she is heading to her attorney’s office to have some papers drawn up.
Madi tap, tap, taps her way into Abby’s heart while Chloe has to work with Peyton on her hip-hip routine. It is the opposite of hip-hop. Mackenzie made the fatal mistake of playing at recess and can barely walk on her hands for 20 minutes and do 14 flips. Melissa tells Abby that the moms are ganging up on her and Abby says that she can watch the rehearsals from the comfort of her butt.
The ladies go out for expensive drinks and Jill forgets to invite Melissa. But it’s all in good fun.
Anyway, we get to the competition and I’m sure cooler heads will prevail and the Gone Too Soon dance will probably be as appropriate as Chloe’s hip-hop number. What can go wrong?
Abby oohs and ahhs over Madi’s tap costume and pays no attention to anyone else. The moms are all keeping fairly quiet, but the tension is as thick as Abby’s cankles after a night of BBQ binging.
Mackenzie’s costume is fking ridiculous. Abby says she can’t play the cute card any more, but then dresses her up like Kazoo from the Flintstones. Her dance is the same as always. She’s good, it gets boring. She needs someone to whore her up like Asia, but seeing as her mom doesn’t know she exists, I’ll assume she doesn’t have a shot.
Madi’s tap dance is amazing. It’s cute. Her expressions are spot on. And when she has a wardrobe malfunction (apron slip), she dances on like a pro. We are reminded of the falling headband circa 2010 and all sadly remember Chloe dancing in the dark and getting reamed for it. But here’s my take on tap. I’m sure it’s really hard… but give me a box of wine and some tap shoes, and I’m fairly certain I can entertain a crowd too.
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