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Dance Moms Recap: Gone Too Soon, But Never Soon Enough | TrashTalkTV

Dance Moms Recap: Gone Too Soon, But Never Soon Enough or Dead Girls Can Dance

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then this recap is like 140,000 words long… but without all the words.

But thankfully we’re back in the studio and Abby only has to pimp out Dance Dance Revolution one time. She berates the girls that didn’t come out to LA to visit her and starts in with the pyramid.

Bottom

  • Brooke, because she was working on her album with Melissa Gorga
  • Paige, because she’s related to Brooke
  • Kendell, because, well, why not.
  • Nia, same reason as Kendell.

Middle

  • Mackenzie
  • Chloe
  • Asia

Top

  • Madi… I swear every time I see her ugly little smug face I was to smash her into a pillow and make her gums bleed from her braces.
Isn't it nice to see the gang back together?

Isn’t it nice to see the gang back together?

Sorry, sweetie... I'm sure the music thing will work out for you.

Sorry, sweetie… I’m sure the music thing will work out for you.

I was taking privates, why am I down here?

I was taking privates, why am I down here?

Sometimes I feel that Abby hates my kids because of her disgust for me.

Sometimes I feel that Abby hates my kids because of her disgust for me.

I'm glad we figured that out.

I’m glad we figured that out.

Kendell. Speak.

Kendell. Speak.

I just want everyone to get along.

I just want everyone to get along.

I don't give two shts if we get along.

I don’t give two shts if we get along.

That's my girl.

That’s my girl.

At least I'm in the second row.

At least I’m in the second row.

They tell me Mackenzie is my daughter, but I have no proof.

They tell me Mackenzie is my daughter, but I have no proof.

I've learned not to get too excited.

I’ve learned not to get too excited.

I've learned not to get too excited, too.

I’ve learned not to get too excited, too.

Well, except this one time.

Well, except this one time.

I'm #1 again. I think I am supposed to smile.

I’m #1 again. I think I am supposed to smile.

I wore purple so I could be like my only child.

I wore purple so I could be like my only child.

Does she know she has two kids?

Does she know she has two kids?

Mom? Remember me?

Mom? Remember me?

I wish we had been twins so I could have eaten her in the womb.

I wish we had been twins so I could have eaten her in the womb.

This week Mackenzie has a solo, but won’t be performing with the group. Madi has a tap solo and Chloe has a hip-hop solo. Yippee… Madi is an expert at tap and Chloe is a gawky, white kid with no hip-hop training. Let’s say it together… “SHE’S BEING SET UP TO FAIL.”

The group dance is called Gone Too Soon. It’s about stars that were “gone to soon”. I’ll be hitting on the irony here VERY soon. Madi will be Princess Die (do not correct me), Chloe is Marilynn Monroe, Paige is Anna Nicole Smith, Kendell is Selena (not Gomez),  Brooke will be Amy Winehouse, and Nia will be Trayvon Martin… or Whitney Houston. Abby will be James Gandolfini.

Nia, this is what Whitney looked like before she died.

Nia, this is what Whitney looked like before she died. Don’t be so excited.

This is what her bathroom looked like.

This is what her bathroom looked like.

And, no lie, there was a gravy boat floating in the bathtub with her.

And, no lie, there was a gravy boat floating in the bathtub with her.

Brooke, yeah... so I can see it.

Brooke, yeah… so I can see it.

I like to think this will be Madi...

I like to think this will be Madi…

Unless Prince Charles was Princess Die's married boss at some point.

Unless Prince Charles was Princess Die’s married boss at some point.

Paige, meet Anna Nicole Smith.

Paige, meet Anna Nicole Smith.

Chloe, don't let this be you.

Chloe, don’t let this be you.

But Marilynn was as insane (and high) as Amanda Bynes.

But Marilynn was as insane (and high) as Amanda Bynes.

Kendell, this is your Serena. She's very forgettable.

Kendell, this is your Serena. She’s very forgettable.

That's why I wish you had been Michael.

That’s why I wish you had been Michael.

Worst. Gravestone. Ever.

Worst. Gravestone. Ever.

Mackenzie, this could have been you. You were robbed.

Mackenzie, this could have been you. You were robbed.

Okay, so a lot of things happened in the mom’s booth. Mostly we find out that they had all agreed they wouldn’t go to LA over the break, but Melissa went behind their backs and did it anyway and everyone is pissed. Christi says that’s just the way Melissa rolls because she doesn’t follow the rules of society. She goes on to point out that she slept with her married boss while she was married. Melissa counters that she didn’t sleep with her boss, but that she did marry him. She glosses over the fact that they were both married when they met, and storms out. I’m assuming she is heading to her attorney’s office to have some papers drawn up.

Madi tap, tap, taps her way into Abby’s heart while Chloe has to work with Peyton on her hip-hip routine. It is the opposite of hip-hop. Mackenzie made the fatal mistake of playing at recess and can barely walk on her hands for 20 minutes and do 14 flips. Melissa tells Abby that the moms are ganging up on her and Abby says that she can watch the rehearsals from the comfort of her butt.

The ladies go out for expensive drinks and Jill forgets to invite Melissa. But it’s all in good fun.

Just admit you slept with your married boss.

Just admit you slept with your married boss.

She doesn't get it, he's MY husband.

She doesn’t get it, he’s MY husband.

But he wasn't YOUR husband at the time.

But he wasn’t YOUR husband at the time.

So do you understand why we hate you?

So do you understand why we hate you?

Melissa, come down here. I have an ass that needs kissing.

Melissa, come down here. I have an ass that needs kissing.

I've done a lot worse for my daughter. I mean daughters.

I’ve done a lot worse for my daughter. I mean daughters.

That's it. Oh baby, Melissa. You do know how to kiss some ass.

That’s it. Oh baby, Melissa. You do know how to kiss some ass.

I just want to cut myself like Madi does.

I just want to cut myself like Madi does.

Anyway, we get to the competition and I’m sure cooler heads will prevail and the Gone Too Soon dance will probably be as appropriate as Chloe’s hip-hop number. What can go wrong?

Abby oohs and ahhs over Madi’s tap costume and pays no attention to anyone else. The moms are all keeping fairly quiet, but the tension is as thick as Abby’s cankles after a night of BBQ binging.

Mackenzie’s costume is fking ridiculous. Abby says she can’t play the cute card any more, but then dresses her up like Kazoo from the Flintstones. Her dance is the same as always. She’s good, it gets boring. She needs someone to whore her up like Asia, but seeing as her mom doesn’t know she exists, I’ll assume she doesn’t have a shot.

Madi’s tap dance is amazing. It’s cute. Her expressions are spot on. And when she has a wardrobe malfunction (apron slip), she dances on like a pro. We are reminded of the falling headband circa 2010 and all sadly remember Chloe dancing in the dark and getting reamed for it. But here’s my take on tap. I’m sure it’s really hard… but give me a box of wine and some tap shoes, and I’m fairly certain I can entertain a crowd too.

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92 comments on “Dance Moms Recap: Gone Too Soon, But Never Soon Enough or Dead Girls Can Dance

  1. NewGirl812 says:

    I’m a long time gasmi/trashie reader, but have never commented before now. I just had to tell you, these captions are the funniest thing I have read on this site!
    Maddie absolutely would have eaten poor Mac in the womb with her jenky teeth. I died laughing when I read that.
    Nice job Madelyne27! Keep ‘em coming!

    • ellemenop says:

      i was also rather fond of the captions. in fact, reliving the horrible episodes is nowhere nearly as good as rewriting them caption-style, and it helps me pay attention since kelly stole my adderall.

    • Madelyne27 says:

      Thanks NewGirl812, I’m as desperate for compliments as Chloe… I try not to get too excited, but I can’t help it.

  2. Frizzypop Frizzypop says:

    Love, love, love the captions!! You should do one whole recap with just pics and captions, that would be great, you are so good at it!

    Great recap on a meh episode.

  3. Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

    Too bad that Madi came in second to someone other than Chloe or another AbbyGirl – Abby couldn’t go running to the judges with an “error” on the other girl’s score sheet.

    And I remember hearing that the woman the movie Sybil was based on was lying or something, but not to fear – just release it and call it Melissa because what. The. F*CK! She went from ass kisser to friggin’ crazy in about 10.3 seconds after they got back to the room. She took Madi’s loss worse than Madi.

    Not to fear Madi – you are still in first place…first place loser that is!

  4. Chaosbutterfly says:

    Melissa always goes batshit when people call her out.
    That’s how you know your accusations are true. If they aren’t, she just sits quietly. If they are, she freaks the fuck out. And if she drops a few curse words while fleeing your presence….well then you know you realllyyyy hit a tender spot, well done you.
    I love that she’s passing that on to her kids too. When someone calls you out on your negative characteristics, you run away and/or cry. Don’t face them and don’t own up to your shit.
    That’s exactly how everyone should be all the time. Melissa for parent of the year, everyone.

    I typically don’t advocate for the smashing of children’s faces, but if any child is in need of it, Maddie is that child. She is so damn fake and calculating, just like her momma.
    Someone needs to get Sophia back up in this bitch. Or any one of the girls who dance with Sophia on youtube would do.

    And I know they are working on it and its actually gotten better and I’ll probably be in hell chilling beside Anna Nicole Smith for this, but DAMN Mack’s teeth make me want to cry. The whole time she was dancing, all I could think was “Those teef tho”.
    Jesus be a highly skilled orthodontist and a powerful set of headgear for that child.
    She has enough on her plate without having to deal with dem teefses on top of it.

  5. PushyStageMother says:

    We in the antipodes are being set up to fail. We haven’t seen any of these episodes yet, I’ll be bottom row on the pyramid forever.
    Maybe Melissa’s next husband will be an orthodontist.
    Great recap. I can’t wait to see this episode.

  6. aprildonut says:

    PAIGE SPEAKS! My jaw dropped when Paige said not only one but TWO lines! and OMG Kendall!!! Nia!!! Hi babies!!!!! *WAves* I almost forgot about you two but hey look! you exist for 10 seconds! woohoo

    • Madelyne27 says:

      i KNOW… loved hearing paige, kendell and nia speak up for themselves… they should do a trio called “Fk Helen Keller, We Can Speak”

    • Moli says:

      I know right!!!! Kendall has grown on me(she so pretty), but the only reason I didn’t ‘like’ her was because she wasn’t an original girl. Paige has always been a gorgeous little girl to me. Nia has always had my heart and stole it completely when she learned the death drop…her determination sealed it.

  7. Moli says:

    That hip hop routine was a horrible. I love Chloe but dammit…Jabby set her up to fail. I laughed and laughed as I saw the tears well up in Maddie’s eyes when they announced she was in second place. Good gravy Paige is towering over Brooke!!! Nia was a so cute as Whitney and the extra classes are showing.

  8. Samantha says:

    Melissa went insane this episode!!!! Someone called you out on something you did so your mind immediately goes to, they want to see my daughter(s?) and I die from a car crash! WTF Melissa??????

  9. Gracie Lou Freebush says:

    …..”tension is as thick as Abby’s cankles after a night of bbq bingeing…” Bwah hah hah!!! I have tears in my eyes. Thank you for that.
    I had to tragically cancel my directv for financial reasons so I can’t watch this stupid show any more…but who needs to with these recaps? So much more entertaining than the show itself!!

    • Lagitha says:

      Free streaming on the Lifetime website the following day–I don’t have cable, and you’d be surprised how much reality crap is streamed on the station’s websites.

      • the wrong Spock says:

        seriously, is it free???? I’ve logged on to Lifetime and all I can get is a purchase option … even for last season. what the crap? I am a poor special ed teacher and need free dance moms and toddlers & tiaras. you know, since they will be on my caseload for emotional issues.

        • Chaosbutterfly says:

          On lifetime for Dance Moms: http://www.mylifetime.com/watch-full-episodes-online

          No need to pay anything.
          Or if you google around, you can find some streaming sites. I’m not sure if it’s okay to post them here, but there are some really good ones out there.

          As long as you have internet, you have cable LOL.

          • ellemenop says:

            Spock, I say write them off as business expenses. ;)

          • brebay says:

            Lifetime streaming depends on where you live. In some areas, including mine, you have to select, on the lifetime Dance Moms website, a cable provider from only two options, neither of which I have, since I don’t have cable. Though I do have internet. Yeah, it’s 2013, you can get internet without cable! Depends on where you live, lucky you get it!

          • Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

            What happens if you pick one of the them? On the Fox website, I was trying to watch a recent program and they have some BS about “the recent ones are only available to certain cable providers” and of course mine wasn’t one of them. So I picked a different one.

            Now that I think about it though, I had to use my parents’ log in information for their account to verify. So maybe that won’t work unless you know someone that will let you use their info. Or maybe you won’t have to sign in. Do you have your internet through a cable company?

          • the wrong Spock says:

            Y’all are gifted and talented!!

            Unfortunately, where I live, local broadcast TV is available 8 days later but no access to cable channels. Even though I have internet, I can’t bypass anything because I don’t have a tv subscription.

            I’m gonna have to look into expensing it because otherwise I might need to sell a kidney. Which would be a problem, because Ms. Spock.needs/likes her wine!

        • Dipwad says:

          try project free tv……I get all my stuff there!

  10. Justelle says:

    This episode was super creepy. “I only watched Madi on stage.” “This is Madi’s time to shine. Why can’t the moms understand that?” If Abby truly loves Madi and wants her to be a star she is doing her no favors. Madi looks like a brat. Her mom looks like a tramp. Abby looks deranged.

    Chloes dance reminded me of slumber party goofing around bad dancing little girls do. It did not look good. I am not sure there can be justification for even assigning that number.

    I usually like Abby even though she is mean and sometimes feel there is a method to the madness, she must have really f*cked off one of the editors because her Kate Gosselin is showing.

    • BananaMuffin says:

      Abby has definitely started going off the rails, I don’t remember her being this scary in earlier seasons. The girls really should be dancing at higher level competitions, but I doubt they’d be allowed to film (that would certainly knock Maddie down a peg). I think a lot of Abby’s resentment comes from Chloe being the fan favourite instead of her precious Maddie.

      • Chaosbutterfly says:

        Kaya wrote on her facebook page that even most lower level competitions don’t want Abby around because she makes too much of a ruckus. I think at this point, she only has working relationships with Starpower and In10sity.
        Supposedly, most of their competitions now are invitationals that Lifetime puts on, and you know Abby isn’t gonna invite anyone better than her precious Maddie to be there.

        • Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

          I was wondering what was going on, because I have a hard time believing that Maddie and her Kevin Federlines were the best out there every single time. I was thinking someone mentioned that these were real “real” competitions. Thanks for sharing.

  11. ANTM Fan says:

    Moli, I was also really struck by how much taller Paige is than Brooke now. What are they, three years apart?

    Maddie’s teary face on stage when she heard she got second made me SO annoyed. Learn to lose graciously, kiddo. The sun doesn’t shine out of your ass.

  12. Jen Noble says:

    I love that like Ohio, New York also means COWS. I live in Syracuse so I about fell off the couch when she said “Syracuse” (the girls looked like “What? Is that near Broadway?”). How did I not know she was here? How did I not feel the ground shake she walked (since I work 5 blocks from where the girls danced)? Though I do remember going to a hockey game and hearing someone say “There’s a lot of dancers next door” Anyway, no one in the city limits of Syracuse has a cow except maybe on the grill. I did crack up though since clearly everything outside of NYC is farmland. I hear Albany is full of a lot of bullshit so they must be LOADED with cows.

    Anyway, I wasn’t shocked at Melissa’s reaction honestly. That kind of reaction is why Maddie is going to need a lot of therapy when she’s older. All that girl sees is how great she is and how wonderful she is and when she’s not wonderful, her mom turns into the Incredible Hulk (Melissa SMASH). Maddie needs someone to be straight with her and try to get her a level head before her mean girl behavior that has already begun gets too out of hand.

  13. brebay says:

    I see nothing positive in Maddie’s future. There are countless girls who dance as well, and many who dance better. Pulling her out of school was a stupid move, give her nothing to fall back on, what could possibly go wrong? Add to that a crazy mother, absent dad, and obvious emotional issues, not to mention, puberty is going to his her like a Mack truck…and her ass will start to look like one. We joke about eating disorders and cutting because it’s just so TOTALLY OBVIOUS that she is going in that direction. A perfectionist kid needs to be kept in check by a parent, not encouraged to be crazy. I hate it when people think “perfectionist” is a compliment…uh, no, we’re not saying you’re perfect, just that you lose your shit everytime you’re not. It’s an insult, and Melissa doesn’t get this. There was a mother/daughter episode of intervention where the kid was a violin player and mom encouraged perfection….they both had eating disorders and the kid was a speedballer to boot…get ready for the reboot! Mackenzie, as soon as you turn 18, RUN!!!!

  14. aprildonut says:

    @gracieloufreebush

    I’m not even going to attempt this reply feature shit. I watch all the episodes online for free. its at http://www.mopvideo.com
    Tons of tv shows all for free! Putlocker and Sockshare are the best uploaders.

  15. aprildonut says:

    I think its funny how Christie (and her no longer best friend Kelly) constantly complains that Chloe is being set up to fail and points to instances where Chloe is given solo’s to do that are not her strength, when Maddie always gets dances that she is good at. But in reality, this is actually setting MADDIE up to fail. Abby always screams about how in auditions they wont water down the choreography etc for you and that her kids need to learn to be tough when she has them so that when they go into the real world, they can handle it. She’s getting chloe used to getting little to no practice time(every week), teaching her to take the initiative to work on her dances on her own time (season 1), teaching her to improvise instead of blank out onstage if she forgets, having her perform ALL kinds and types and styles of dance in competitions, even if she hasnt done it much before. All of that will help Chloe survive and negotiate the tough dance world. Add in her already sweet nature and buckets of talent and she can do anything. Although i do have a niggling fear that she may buckle under Abby’s years of relentless abuse.

    Maddie on the other hand will do all of what other Trashmii’s have predicted and more, all because Abby didnt teach her how to use a loss as a reason and motivation to train harder. Abby is teaching her that when she loses, its not her fault. That if she digs hard enough, she can find a way to fix things so that she does always win. Abby will have to always keep Maddie around and will always have to be her manager, because if Maddie goes off into the real world, she won’t be coming back , except in a box.

    The other parents need to realize this and stop harping on the fact that Abby gives more time to Maddie. Just appreciate that your child is getting a well rounded (if harsh) dance education and Maddie is the one truly being set up to fail.

    In ten years Chloe will be the one with a dancing career and Maddie? Well in ten years, the world outside of Melissa, Maddie and Abby will be saying ‘Maddie who?’

    • Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

      I get what you are saying about setting Chloe up to succeed in the real world one day. However, if she never learned/practiced/achieved the dance style (genre? Dewey decimal location? or whatever it is called) during dance class when she’s a kid, she’s going to be a disaster with everything she tries to do because she won’t have a shot in any audition because she can’t do the style at all.

      She’ll learn eventually, but I would be big pissy like Christi too if I was paying a dance teacher to teach my kid to dance. What Abby is doing is like teaching Chloe all about Calculus before entering her into a poetry contest.

      And I can’t wait until the real world smacks that little shit eating/my shit don’t stink grin permanently off Maddie’s face. If she acts like that when she gets second place, is she going to climb the bell tower with a sniper rifle if she get third or below?

  16. realitytvjunkie says:

    So, I clearly remember Abby saying something like “and next time Chloe if you want to do tap and Maddi does hip hop we can do that.” I would love to see that actually happen. But it probably won’t. Is there foot staring and longing in hip hop? I will say, Maddi looked great tapping this week. Very cute routine. Chloe looked….well, 4th was probably a gift. Mackenzie – Lord, please do something new. It’s the same jazz hands, pouty face and back flips. Give her a tap routine or something! Enough with the cutesy acro! I watched this on dvr and actually had to go back to the dance assignment to remember/figure out who the hell Kendall was supposed to be in that dance.

  17. LynnB says:

    You know I had no idea who Maddie was in the Gone Too Soon dance until I read this and I thought wtf is she waving goodbye for? These captions this week literally made me laugh out loud at my desk more than once, it’s re-cap gold. Melissa can’t take ever hearing the truth about herself and I agree…if it’s true she freaks out the most. She wanted the engagement kept quiet because he was probably still married. Maddie pretends she is happy for the other girls but she can’t cope when she loses and the week before they made that “correction” and Chloe beat her she almost had a stroke. I think Abby was over the top sweet to Maddie this week just to try to get the other women pissed…she loves that more than she loves dipping her fries in gravy at bedtime.

  18. LynnB says:

    Do you think these women all got this dressed up to watch practice and to go to competitions before the cameras came along? I wouldn’t be dressed in heels etc. to lug portable makeup tables etc. or to sit on a carpeted bench for 4 hours a day.

  19. lovetocrochet84 says:

    I think Abby has become more mean each season because she thought Madi would be the only star, but really, all the girls have a lot of fans, and I’m thinking Chloe may have more than Madi. I don’t count so I’m not sure.

  20. lovetocrochet84 says:

    *lol* What was weird is the way Melissa reacted to Chloe saying Madi was crying. To me it was to get Missy’s attention, but Melissa took such offense to it. I’d rather see her cry than be snotty like she was in the competition before, well.. prior to Abby fixing it for Maddie.

  21. lovetocrochet84 says:

    I am not sure Maddie and Mackenzie’s dad is absent by choice. I think he’s kept away a great deal. When he showed up the first season, he seemed like a very nice guy and very concerned for the girls. I don’t think he minds the girls dancing, but he does mind that they dance for abby. I can’t say I blame him. Her moral compass is missing its needle.

  22. lovetocrochet84 says:

    It’s kind of odd that for any girl but Maddie who gets 2nd place, they’re the first to lose. Maddie gets second and she gets hugged.

  23. lovetocrochet84 says:

    I thought your recap was hilarious, but I have to tell you. There are a few people on the Lifetime Dancemoms board who are acting you like said Maddie should be smacked in the face with a brick, not a pillow.

    Can’t decide which is funnier…the Abby/James Gandolfini comparison (although I have heard James was a NICE guy), or the caption under Chloe’s picture about Marilyn Monroe and Melissa being ho’s.

    • the wrong Spock says:

      for the life of me, I can’t understand why someone would suggest that people on the Lifetime site should come read Madelyne’s recap; that’s like asking a crazy emotional animal lover (such as myself) to watch it 24 /7 stream of ASPCA commercials or direct them to links with stories about puppies being dragged behind cars. I’d lose my s***… holy guacamole, know your audience!!

      • Madelyne27 says:

        I’ve never even gone over there. What fun. I’m fairly certain my target audience exists somewhere over there… they just need guidance… that or I’m arguing with an 11 year old.

        • Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

          Hmmm…I’m guessing that Maddiefanforeverandever won’t be making an appearance here? Someone should tell him/her/it that we are all too busy clubbing baby seals with dead puppies to be attacking small children with bricks. Maybe then he/she/it will be our friend.

          PS – I don’t club baby seals with dead puppies. That was a joke. Please don’t club me or hit me with a brick or anything.

          • the wrong Spock says:

            oh my gosh, Chicken Lips that made me laugh soooooooooo hard. Even though everyone knows you can’t club a baby seal with a dead puppy because they are too fluffy!!

            (Please brick bashers, understand that I am super emotional and cry easily about anything remotely sad or touching … I still can’t hold together for those old hallmark commercials. However, I would totes cut somebody for hurting an animal.)

            Madelyne… it’s funny that the Maddie fan for infinity times infinity (do not correct me) is allegedly a grown ass woman and chose that to be her username. I wonder if she’s related to Nancy from T&T page. She thinks we’re sick and horrible people, too.

            I happen to think you (and most of the Trashmiis) are fantastic and funny as all get out!

          • Madelyne27 says:

            i only support bashing dead puppies with baby seals. but seriously, i picked THIS WEEK to not take Xanax or Tylenol PM or ZzzQuil and now my brain is going to explode. They think I’m into pedophilia bc I can safely assume Brooke has given a BJ or too? How is that pedophilia? Bc Brooke is short? That heightism, and I’m anti-that.

            Kill seals with puppies. and FREE VIVI.

          • lovetocrochet84 says:

            Oh honey..trust me you don’t want that as a friend. They couldn’t break me down so they googled me and brought up all kinds of dirt about me. I have a cease and desist on one of them.

          • aprildonut says:

            hahaah Lovetocrochet pulling a ‘Melissa’ with that cease and desist are you ? lol all the crazies at the lifetime site need a little T&T punishment a la ‘a brick and a bag’

        • debra says:

          For the love of holy fuck, please tell us that you will not allow that bunch of crazies invade here.

          • Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

            Could be fun – kinda like Delusiona pageant moms from TnT.

          • lovetocrochet84 says:

            Looks like there may be one. Sorry. You guys are funny!!!!!

          • lovetocrochet84 says:

            Did you see the little Pam sermon??

            “Like I said earlier…people should be smarter than to cheer on a team just because that team opposes the team you despise That’s the definition of immaturity. And I checked…that site is despicable. And the way they are behaving on here is no more mature than those they have come to call on. “

      • lovetocrochet84 says:

        Part of the problem is that the site doesn’t have threads you can click into. That board is kind of like this one. All the comments are out there to see. I think the girl who referred us to this site meant it for Chloe fans, but everyone gets to see it so they came and read as far as the pillow comment and then milked that for all it was worth.

  24. lovetocrochet84 says:

    Well, she must be confused. Abby spends all her time telling her and Maddie how GREAT they are (because Missy has her PhD in butt kissing) then she turns around and has to learn she’s not all that and a Mountain Dew from the the other moms. I’m with the other moms.

  25. Story says:

    Melissa has some serious issues. “I’ll bet you wish me & my kids would die in a car crash!” WTF-ness of the highest order, and completely out of nowhere. And after the competition, when Abby walked into the dressing room and asked “What is going on in here??” as Melissa was doing her patented storm-out, I literally yelled at my tv “YOU CREATED A MONSTER THAT IS DESTROYING THE GROUP!!” I really wish I didn’t want to wash this show anymore. It just makes me unhappy, but I am addicted to the drama. As much as I do feel bad for what it is going to do to all the kids (including Maddie & Mackenzie), it was satisfying to see Melissa called out on something she couldn’t squirm away from. I really wonder if she isn’t bipolar or borderline or something. There is some kind of serious disorder there.

    • Madelyne27 says:

      I had to say something here, bc I was so confused by the dying in a car crash comments… but I figured it out… Madi was Princess Die, and she died in a car wreck… so I’m gonna TRY to assume she was making a little more sense… but at the end of the day, I do want them to die, I just don’t care how. Who am I do play God?

      Special Dance Moms on tonight!!!

      • brebay says:

        I’d much rather see Maddie grow up to be a miserable failure than die in her prime and become the martyr her mother wants her to be…

  26. Madelyne27 says:

    Haha. Seriously. I’m captured by he/she/it… I’ve never been to a message board like that. I didn’t know people like that really existed. I thought everyone had SOME sort of sense of humor. And i just wanted to smash her face into a pillow. We used to do that to each other as kids when we had braces. if my brother had braces and pissed me off, i’d smash a pillow in his face and make his gums bleed. it was a game. we were poor. i think my mom made it up. but these people over there are a whole new world of crazy. I feel like Jane Goodall looking in to learn their habits.

  27. Madelyne27 says:

    They keep deleting me at Dance Moms forum. I give up. I seriously wanted to chat with them and find out where they’re coming from but I can’t. Nice people just called me a pig over there. My new friends are a tough crowd… I won’t give up.

    • Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

      I tried to read the comments over there but it seems like Maddiefanforeverandever is that quaint combination of “broken record” and “suffering from diarrhea of the fingers” and it is hard to get past. I’d bet 5 bucks and my left nut that he/she/it is either Melissa, Mr. Melissa or Mr. Melissa’s attorney.

    • debra says:

      Hi! I am debra. I pop in over at Lifetime now and then, but you saw for yourself that the crazies took the place over. :) My recommendation is to keep doing exactly what you do so well here! Let them foam at the mouth. :) Those twits wouldn’t recognize satire if it slapped them in the face. Your recaps are fabulous!!!!

    • Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

      I posted this on the other one by mistake, but I wanted to let you know that I got your back, Madelyne! I’m sure I’ll be deleted or some other such nonsense from the playground over there, but I tried. Bricks all around!

      • debra says:

        I got a good laugh over there seeing you try to talk to twitbrain maddiefaninfinity :) He/she/it is a hopeless nutjob and will be spamming that place all night trying to get you to “see reason”. Too funny! :)

  28. StarryNight5555 says:

    Now someone on the Dance Moms forum is saying that you are not really the author of this blog.

  29. jrb says:

    Wow, I’ve never been over to that forum before, but those people are f-ing nuts. If you can’t have fun with this show, then why even watch it? I’m 100% convinced that everyone on that board is paid and/or a Melissa family member. Otherwise they are just delusional and should probably be institutionalized. It is super creepy for adults to be that obsessed with a child.

  30. aprildonut says:

    I know what school shooting that is referring to!!!!!!!! haha yay for me. Yes Chloe needs to get to a better teacher ASAP. BUT! I do think that she is learning valuable lessons in how to let criticisms and mean comments just roll of your back and to prove them wrong by training and becoming better. But jesus christ Christie. Close your vagina (i know it likes the money but COM ON!! You want Chloe to have a better life than you had right???!!! Well Abby’s abuse may be sugar coated (barely) but its still abuse. Get Chloe into a real studio. Hey Maybe this AMAZING studio Larkin that we heard for 30 seconds would be a good choice. Abby isnt part of any of the professional dance teacher associations any more and doesnt go to any real competitions so what are you afraid of again?

  31. aprildonut says:

    omg seriously. i am stopping this shit NOW! grrrr

  32. the wrong Spock says:

    okay ,if *Maddiefanforeverandever* is NOT Melissa, then I’m super concerned and creeped out by her level of obsession. that is all.

    • ellemenop says:

      maybe it’s Abby. or maybe it’s Mackenzie, and Melissa makes her patrol message boards defending Melissa’s “real” daughter before she’s allowed to eat, shower, sleep, etc.

  33. aprildonut says:

    (sorry guys couldnt stay away, slow day at work!) I just looked at the Lifetime msg boards and HOLY SHIT ON A CRACKER HIPOCRITICAL ASSHOLES BATMAN!!!!!!!!!

    The basic gist of it was, “Maddies great! She only comes across as less than perfect because the show is HEAVILY EDITED’ and ‘Chloe sucks, she takes dance lessons at another studio and goes to a performing arts school and takes extra ballet classes and she still cant beat Maddie’ and ‘Christie is a raging alcoholic bitch. I would never let my kids near her’

    HOLY FUCKBALLS PEOPLE!!! Okay first of all if you are going to use the excuse of HEAVY EDITING to gloss over the bad parts of your favourite girl, then you should also apply that grain of salt when looking at how the OTHER girls and parents are portrayed!!!!

    Jesus, at least here, we are a snark site, and we know we are a snark site, and we make fun of all the girls. We comment on the show AS IT IS SHOWN!!!

    Sorry Rant over I found my xanax/adderall smoothie packets so i’m all good

  34. Moli says:

    You’ve got my interest heading over

  35. aprildonut says:

    NO MOLI!!!! save yourself!!!!!

  36. aprildonut says:

    AAAAAAHHHHHHH I DID IT!!!!!! MADELYNE!!!!!!!! CHICKEN LIPS!!!!!!!!CHAOS!!!!!!!!!!

    I HAVE MASTERED THE REPLY FEATURE!!!!!!

    MUah ha ha ha ha

    • Chicken Lips Chicken Lips says:

      So close! I’m not sure why there’s an issue – I’m not tech in any way but I have to fake it for my job so here are my rudimentary questions that I usually ask of equally tech adverse people – what browser are you using, is it happening with every browser? Clear cache/cookies?

      That’s the extent of my expertise. Don’t know if it will help, but maybe.

  37. Moli says:

    Soooooo basically Melissa, Melissa’s friends and family are basing Chloe. Looks like Chloe goes to a performing arts school where she get extensive dance training AND goes to another studio for additional lessons. Chloe also has a bad attitude that is HEAVILY EDITED, so we never see it. Christie is a raging alcoholic who is also a bad mother. Melissa is a saint who scarifies sooo much for her only daughter Maddie who is the princess of dance. Possibly Sophia was too ‘scared’ to go up against the Princess of Dance.

  38. shantell says:

    NO really who was nia was surpose to be because I was really lost?

  39. aprildonut says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG madelyne hahaahaha i just spit my Tim’s all over my desk reading that! hahahaah aI love it!

  40. Pandora Spocks says:

    OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS BLOG IS HILARIOUS. I want to write it a sonnet, and cut it out in little stars; So that all the world will be in love with night, and pay no worship to the garish sun ;) TOO BRILLIANT AND FUNNY!

  41. merry says:

    Love the funny captions, but usually don’t comment, instead just weep for those poor girls who have to deal with being the center of all this stupidity.

    But the “Gone Too Soon” dance somehow just grossed me out. There’s something inappropriate about a bunch of little girls portraying “stars” (level of talent may vary) who almost all devolved into some degree of sad hot mess before suffering tragic, violent, mostly drug-related deaths. Who’s next on Jabby-the-Hutt’s list to honor through dance? Tatum O’Neal, incest accusations and all? Poor, lovely Sharon Tate? I wouldn’t put it past Jabby and her poor taste.

    (PS Madelyne: Selena was a very talented, seemingly very sweet Latina pop star stalked and murdered by the president of her fan club. It was a shame, since she was only in her twenties, I believe, and likely would have gone far. There was a movie made about her starring a very young J-Lo.)

    • I loved Selena so much. That was just so sad and incomprehensible that that deranged lady murdered her. It was so senseless, and so tragic; Selena had been so extraordinarily kind to her always. :’(

  42. Niaeem says:

    Selena is not forgettable just saying

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