Orange is The New Black Recap: Mendoza employs her dispute resolution skills

Heya Trashies!

The recent tumult in my personal life has subsided to usual levels, so now I’ll try and get back on track with OITNB and pimp out at least 2 a week.

So pressing on, Vee is well on the way to establishing her new gang, whilst Red has found a possible new angle for her smuggling antics.

Gloria, who is the top latino inmate these days as she runs the kitchen, finds that there showers are going badly wrong.


Sub-Optimal Cleaning conditions

Understandably she’s angry, but when they try and use the Black girls showers Vee stops them.


Essentially, ‘you get clean when I say you get clean’

With her gang backing her up, Vee gets her way. Sort of. The fight gets broken up by a CO and the Latin girls don’t get their showers.

Gloria is this eps ‘Flashback of the Week’. She’s working in a corner shop and hocking her Brujah skills too, by the looks of it. One guy complains the spell he bought didn’t get him a job, but she points out he failed to actually hand in his job application.


Get out or I’ll hit you with my Magic stick. Or ‘club’ as its also known.

I have no time for occult stuff, or frauds like Homeopathy, so this man gets no sympathy. But Gloria’s relative Lourdes seems to be the main Brujah, but Gloria has a side line in foodstamp fraud, and an abusive boyfriend. So the complete set.

Nicky and Boo have decided to have a ‘Bang off’. A competition where the one who gets the most points wins and they get points by sleeping with women, overseen by Chang. The number of points each women gives depends on how ‘easy’ they are seen to be – its 10 for CO Fisher, and 3 for Piper. And I thought only men did things like this, my old college dorm should have made a reciprocal deal with the ladies next door. Except we played Dungeons and Dragons so that wasn’t going to work.


3? Are you calling me slutty? Yep.

Pensatuckey appears still grinning like the cute little goblin she is, but is still an outsider. Bit like Poussey is becoming with the Black girls. Vee plots to teach the latin girls a lesson, which sounds ominous.

Meantime, Red is starting up her ‘gardening club’ using the old girls as her old gang still won’t talk to her.


Not Quite the ‘A Team’

Healey tries to get some advice on how to date his Ukrainian wife from Red. Not such a natural thing to do anymore, but I suppose she’s culturally Russian as that’s what she spoke to Red in the past. But this was before half the new NATO-used-to-be-Warsaw Pact countries in Europe starting worrying they’d see Russian Tanks appearing back in their capital cities because of the Ukraine crisis. Times move on I suppose.

Piper gets a visit from her Mom and brother. They’re surprised that she’s looking unscathed, and they drop the unwelcome news that her Grandmother is dying. Piper realizes that she may never see her again, as she has months left on her sentence. Piper is being very serious this ep, but doesn’t get to do much except set up and continue some main plot threads.

Gloria talks to Caputo about the showers, and gets the cold slap (metaphorically this time, Caputo isn’t that much of a dick) that she just isn’t as big a deal as Red used to be.

It cuts to her past again, and she’s talking to Lourde’s about how to get rid of her abusive boyfriend. He has reappeared claiming he’s changed and he’s working on his problems, and Gloria seems to be in that awful position of wanting to believe him, and giving in to that want, rather than accepting the more difficult truth that he’s violent and not to be trusted so easily – no matter that he’s good with the kids and loves her. Still, however hard she finds it, she ought to get out of this relationship. Lourdes, who has a clearer perspective not being involved with the guy, prays for Gloria.


Knows better but can’t bring herself to do it

Nicky and Boo are comparing notes on their bang off. Nicky is pursuing CO Fisher, and Boo thinks she’s dreaming, and Boo is trying to hoover up as many low point scores as she can. Classy.

Healey and his wife have yet another clash, time over scheduling a date.


Healey creates another tender and loving atmosphere.

He complains that she ought to speak English as they live in America, but I don’t think he can get on a high horse here having imported a mail order bride. After yelling he tries to make up, but he might have been better off starting out nice. I suppose though if he had any sort of social skills he’d wouldn’t have needed a mail order bride.

Piper has a brief moment with Red about her Grandmom, who is reasonably sympathetic and demonstrates her usual mix of pragmatic compassion. Its also clear Red hasn’t given up on getting her old crew back together.

Healey and Piper have the first meaningful chat since the time he abandoned her to ‘tuckey. He seems to have cooled off from his hatred of her, and she asks for furlough to go visit her grandmother. Healy is honest and says furlough is almost mythical, and he can’t help her. Piper confronts him over him leaving her to fight ‘Tuckey, but it doesn’t get her anywhere. She does manage to keep it all low key though, so doesn’t get into any extra trouble which is a win for Piper.

Meantime Nicky is still trying to seduce Fisher, for the points.


A perfect 10

It seems like she’s actually getting somewhere, or rather Fisher is being friendly and sympathetic to her. When Nicky starts to suggest a liaison though Fisher reacts aggressively and pushes her away. Looks like Boo’s slag tactics will win the Bang off after all.

Gloria, in revenge for the Black girls stealing the Latin girls boots, has salted their food. Poussey thinks their attacking them through their tendency to get hypertension, whch is giving them too much credit.


Hypertension, plus it tastes like crap

The rivalry explodes when Danae trips up Daya in revenge– who of course is pregnant but Danae doesn’t know that. Unluckily for her, the father – CO Bennett is watching. Danae’s face gets acquainted with the floor very fast. She never gets a break, last season Piper dropped her in the crap and now because Daya has a secret baby she’s getting an unfairly large slice of bad karma again.


Give up on lottery tickets Danae

What everyone sees as an over-reaction gets stared at, and Gloria and Vee stare-off.

Back in the past, Gloria’s boyfriend has hit one of her kids, in the almost inevitable conclusion to this sad tale. She’s going to bolt to Florida. Lourdes has been doing some  candle magic to get rid of him, and she’s feeding Orisha’s so is that Yoruba-descended? Anyway its one of the African-Catholic fusion religions that occurred during slavery, not sure which. Mr Abusive appears to try and talk to Gloria again. The police appear but they aren’t chasing him, they’ve come to arrest Gloria for foodstamp fraud. She was ratted out by the guy who failed to get a job using her candle magic.


Rat-bastard, the stick was too good for you

Caputo is shown bonding a little with Healey, who comes to listen to his band, Side-Boob. Healy gets a bit tanked up and they sort of bond over hating Fig and her husband. Caputo seems to really want to take care of the prisoners, making him so far the most decent CO. As he hasn’t raped anyone, left them to get beaten to a pulp, and cared about them OD’ing.

The Black girls get stoked up over the tensions with the Latin girls, and Gloria talks to Vee to settle things down.


Mendoza employs her dispute resolution skills

Vee clearly doesn’t like it, but tries to keep it down. Maybe she doesn’t feel ready to go to war yet. Vee cries, comes across as pathetic and offers a solution. The Latin girls get the bathroom if Taystee and another black girl work in the kitchen. As soon as Gloria leaves, Vee starts grinning like a sly fox.


As mean as a spitting cobra

I don’t know what Vee is up to, but it can’t be good. If that look doesn’t chill your blood, you’re a much braver person than me. I like Gloria so I’m kinda glad she’s being played a bit, and not targeted, by Vee.

Healy has summoned Piper back to chat, and he’s submitted her for furlough. Maybe Caputo’s speech about them being responsible for the women has moved him? More likely he’s decided Caputo is his new friend and his desperation for someone to like him is kicking in, but it’s a slightly healthier way to go than letting the inmates shiv each other with reckless abandon.

Piper has to get Larry’s permission to stay out on furlough with him, and they get on ok. Piper tries to rebuild a few bridges with Larry – although it was prompted by the furlough issue I think she is being genuine as she doesn’t try to spin it much.

Gloria gets a talking to from Red – who knew it was Vee who played Gloria to get her girls into the kitchen. It leads into her abusive boyfriend in the past raiding her shop for money, the stash Gloria made with her foodstamp fraud, but he sets the shop alight by knocking over one of the orisha candles. Unluckily for him, he locked himself in as well, fulfilling the spell that Lourde’s left going.


Arguably Candle Magic does work after all

Right, another ep over the weekend and hopefully we’ll get through these caps before people forget the season, from watching it all weeks ago!

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