Hello my loves—MissKitty here to recap the penultimate (can it really be?!) episode of Ladies of London. To review: we see the Caroline/Caprice gulf widening like the yawning snake-mouth of Taylor Armstrong, Juliet continuing to channel Gretchen Wieners, Marissa reaching the very limits of her patience for Juliet, Noelle sticking her foot in it, and Annabelle being spectacular as always despite her horrible accident. So let’s GO; as the cockney-sounding singer in the opening would say, you may be pre-ee…but this is my (re-caa).
Our first scene is Caroline visiting the convalescing Annabelle at a country house/farm that Miss Kitty would gladly break her pelvis, arms, legs, and collarbone to own.
Annabelle you may recall got thrown from the dastardly Mr. Fickle going 45 miles per hour! Naughty Mr. Fickle, you rotten horse!
If you ask me, I think this one was in on it too…
Caroline exits the car carrying a small present, while her massive driver carries a large flat box. Annabelle looks miserable!
Bored. In pain. Hot. SUCKS.
She perks up at the presents, and there’s a scary second where it looks like Caroline’s driver is going to lay the enormous flat one across Annabelle’s recuperating broken lap! Hahaha
Luckily they stop him at the last second and instead put it on a chair. Annabelle opens the smaller box, and it’s a whole stack of DVDs. Aw!! What a great present! She reads the titles and they include a bunch of American stupid mindless comedies, which is, as the Brits would say, “bloody brilliant!” When I’m recovering from something, I want entertainment that doesn’t make me have to think too hard. It’s why when I was recovering from my appendicitis I read Fifty Shades of Grey, the execrable trilogy that everyone else seemed to love the shit out of for some reason.
Annabelle laments that she has no TV on which to watch them, and Caroline says she thinks she can remedy that, and they open the big box to reveal a new flat screen. Totally generous and thoughtful gift. Annabelle is sincerely thankful. Next Annabelle wants to sit up in a chair so they can continue their visit, and much to Caroline’s horror, she asks Caroline to help her get up. Caroline admits she’s terrible at that kind of stuff, and Annabelle wisely says it’ll be good for her to do it. So Caroline helps her by lifting Annabelle under her armpits, which also happen to be wet. I love that Annabelle the aristocrat has sweaty pits just like the rest of us and isn’t too hoity toity to pretend otherwise. I also love that Caroline agreed despite her “I don’t do cuddles” temperament to be so up close and personal. Caroline is awesome in this scene.
Aw. You’re a being a good friend Caroline <3
You can really see the pain on Annabelle’s face too as she transitions to little arm crutches.
Ouch, girlfriend. I think we all feel you
Once settled, Annabelle can focus on the gossip about Caprice. Caroline has negated my criticism from last week about having a “poor me” pity party when her friend is sitting there with a busted pelvis. Annabelle listens to Caroline’s complaints about Caprice’s bad manners regarding her baby shower (which were appalling), but she tells Caroline to take the high road. She (I think accurately) also tells Caroline that the baby shower is just an excuse for Caprice’s jealousy over Caroline befriending the Americans so suddenly and that both she and Caprice see themselves as the HBIC. Annabelle has a newfound appreciation for not sweating the small stuff (except under her arms—Come on! I mean, I have to do SOMETHING as a sarcastic recapper), which given how serious the accident could have been and how underrated the ability to get up and walk by yourself is, is understandable. While Caroline frets, Annabelle also very kindly points out that Caroline was hurt by it, and is soft underneath. Caroline looks almost embarrassed, and Annabelle tells her that she puts up a hard exterior but that it’s okay to reveal her sensitivity sometimes. I fully agree! Stop it you two! You’re making it impossible for me as a recapper. I can’t muster up bitchy snark when I actually LIKE my victims! I find this whole scene very touching. Not only because of how sweet they are to each other, but because I admire Annabelle’s generosity and good humor. Can you imagine a Real Housewife with a similar injury being so sanguine?? Yeah RIGHT—when any of them have had VOLUNTARY plastic surgery they all act like Jesus nailed to the fucking cross.
“By doze! I’b goieeg to diiieeee!”
Phew, just in time. We move on to Caprice huffing and puffing with her (very adorable) babydaddy Ty on the couch.
WHY is a cute, seemingly normal guy like that with Caprice? WHYYYYYY?
She is dramatically saying that her surrogate is dilated (along with Commenter Holyterror44, MissKitty’s favorite pregnancy term of all time if she wants to induce vomiting). Remarkably, Caprice’s handsome man very calmly explains dilating to her, rather than making a boyfriend-sized hole in the wall escaping any cervix talk. Ty has had three kids though (hope you help support them all there, Ty) and is not fazed. Caprice is “freakeeeen ouuuuut!” which, besides stuffing her mouth hole with food, is seemingly the most common thing she does.
“My throat is freakeeeen ouuuuut!” Oh. It’s because there isn’t any food going down it, yeah?”
Caprice isn’t sure if they should go NOW, whining that she has a major shoot for her lingerie, and Ty reassures her that they need to either go now or keep their passports handy. Caprice decides to call the surrogate (yeah, you think?) to find out more details. We thankfully only hear one side of the convo and the surrogate confirms that she can go for another two weeks dilated. EW. Caprice is handling this phone call with typical level-headedness.
Even the nervous, trembling Chihuahua is like “Calm the eff down.”
Ty laughs that that was a whole bunch of drama about nothing and gets the death ray stare while she points out that this is her first kid and everything is a big deal.
Enjoy Ty! You knocked up this drama queen, so you only have yourself to blame when you have to go “to hospital” clutching Caprice’s hand and fanning her every time the kid has a runny nose.
We next convene at Caroline’s “office” so she can discuss plans with Rania, her Harvey Fierstein-sounding assistant, to do a fancy dinner party at Caroline’s house.
“We better hurry this party planning along, doll. I have 53 cigarettes to smoke and then a cabaret dinner show to give.”
Caroline dictates that she wants a specific chef and specific waiters and who the invites need to go to. Wait—I thought the Brits “don’t do last minute”. From the sound of it, the invites are really e-vites for a dinner only a few days away. Anyway, everyone (even Caprice!!) is invited. Annabelle of course won’t attend, but Caroline still sends her an invitation. It wouldn’t occur to her not to invite Caprice, that it’s unheard of to single someone out. Miss Kitty approves, and the Real Housewives could take notice of this. Quick side note though–I love how HARD these rich bitches make it sound to plan a dinner party. Hahaha. Yeah, it’s SOOO difficult when you have loads of cash and someone else calling places for you. You have to check off food, décor, (depending on the size/location of the venue, transport), and drinks. Wow. That was so difficult. It took me a whole… 14 seconds to type that. Try throwing a party when you’re dead broke in a small-ass apartment, and THEN I’ll respect you. Caroline then asks for Harvey to set up an etiquette coach prior to her dinner, which will in turn set up one of the best scenes in the episode. She says she wants a My Fair Lady moment, comparing the conduct of Juliet and Noelle in particular at Mapperton to that of “cave people.” Hahahaha. True. But also true? You rudely went out and smoked a cigarette in the middle of the dinner yourself. So maybe slow down a bit on the superiority there, Professor Higgins.
We next see another visit to Annabelle out in the country.
Oh look! There’s that tranny mannequin again! I guess it’s like a Ladies of London mascot they take turns sitting with
Woops, it’s actually Caprice and Julie. Caprice carefully hugs Annabelle. Annabelle reiterates that as bad as her accident was, she was lucky that it wasn’t worse. She says she’s not too down about it actually and that it is giving her a new appreciation of what’s important.
LOVE the positivity!
Caprice whispers that she just CAN’T go to Caroline’s dinner. Eye::roll. You DO realize you’re telling someone a) who left the hospital by herself, b) who figured out how to get up and down to the potty and bath, and c) who still has a grateful, sunny outlook that you simply cannot attend a dinner party you don’t have to drive to that will be serving delicious gourmet food? Do you know how stupid and weak sauce you sound? Get over yourself. I think secretly Annabelle agrees.
“Your sniveling is very inspiring. You’re such a survivor.”
Caprice cements her leadership in the land of tacky as she defiantly interviews that if she were mad at someone, no WAY would she invite them to a dinner party. It’s all klass all the time with this fool. Annabelle tells her this stuff is SO minor (true!). She encourages Caprice to make up with Caroline, seeing as how they’re such old friends. Caprice changes the subject to her surrogate and how she’s going to have her babies soon. Annabelle fondly tells her she’ll be a good mother. Personally, I think she’ll be a hyper-attentive helicopter permanently attached to their heads, whirring inches above them every second of every day, but okay. The injured Annabelle reaches up to tenderly wipe a tear off Caprice’s face, telling her she’s amazing and that everything will be fine. She tries one last time to sway Caprice to go to Caroline’s party. This is why I am always and forever Team Annabelle. Like most people who are difficult to get to know at first, once you’re considered a friend, she’s steadfast, loyal, and supportive.
We should all be so lucky to have a friend like this!
We now go to my favorite scene—Caroline’s etiquette class for the Polaner All Fruit twins, Juliet and Noelle. Goody goody!!! Caroline and Noelle are first to arrive and are greeted by a stout scary woman named Rosemary, Etiquette Instructor.
Gulp. Um. Hi. I mean, Hello. I mean, pleased to make your acquaintance.
While Caroline wears the smile of a cat with a bird clamped in its jaws (which she will wear throughout the entire exercise), Rosemary straight off tells Noelle how rude it was of her to just “plunk down” into her chair without a formal invite. Noelle looks PISSED already. Hahahaha. Next Noelle sits like this: