Keeping Up with the Kardashians — Move It or Lose It

Welcome back to another riveting ho-hum episode of the Kardashian family. Basically the plot of this episode is:

1) Khloe, Kourtney, and Kim go to NYC to look at new spaces for their store, wear spray painted fur, and basically accomplish nothing.
2) Khloe has a spontaneous party at her mom’s house that includes freshly fried corn dogs, inflatable slides, a mechanical bull, a DJ, and Jell-0 shots – none of which sound spontaneous to me.
3) Bruce tries to bond with his son Brody.
4) And finally we get to the much-hyped Khloe has been burgled incident. Khloe feels guilty she didn’t keep a better eye on Lamar’s “treasured” possessions – you know, the ones he couldn’t be bothered to take with him.

So, on to the details:


Khloe and Kourtney are at lunch. Kourtney has been to the dentist and is lopsided.   Khloe mentions she is packing up her house (including finally packing those frames that had been so contentious a few episodes ago) and only has a few days before she has to be out.  She will be moving in with her brother Rob until she finds a place of her own.  Kourtney mentions the lease is up in October for one of the DASH stores in NYC, so they need to go there to scout out locations. Then Kourtney spills food on her shirt.


It’s not my day

Next the three sisters are at a restaurant, Bleecker Street. Kourtney talks about Khloe’s new lifestyle — about Khloe being a Ho – a Ho for life.


Hey — I’m drinking for two now!

Bruce is trying to bond with his son Brody. Bruce drops by his house with a remote control car – almost life-size.


Big Boys with their Big Toys

Bruce says he’s been texting and calling and it’s really hard to get hold of Brody, so he decides on a “drive-by”. Brody makes excuses that the dogs have been keeping him busy. Bruce mentions that there is an upcoming father/son golf tournament — and he needs a son. Brody is reluctant to commit.


I’m verrrrrrrrrry busy with my dogs

Kourtney, Khloe, and Kim are in NYC. This trip is to scout out locations for their Dash store in Soho. The last time Khloe was in NYC, Lamar went missing. So she has bad memories. She is sad. It seems like everything she does now reminds her of Lamar. Meanwhile, Khloe thinks it would be fun to wear a fur coat that has been marred with red paint — mainly to freak Kim out. Kim wants to walk far away from Khloe while she has the fur on.


My NYC wear


This is my NYC wear

As they visit potential sites, one place is leaking from the roof. At another location, Kourtney doesn’t think she’s “down with this neighborhood.”


I’m not “DOWN” with this neighborhood

 Afterwards, Khloe is on the phone with Lamar. Lamar is leaving the country, he has contracted with a team outside of the USA, and she doesn’t get to say goodbye. She had originally planned on going with him. Kourtney says that it is good that it’s ending this way because it is pushing Khloe into distancing herself and living her own life.


Khloe and Kourtney are at Khloe’s house packing up.


Eek, there’s a mouse in my closet!

Khloe holds up a skimpy lingerie thing that Rob got her for Valentine’s Day – is that weird? Yes.


Ah, Brotherly Love.  Rob game me this for Valentine’s Day.


Rob got this one for me.


Khloe is angry because Lamar is giving public interviews saying they talk all the time and they are working things out, which is not true. Because of what Lamar is saying, the public is questioning whether they have done enough to fix their relationship. Khloe talks about how hard it has been this last year lying and covering for Lamar when he was with other women. On her birthday, she even had to give her Beyonce tickets to Kendall — she spent her birthday alone. She has been living a lie. She is alone and consumed with lying and covering up.



I had to lie and say my husband’s package was this big!

Bruce is at his beach house with his son Brandon. He is complaining that Brody never responds to his calls. Brandon says it’s frustrating, but Bruce should not take it personally, it’s just the way it is.


Quitcher Bitching.  After all, I am your favorite son.

Khloe is throwing a “spontaneous” coming home party for Kendall at the main Jenner house. A spontaneous party with: a DJ, mechanical bull, big inflatable slide, Jell-O shots, photo booth, corn dog fryers. No planning is needed for any of those things – they just appear out of nowhere. Kris loves having all the kids there, but it is noisy. She offers Bruce ear plugs, but he says he doesn’t need them – he left his hearing aids out.


Jell-O is spontaneous!

 Scott is relating to Khloe with her drinking – it’s been a rough year for both of them. But he is concerned that Khloe is trying to take down the negatives in her life with alcohol – he thinks she is partying too much. (!!!)


IMG_1460 IMG_1463


Khloe is talking with Kris and saying that Lamar says he calls Kris and Bruce all the time. Khloe is pissed about this. Kris defends Lamar, and Khloe accuses her of sticking up for him and offers that Kris can f*ck him if she wants – he is available.


Go ahead and f*ck him — he is available

She says it is heartbreaking when her mother doesn’t take her own side.


I am a heartbroken Ho

The three sisters are at the liquor store, buying alcohol for another party Khloe is throwing. Kourtney says that Khloe is turning into a party animal – a drunky monkey.   They call Kris and ask advice on what to buy — she says to get plenty of Vodka.  Out of nowhere, Kourtney says she is practicing her “Kegels” because she has to pee.

K-liquorstoreAll together now, Kegel 1, 2, 3, 4

So here we are at another big party – this one at Khloe’s house. Khloe is trying to occupy her time since the divorce and deal with emotions, not mask them. But she is drinking. A lot.

IMG_1463 IMG_1460

Khloe = Party girl

Khloe won’t let people leave when they want to go home. There is a silly game where Khloe locks Kourtney out of the house, but she shows up at the front door afterall. Kourtney says “let people go home”.


Let people go home!

Bruce is at the golf course waiting for Brody. Brody calls and makes excuses again. Bruce thinks he may not want to be with him. (Duh.) Bruce says punctuality is important – it shows you care. Bruce feels that Brody doesn’t really want to spend time with him and that hurts.

IMG_1493The truth hurts.

At an indoor race track Kendall , Brandon, and Brody are all complaining about Bruce. Kendall and Brandon defend Bruce to Brody saying he is the same with all of them – he just wants to spend time with his kids.


Brandon says that sometimes you have to sacrifice your time to spend time with Bruce. He tells Brody to do that, it won’t kill you.


You gotta be nice to Bruce.  By the way, how does my hair look?

At the Jenner house, Kim is showing a little jacket for North to Kris and Kourtney.


 Khloe comes in – she’s drunk. Kris is worried – she thinks there is more going on than Khloe lets on.


Khloe, I think you are drinking too much.

Khloe says she doesn’t have time to process her feelings because she is constantly busy. She wants to have another party– the last night in the house before she goes to live with her brother. When Kris tries to talk to her, Khloe says she’s being weird.


“I’m not being weird, but this little sweater outfit is.”

Kris decides to wait for the storm to pass; Khloe is too upset and will yell at Kris for anything she says. As Khloe is walking out of the “white room” in her brown clothes, she asks how long the pictures of Lamar are going to stay on the walls.

IMG_1490This is too much brown for this white room

Brody shows up at Bruce’s Malibu house and tries to share his feelings, but says Bruce should not call him lazy or other things. Bruce should reach out, but don’t criticize. Bruce admits it is easier with Brandon, because he is around more often and responds when Bruce calls him. This upsets Brody, but he says he will try harder. They both will try harder. Bruce says he appreciates the frank talk, and he will try to lighten up.


This is me lightening up

Again, we are at Khloe’s house where she is packing up, again.


“Do I save pregnancy tests or give them to someone now that I am not getting pregnant?”

Bruce shows up to show support. He asks if she is drinking too much. When asked how she is doing, Khloe says she is more stressed out than sad. She doesn’t have time to be sad. She’s just trying to be more social. Is she masking something, avoiding something? She needs to be able to deal with all the stress in her life. Bruce is worried about her. He offers to have her live with him in Malibu – 20 minutes away. Khloe says it’s too far and that is not where the realm of her life is right now. Khloe says her personality is more  “let me laugh” instead of cry and let me enjoy the moments that I can.

IMG_1495Family therapy session, on the bar

Bruce and Brody are at the father/son golf tournament. All I can say is that they are both wearing red shirts.



They seem to enjoy themselves and have fun together.  All of Bruce’s nagging paid off.


Khloe is at her house doing (finally!) the final packing and moving out. In.The.Pouring.Rain.


It never rains in Southern California (unless you are sadly packing)

The family is all there helping her. Kim remarks how sad it is. Scott, the Voice of Reason, says it’ll be fine – Khloe will be better off somewhere else because too many weird things have happened here.


Then she opens the safe and finds that Lamar’s jewelry is missing.


She feels disgusted, horrible, violated. She is so vulnerable. Scott tries to reason with her – there is so much good that is about to start in her life. “When?” says Khloe. She failed in her relationship. And she failed in losing all the jewelry. Khloe was responsible and she failed. Kris tells her it’s not her fault. The police show up and ask if the husband could have taken the jewelry. She says no because he has been out of the country and the locks in the house have been changed. Now Khloe is suspecting the people she has had in the house. She feels so violated. At the beginning the house had so many phenomenal memories. But now at the end, there are only memories she doesn’t want to remember –she is screwed at the end.


Next time – the family take their fake orange tans to Thailand. But someone forgot to pack Rob.


Want more TrashTalk? Follow us on Twitter for updates of recaps as they publish, like us onFacebook for a daily update, watch our TV parody vids on YouTube, or for funny TV pics, heart us on Instagram, follow our TV parody boards on Pinterest, and get our daily microblogs on Tumblr!