Howdy, Trashmii! Welcome to this week’s ep, From Monogamy to Polygamy. We pick up where we left off last week, with the Browns driving the last few miles to Springfield. Kody says it’s fascinating to meet people who defend polygamy solely from the Bible. Christine says it’s weird, and Janelle is excited to meet the Richard family. Let’s see how long that lasts.
It’s nighttime, and the Browns arrive at the Richard ranch. We meet Nathanael, the husband, Rebecca, the first wife, and Christina, wife #2. They’re young folks, in their 30s. Kody says he’s curious as to how they were inspired to “choose our lifestyle”, like the Browns created polygamy or something. The Richards say there are a “lot of us hiding” (presumably non-Mormon plygs) in Missouri. The Richards are just coming out publicly on Sister Wives, and Kody tells us he wonders if they know what they’re getting into. Of course not! No one who appears on a reality program ever knows what they’re getting into.
Nathanael has decided to use military organization for his family. He says “company, fall in” and the kids line up against a wall like a scene from The Sound of Music. Or a firing squad. After Kody completely humiliates one of the young boys by saying Aspyn (who’s not there) would love to have him as a boyfriend, Nathanael says “intro” and the kids all introduce themselves. I don’t remember their names, so I’m just going to call them the names of the kids in the movie. For that matter, I’m calling them all by the character names.
Too bad they didn’t sing this:
The Von Trapps have set up a seder. Cause they’re . . . Christian? Is it actually even Passover? Kody describes a seder to us as only he can. It’s a meal with a story. So’s a Happy Meal, for that matter.
The Captain starts to say the blessing, but Kody butts in and says he’s memorized that in Hebrew, and proceeds to say it. Kody tells us it’s “funner” to say things in Hebrew. Only Kody would call the Hebrew language, and a prayer about escape from enslavement, “fun”. Do I sense another branch of Judaism about to start? Let’s see . . . you’ve got your Orthodox, your Conservative, your Reform – and your Wanna Be Surfer Dude. Mazel tov!
In interview, Kody goes on to give a more in-depth teaching on the Exodus: Moses says to Pharaoh, “Let my people go”, and Pharaoh replies, “No way, Jose”. What is this, Drunk History?
I get all my Bible teaching from Bob Dylan. He’s the one who told us: “God said to Abraham, ‘give me your son’. Abe said, ‘man, you must be puttin’ me on’!” Much peppier than the King James, that’s for sure.
Showing his typical keen grasp of history and science, Kody ends the evening by telling us if Exodus were happening today, as one of the plagues, “God would send zombies”. OR MAYBE HE WOULD SEND POLYGAMOUS FAMILIES!
We’re back to hear about another
charming habit freaky “tradition” of the Von Trapp family. They all start to eat at exactly the same time. Apparently as Christians their priorities should be Jesus, another person and yourself, in that order. So it would be best to let another person eat first to show deference. But because they all want to show that deference to each other, they look each other in the eye and take the first bite together. When Captain Von Trapp takes lunch breaks at work, he will even call one of the wives so they can eat at the same time over the phone. I could not make this up, Trashmii. And it looks just as creepy as it sounds.
Christine is skeeved by that too, in interview, so Kody makes fun of her, and then Robyn mimes bug-eyed staring at Christine when they eat, which for some reason really irritates Christine. But then, what doesn’t?
It’s the next day now, and we see the entire Von Trapp family taking the first bite of breakfast on the count of three.
Rebecca/Maria lists what she says are all sorts of lifestyles listed in the Bible, and says all are an option. OK, I pick “fabulously wealthy king”, cause that’s in the Bible too. Of course, she neglects to point out that those so-called “lifestyles” are all in the Old Testament. Jesus wasn’t running any harems!
Meanwhile, while looking at the Von Trapps’ goats and chickens, Kody is going on and on to Freidrich and Kurt about how great goats are. He tells one of the kids they could ride a goat if they wanted to. Kody wants one as a pet! The kids and the goats ignore him. Christine talks to Brigitta. Christine asks why the hens don’t just leave eggs everywhere to be stepped on. Brigitta refrains from laughing at her and instead talks about how the hens follow the rooster around, just like polygamy. Then they both discuss growing up plyg and having to hide it. Aw, sad distorted religious doctrine horns.