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Lying and deceit are my stock in trade. Not only am I English, but I'm incredibly sexy too. I'm an atheist who works in marketing, so its a good job I'm an atheist. I've gone freelance again, despite the fact that the last time I tried that I nearly starved to death. So in about three weeks, that guy at the bins, that'll be me. Check out my occasional Blog at
  • Redmeph

    Lots of stuff going on this week, its hard not to reply to every comment with my own, but I’ll be good and tie it all up in one post.

    @AuntDorsey and @Choasbutterfly, I was very appreciative of the supportive comments, they made my week much brighter.

    That’s my limit on being pleasant, from here on in bitterness will apply.

    I’m paid so little my bosses decided they can’t afford to lose me, plus, they want to sell things in America, and they need me for that, so I’m ok.

    @chris Velazquez – Cutter talked himself into a hole, but it was silly how Bastich tried to turn it into a ‘thing’. I’m thinking it was a producer inspired event, as Bastich was putting words into Cutter’s mouth.

    As for the never ending mystery that is Malibu – I tend to think Aunt Dorsey pegged it right – the boy has no social skills. I’m still not entirely happy with that answer – but without finding out what has gone on behind the scenes, its impossible to know any better. He’s certainly a special little angel.

    @chaosbutterfly I can tell Daniel is cute as he puts my hackles up in a competitive male type way. Its entirely great to like cute minis more than you should, I still remember Hooch and Monti – and Jaimee, the current Queen of my heart. You should draw the line at emailing them marriage proposals, I learned that the hard way. Restraining orders are so bothersome, I have to work out the distance in metres and feet.

    Britain, the only country in the world to use both metric and imperial measures at the same time, to make sure young and old are equally confused.

  • Chaosbutterfly

    I’m telling ya’ll, Malibu is doing something to those people.
    There’s no way that such a diverse group of adults in a competition would so commitedly unite in their hatred of one particular person in the group if he were not doing something to them. If they were just mean or bad or the type who like to bully, they would go for someone easy and harmless, like Jaimee or Elise. If they were jealous, they would go for Big Willie or Courtney. These people are too different to all be bullies for no reason. Malibu is doing something to them.

    I think Malibu is smart enough not to do it in the kitchen or in front of the judges/cameras, but when the judges go home and the cameras shut off, he is doing something to them.
    More likely than not, he’s just being himself, and more likely than not, himself is an entitled, annoying, petulant, self-obsessed asshole. You can see glimmers of it in the kitchen (like when he said oh we’ll see if they can do it better than me when he got taken off the eggs, and when he gleefully tried to throw people under the bus after for no reason after the military challenge) and it’s not so bad, but imagine being around that kind of passive aggressive, childish garbage, but full-force, day in and day out, under the pressure of a competition, and while being sequestered from your family and friends. Literally, they cannot take a break from him.
    Of course they are going to hate him and it is going to bubble over.
    I have a boss like Malibu, and being trapped with him for an extended period of time is one of my deepest, darkest nightmares. We are having a four day retreat in a couple of months and I am desperately trying to find a new job before then, because I seriously can’t handle being in his presence all day for all four days plus traveling time.
    So I don’t blame them for hating him.
    And I like Daniel. Maybe I am biased because I think he’s good-looking, but I like him. He seems competent in the kitchen and overall, he seems benign.

    Cutter and Elise need to go. Like now, they need to go. Especially Elise. She is the queen of borrowed time.
    And I used to feel bad for Cutter, since the challenges this season have been so dessert-focused and it’s clearly not his thing, but at this point, I’m just taking that as the hand of God, gently but inexorably pushing Cutter towards the door, off my tv screen, and out of my life.

    And I’m sorry about the week you’ve been having, Redmeph.
    I’m sure you won’t get fired, especially if there is no proof that it was your fault.
    And the person who blamed you, I hope his penis turns itself inside out. Unless it is a woman of course. Then I hope her vag spontaneously closes.

  • Chris Velazquez

    So Malibu buries the hatchet with Ahran and then just picks it up with Cutter and Daniel, plus the thing being cleared that others dislike him. I recently read an interview with both Jaimee and Daniel from a tattoo magazine (Jaimee’s tattoos are freaking adorable), and Daniel stated that he did try to be friends with Malibu, but that Malibu’s really a self-absorbed jerk and it just didn’t work out. Seriously, when so many people dislike you, there’s something wrong with you. I should know, it happens to me too, I’m antisocial and tactless. Probably not the best life choices I’ve made, but still.

    I actually do like Lucky Elise, personally, I do hope she suddenly surges up with some tasty stuff and nobody sees it coming. And hey, they may be just sandwiches, but with so many layers needing to be perfectly layered, plus a whole lot of sandwiches, plus having to make them all in a very short amount of time on top of timing it perfectly to the other stuff being sent out? Anybody can fuck that up. Soon as Elizabeth jumped in, they pulled it together, so no biggie.

    And I have to take Cutter’s side, actually. He just muttered that he liked the flavor of his cake, that was all. Gordy said the cake was good, just too much of that very sweet cream cheese frosting. Well, maybe that’s how Cutter’s palate enjoys it. If I blame Cutter for anything is becoming so flustered that he argued back a lot, but I can’t really blame him for it when the judges practically bait him. And he was right, Joe Bastiabitch really did put words in Cutter’s moth, Cutter never spoke badly of Gordon’s palate. I’m okay with Gordy and Graham, but I have never liked Bastiabitch with his asshat ways, he has been the one permanent shit stain on this show since day one of season one.

    I’ll give this to this season, though, there’s a lot more likable contestants than in season 4. If Malibu and Evil Courtney were gone, I’m fine with everyone else left. If only Joe Bastiabitch were gone too and a new judge came along, preferably an actual chef, I’d be so happy. I wonder if the reason he’s so pissed all the time is cause people don’t know who the fuck he is and always confuse him with Pitbull.

  • TyrBear

    I am also starting to root for Malibu. At this point it just feels like he is the fun target to bully because he has really managed to stay calm despite multiple attacks and some high pressure cooking. I don’t think he is completely innocent, but I don’t think he deserves the amount of crap he takes on the chin.

    Daniel is definitely a prick. He seems to think extremely highly of himself and I feel like almost every team event has shown him trying to take over even though he doesn’t come across as a front runner, more like upper middle of the pack.

    The Cutter argument felt silly to me and in my eyes made the judges look really bad. Even with all the editing they can do it still really came across like Cutter did just word his question about appropriate sweetness poorly and then got attacked for it. I am surprised Bastianich went so far as to make the dramatic exaggeration that Cutter would say Gordy has a terrible palate.

  • Dazzy

    I hadn’t noticed Daniel before this week but I’ve now decided he’s a prick. Good job, Daniel.

    Leslie’s actually a front runner in my head. Not because I think he’s the best (I support Scottish Francis 100% – I’ll knock it up to 115% if he starts referring to Gordy as “Scottish Gordon”) but because I think he has one of the most marketable faces for that cook book deal. I bet he and his strangely lilac hair get one hell of an edit from here on out.

  • Aunt Dorsey

    @Redmeph, Sorry you’ve had a rough week, but you turned out your usual excellent recap.

    I have to confess that my Schadenfreude kicked in and I was so hoping the manipulative bastards would choose “Personal Pot Pie Elise” as a team leader. Oh well, better they didn’t. They chose my hero Big Willie. I’m still betting on that pony. You GO Big Willie! Oh that poor girl, Elise — if your nerves are SO bad that you can’t let the knife do the slicing without mushing the bread to hell……oooof.

    Malibu Leslie cracks me up. Poor wee thing has NO social skills at all. He reminds me of a spinster aunt I had from Maine — same sort of voice and the madder she’d get, the higher and shriller her voice would get. In his defense, eggs are the hardest thing to cook consistently and to time them with the other items…. Not easy, but he was so wigged out — burning toast? Please. Leslie when he’s stressed out, reminds me of a broody hen or a neurotic chihuahua.

    I can’t ever remember the names of the judge chefs, other than Father/Husband of the Year, Gordon Ramsey. But I seriously want that bald-headed, wispy mustachioed, arrogant tool to slip and break something. Cutter may be a douchebag, but he did twist his words.

  • A mom

    I must say, Malibu seems like one of the people I know who’s good-hearted but socially sort of annoying. I can’t imagine him doing anything so heinous as to draw the derision and outright nastiness of all the other contestants. There was a moment when he was standing there while Cutter dug at him, he talked the nonchalant talk, but had a definite glimmer of hurt in his eyes. Like a sheen of tears, but not quite.

    I put a lot of energy into teaching my children how to interact. With people they like, or people they don’t, they must keep feelings and common decency in mind.

    I may have to start actually rooting for Leslie. If this keeps up, he’ll have worked harder for the win than anyone else, never picked to sit out a pressure test, always having the drama in his field of concentration, etc.