Bad Girls Club Recap: Episodes 8 and 9

Before we get started, I have to say that I lost respect for everyone in the house, even Blu – especially Blu. The only person I didn’t lose respect for was Jada. I actually gained a little bit more respect for her.

Just so you know, this is a “2 episodes, 1 recap” deal. Between my own drunken slack-i-tude, and the fact that my IP address was banned from the site for a while (I didn’t think I was sending that much porn to TrashTalkTV – my bad), I fell behind.

So, let’s hose ourselves with skank repellant, and dive into this ho infestation.

Blu is a pimp in every sense of the word. Aysia is her ho who will do whatever Blu says. Jada is at the hotel for her own safety against being jumped. Britt is wishing that Jada was there so that she could jump her while someone else is beating Jada’s ass. Loren is waiting for the chance to hulk out and embarrass my hometown again. And, I am drunk off my ass trying to recap this shit without raising my blood pressure.

Seriously, the second they said that Loren was from Mobile, I was worried about having problems with her. And, I do have problems with her. She is not representative of us!

Ask any person from Mobile what they think of someone they don’t like, and your answer will be, “who?”

That’s why I am sure that Loren is acting. Don’t get me wrong, we can be crazy – we can even be “you need to watch your back” crazy. But, we only get crazy when we care. Like, if you are my friend and you betray my trust? Watch your back. You’re my man and you cheated on me? Watch your nuts. You’re my sister and you fucked my husband? Bitch, you are going down. But, that kind of crazy only happens because we care – we are invested, so you need to watch your back.

Loren cares too much about what Jada is or isn’t doing for me to believe that she isn’t invested in Jada. Unless Loren is jealous of Jada, the only explanation is that she is acting for the cameras and doing every bit as much of an over the top job as Redd.

Redd is claiming that Jada’s stay at the hotel is a paid vacation, as she collects a paycheck while living rent-free in a mansion for 8 weeks.

Eight weeks is not enough time for them to actually get to know each other. It’s not enough time for them to be angry at anyone for not sharing. It’s only enough time for them to wonder what the other bitches are saying about them. And, Jada doesn’t care what the other bitches are saying about her.

So, Jada wins. I know we have to make it through to the end. But come on. 8 weeks? 8 weeks and these bitches are all up in arms about not knowing “who the real Jada is?” Bitches please. They pulled the same shit with Alex, and I don’t understand why Alex didn’t see that as it was going down. Alex lost huge points too. Blu and Alex were the two that I had the most respect for. They both seemed to be doing their own thing, and not letting anyone else dictate what they did or who they befriended. They both disappointed me.

Here is the quick and dirty of episode 8:

Jada has absolutely no fucks to give about any of the so called “fab 4.” She comes back to the house and says hello, but gets no response. So she goes to call a cab to get out for a while.

loren-really-sucks

Loren can’t stand that Jada has a phone voice when dealing with people she can’t see – she actually holds the “phone voice” against Redd later too – so she hulks out and starts some shit. Jada doesn’t back down and they fight in the phone booth.

loren-is-a-bully

This is the point when I decide that Loren is not worth my time – even as a recapper. How do you go from complaining that Redd had no business fighting someone so much smaller than she is, to doing the exact same shit, multiple times? And the thing is, Loren wasn’t even provoked, she was the one instigating the whole thing. She was just pissed that Jada didn’t back down.

How much do you want to bet that each and every one of these bitches has a phone voice? Do you think that Britt, Blu, or Loren talks like a thug when ordering a pizza or talking to someone she doesn’t know but needs information from on the phone? Granted, Loren probably still can’t be understood because she doesn’t know how to enunciate, but I bet she puts her best phone voice on when talking to customer service about her delinquent payments. At least she probably does before they tell her that she needs to pay or be disconnected; then, she probably hulks out and starts screaming and cussing at them.

Redd finds out that her mom has to have surgery and makes the decision to go home to be with her. This is where I want to know more about the contract they sign to be on the show. Because Loren was all pissed off about not going to see her “deddy,” but Redd just said “fuck it, I’m going to be with my momma.” She isn’t sure if she can come back, but she knows her mother is more important than this shit. Plus, she actually comes back. Would Loren have been able to come back if she had gone to see her “deddy?”

Loren doesn’t really care if Redd comes back. That Loren, is always following the most popular one in the house, am I right? Britt and Alex take Redd to the airport. Blu and Loren think that the house may be calmer without Redd.

Blu claims that she is still mad at Aysia for talking too much about what they have going on. But, it doesn’t stop her from cozying up to Aysia – having to be mad at a ho that you have easy access to falls under the category of #PimpProblems.

blu-aysia

Seriously, Blu? You make the girl feel bad for venting about her relationship with you, and decide that she is too messy, but you can’t help messing with her? That’s not gangsta. That’s just you being messy.

The bitches decide to look up Jada’s arrest history with no producer influence at all. They find an arrest report that lists her as Angela Nicole Lynn, and freak out. It makes no sense at all.

everyone-hates-jada

They have already said that Jada’s driver’s license lists Jada as her middle name. You can’t just put anything you want on a driver’s license. It’s a legal document that requires your birth certificate. So, all of their faux outrage made me want to line them up and slap them each in the face with a tube of rancid cookie dough. Usually, I would smack them with a dildo, but why waist a perfectly good dildo on the likes of these bitches?

There is a house meeting after Jada gets back. Alex and Aysia show their ass, but Jada doesn’t back down – as usual. And, she still comes out winning that encounter. Because, Blu tries to lay it out as “everyone has issues with Jada and Jada has issues with everyone.” Jada doesn’t play along and calls it out as everyone having an issue with her and her not having an issue with anyone. And it’s true!

Jada has not shown that she has had an issue with anyone since she had her blow up with Redd wanting to “lay with” her. Ever since then, she has just been hanging by herself and defending herself when she needs to. So, what they are calling Jada “having issues” is really just Jada not backing down in a confrontation, and not giving a shit about what they think of her.

Alex jumps in with the “your middle name is Nicole.” Aysia storms away like Jada has committed some major sin. Jada later calls out both Aysia and Alex saying that they know the story behind her name and how she associates it with what her father did to her. She basically makes Alex look like an idiot and Aysia look like the weak bitch that she is.

jada-calls-out-alex-aysia

Redd leaves a message for the girls, and Blu, Britt, and Loren are working themselves up over the fact that Redd’s message is in her “phone voice.” They conclude that Redd is fake. For real?

Am I the only person who has had her mother go from yelling and screaming at her about picking up her shit, only to have said mother pick up the phone and say “hello” in the most calm voice as though she were the first lady?

All of these bitches use a phone voice. Just like they all use an interview voice. They are no different from any other person out there. You speak a certain way around people you are comfortable with and you speak a different way when you are leaving a message or dealing with an unknown person. It’s a basic survival instinct. But, Blu is really pushing this whole thing about Redd being an actress – which she is. I’m not pro-Redd or anything. She IS a bully and IS acting out for the camera, but we have more evidence of that than a message on an answering machine.

As much as they complain about flip flopping bitches, the UnFabulous Four is made up of flip flopping bitches. And since Blu is leading the charge, I lost a LOT of respect for her.

That’s where episode 8 ends for the most part.

Let’s get into episode 9, because these bitches had me blowing up Twitter with their ridiculousness.

Blu is obviously trying to increase her stable of hos. The only real problem is that Loren doesn’t realize that. So, her dumb ass thinks that Blu actually wants to spend time with her to find out how she feels about the other girls in the house. Blu is a pimp, and every move she makes has to be viewed through a pimp-lens.

Britt picks up Redd from the airport and pretends to miss her. She brings Redd back to the house and the welcome is underwhelming. In Redd’s mind, nothing has changed. But, everyone else has had time to bitch about Redd and how much they didn’t missed her.

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Now it is time for an etiquette class. I don’t know, just go with it.

It’s stupid and boring. Loren tries to set Alex up, but Alex actually can walk with a book on her head. Hey, Loren? Alex is a model; she can walk wearing anything, including a book on her head. You aren’t going to call her out that way.

alex-book

Stop trying so fucking hard to make someone you dislike look bad and just be yourself. Everyone seems to know how to just be themselves except Loren, Redd, and Britt. I don’t get it, because they are the also the main ones accusing people of being fake.

I don’t know when the next scene happened in the filming. But, I know that Blu and Loren are being assholes. Keep in mind that I am still mad at Alex for being too stupid to realize what the other hos were trying to do to Jada.

After the etiquette class, we see Alex in bed, Loren in bed, and Blu folding clothes. Alex asks them if they feel like they have learned enough about people to move forward. Blu says she has. And Loren says, “including Slim.” Then, she goes on to say that she doesn’t think that Alex is there for Bad Girls Club. What the fuck is Loren there for?

Loren hasn’t given anything more than Alex or Jada has. All she has done is stand on furniture and scream at bitches. Are we supposed to think that she is being real when that is all she does? Are we supposed to think that she is being real because she can bully somebody but not admit to being a bully? I’m trying to recap unbiased when it comes to Loren, but come on! She claims that Alex isn’t being real as she lies in bed with a face full of makeup. Because you know, when you get ready for bed, you make sure you have a face full of foundation, eye makeup, and lipstick, just in case a camera is there.

loren-hating-alex

Grow the FUCK UP Loren! I know it is unfair because Blu is doing just as much, and she is just as bad as Loren. But, Loren gets my hackles up because the show is pretending that she is saying this without any input from Blu.  But, we know that the only reason Loren is even saying anything is because Blu is being nonchalant about bringing the shit up. Plus, Loren has this grin on her face the whole time, and I don’t like when people enjoy being nasty to someone else just for the sake of it.

I admit it. I’m invested in Loren enough to actively dislike her. She is not likeable or representative of my home town. But, I do dislike her because of the fact that she touches a nerve. I’ve met some crazy bitches in Mobile. I’ve been the crazy bitch from Mobile. I’ve never met anyone like Loren. I wonder if she is born and bred in my home town or if she is a transplant.

That’s not exactly true. Her accent is a dead giveaway that she is from Mobile. I had to go to speech therapy classes when my family moved to Florida.

Tangent: When we first moved to Florida, I had this guidance counselor who was really nice, but whose  Cuban accent I could not understand. When he showed me the papers that explained I would have to go to speech therapy twice a week, I hated him. Mainly, I hated him because I had to go to classes on the “short bus.” But, after hearing so many different accents, I understood that he just wanted to make sure people knew how smart I was. We later had this amazing conversation about perceptions, and how people make assumptions based on the way you speak. It was the first time I actually understood his speech pattern and why he knew that speech therapy would help me. A Cuban accent and an Alabama accent came together and understood each other.

themoreyouknow

He knew that I would be embarrassed, but because of his own experiences, he also knew that it was the only way to help me succeed. If you spoke with me now, you would have no idea just how thick my accent was.

So, I won’t discount Loren as stupid. I will only say that she entertains stupid assumptions. Since she refuses to just make her own decisions, I also can’t say that she is a misunderstood smart girl. I can only say that she is a poorly informed girl who makes me angry anytime I remember that she is from Mobile. Because, Mobile is AWESOME! Seriously, you should visit during Mardi Gras, or any other time of the year when it it’s not summer. Actually, summer in Mobile isn’t nearly as bad as summer in Georgia, so any time of the year.

Back to the recap…

Now it is about when Alex heard people cursing at her. For real?! Why is this even an issue? Alex says that she was 12 or 13 the first time she heard people cursing and she knew what they were talking about. Who cares? Why is this even being brought up, unless it’s something she told someone and it is now being used against her?

Stupid bitches are bringing up stupid shit to use against other stupid bitches. It would be so much easier for everyone if the bitches would just say that they don’t like a ho; and that was why they were picking at unimportant shit. I would at least understand that. But what they are doing is just pointless. Who cares if the girl you have known for a few weeks claims that she never heard people curse at her until she was 12 or 13 years old? What difference will it make in any one’s life? What difference will it make in the Bad Girls Club?

Britt and Lo are just following whatever asshole they can. But, Blu could easily say that the shit isn’t important. Instead, she is the one instigating the shit.

Blu, you are my girl, but I need you stop instigating petty shit in the house. Or, maybe I should reconsider whether or not you are my girl. Maybe you are just as petty as the other bitches, but you do a better job of hiding it?

Alex’s friends come to visit and I have to say, I thought it was hilarious that Redd was trying her best to befriend the heavier friend. It also kind of made me sad that she felt that she had to seek out someone she didn’t know based solely on the fact that she is also a larger person.

slims-friends

Britt pissed me off though. Because, as old and tore down as Britt looks with her bad foundation and fried hair, she has the nerve to say that someone looks old. Really, bitch? When is the last time you used some Oil of Olay? Seriously, at least take a glance in a mirror before you comment on how old someone looks.

Maybe if she was using the right color of foundation she wouldn’t look so decrepit, but she should have to deal with her face in HD before making such judgments. Shut up Britt.

Alex, Jada, and Alex’s friends go out to eat. Alex gets to vent, Jada obviously does not agree with everything that Alex says, but she doesn’t hold anything against her. They go out, just the two of them, and we learn that Loren has bad personal hygiene. Basically, Loren’s female parts leave a smell behind her when she leaves the bathroom.

loren-sucks

I do like the friendship between Alex and Jada, even though I think Jada is a much better person than I am for being cool with Alex after her bullshit with the name thing.

Jada is going into the studio to record her raps. Which, is surprising to me.

What’s more surprising is that Alex is not only supportive, but she is right there with her. I would be done with Alex after that bullshit about the name. But, like I said, Jada is a better person than I am, so she wins.

jada-alex-rapping

Look, I don’t know if I like Jada or not. The truth is, it’s the way she isn’t backing down and the way she refuses to let the other bitches get to her that has earned my respect. She may actually be a despicable person, but I wouldn’t know.

The bitches have made too big of a deal of hating her for us to really hear what her story is. Maybe if they had left her alone and stopped focusing on their own petty bullshit, she would have faded into the background like Britt, or Stephanie from last season. Then, the only thing I would know was how boring she is. But, they chose to focus on hating someone they could all beat up and didn’t realize that her scrappy little ass would triumph by not backing down.

jada-wins

Jada’s rapping sucks, but bless her heart for trying. I mean, I have definitely heard worse, and her singing is definitely better than her rapping, I just don’t see a legitimate record deal in her future.  But, what the hell do I know about music?

Redd talks to her dad about all of the crap that she hates about the life coach. Redd wants a relationship with her dad. What’s interesting is that she says the reason she is in the house is to work on her relationship with her father. But, I think she is there to show her ass and be the next Tanisha.

Redd tells her dad how much she hates that the life coach comes in all put together as though she were used to walking into mansions. And, I immediately get that Redd has absolutely no confidence in herself. Because if she did, she would understand that a confident person walks into any situation as though she owns the place. Instead of realizing that she could learn something about being comfortable in any situation, Redd hates that exact quality about Laura.

Should I feel bad for her? Probably. Do I feel bad for her? Nope. Because Redd sums up her description of Laura by saying Laura “needs to be comfortable with herself”. Self-awareness is important, people.

Oh my God! The rest of the “fab 4,” Alex, and Aysia are playing King’s Cup. Is that really all the producers have? Because that is some boring ass shit. Anyway, Redd quits when they don’t play the game the way she wants to play it. And we hear even more from Blu and Loren about how over Redd they are. Only, Alex sees this as another point in the hypocrisy of these girls – not realizing her own hypocrisy when it came to Jada. But, Jada forgave her, so I should let it go.

The coach visits. She asks Blu about the X on Jada’s face as Redd comes into the room. When asked about the X on Jada’s face, Redd immediately gets defensive. Blu calls it as Redd putting on a show, and she is right. Redd walks out and the life coach follows her.

Redd gets all extra about how putting the X on Jada’s face is only disrespectful to the life coach because Jada wasn’t the one asking who did it. In what world does that make any sense? Redd is an actress, but she is also very stupid. What’s worse is she expects us to be as stupid as she is.

The life coach knows that she can’t show fear in front of all of the other hos, so she takes Redd off to talk. Then, she keeps trying to trigger Redd to get her to react. It’s actually pretty smart. Redd is too much of an actress to actually attack Laura. She knows she is out if she does, but at the same time, she can’t resist showing her ass for the sake of television.

So, she does childish shit like screaming into a pillow and talking really loud about security and popping Laura. It’s every bit as stupid as it sounds.

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But, that’s where it ends.

Sorry about the lateness of the recap guys, but I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about both episodes.