I am reaching for a happy ending
Hello Trash Talkers! This new episode is Season 1’s finale and I’m feeling a little weepy. I’m not one to cry at weddings but divorce is a different thing altogether. I definitely experienced some waterworks in some of these moments on this show. So before I begin to swim through my tears with “Untying the Knot” memories, I’m going to take a moment to honor the uncouple of our last episode, Tina and Krissy. The lesbian couple (nice job Bravo!) had been together over a decade and they had decided it was time to move on for good. How did they come to this conclusion? Mannish Tina not only found a new love, but had her move in with them as well. In spite of all this, Krissy still wanted Tina. She didn’t say it but her sparkly eyes did. That and that she handed almost everything they were fighting over to Tina on a freaking silver platter. Embarrassing.
This is what people pleasing will bring you
On the bright side, she did get her knickers in a twist when one if their high dollar items, their T-shirt collection was on the table. Not a rare T-shirt in sight but lots of camp T-shirts from Bible camp 1985. Thankfully, she also sprung into action ( meaning Krissy started fidgeting on the couch) when the fate of their two doggy children, Suka and Dexter, was discussed. That may have softened my scorn after watching Krissy meekly blend into the background while Tina played dirty. She even let a Millea brother drive their Mustang GT that Krissy also wanted but wouldn’t verbally fight over. Or physically, for that matter. Darn.
Tina had to add that she wanted this for her and Amy, the other woman.
After watching Tina flirt shamelessly with Vikki, who clearly enjoyed her company and ignored her bulldozing over Krissy , the result of what went where was not too surprising. Their gorgeous $750, 000 Orange County home was split evenly. Krissy stupidly argued that she did not deserve 55% compared to Tina’s 45% originally awarded by Vikki. The 2006 The Mustang GT went to Tina. Not so fast Tina. The debt for the car was far more than the value, which Tina which came with it. Cackle cackle. The T-shirt collection? Valued at the in incredibly low price of $0, Tina won the jackpot on that one. Right.
The split between Dexter and Suka was hard to watch
Dexter and Suka were the most controversial cast members of the episode. Vikki explained earlier in the show that she was basing that one on who the better parent was. She discussed their schedules and emotional attachments to their dogs. Both seemed like great parents, so Tina was awarded Dexter and Suka went to Krissy. The separation upset them both but neither gave in so they could stay together. Big lesbian hugs at the end and they discussed play dates. God how I hate that term but if it makes the children happier then I’m all for it.
Now for the moment we’ve all been waiting for..the VERY. LAST. EPISODE!!!!!
Lights, camera, action!
We find ourselves in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, a haven of happiness and hooking up. Our couple, Stuart and Iret ,did just that 28 years which led to an unplanned pregnancy and marriage. They had enjoyed the perks of marriage until 4 years ago, when the uncoupling process began.
Stuart travels six months out of the year and Iret has come to realization that this not enough time together for her to have the emotional connection with Stuarts that she needs. Ugh! Why must they throw 28 years of marriage at me for this last episode? I’m having an anxiety attack already. I want my happy ending! C’mon Vikki work your magic. You OWE me!
This is all I am asking for .
Okay stay with me here.
Our D-list stars (that stands for divorce by the way) do their brief intros and then settle on the uncouple couch, ready to rumble. Here’s what they are fighting over: Their house, bought 25 years ago and full of 25 years of love, tears and sorrow. A baseball card collection of 30-year-old mint condition cards which Stuart claims were given to him by his uncle. The Judaica collection that was both bought and inherited. Last but not least, a Dorothea Lange photograph.
Stuart’s true love is revealed
I want Vikki to save this marriage. Although both Stuart and Iret look worn and torn with misery, they have been together forever. So what if they both look suicidal? Vikki owes it to me to fix their marriage and their lives in 30 minutes or less. I am going to remain optimistic and go through the goodies she sorted out just in case they go through with the divorce. I said IN CASE. First up, the house. Stuart’s guesstimate is $300,000. Stuart wants to sell it and split the equity while Iret wants to stay in the house until the kids are grown, which in her opinion will be five or six years. Did I mention she is referring to the youngest who is SIXTEEN and will be 21 or 22 when she thinks they are “grown”? Are you freaking kidding me? Last I checked eighteen was an adult but maybe not. Now I am feeling cheated for not getting to stay in my house that far into my adulthood. Oh, the money I could have saved! Next, they look at the baseball cards. I have to tell you I love this part, having dated and married many baseball card junkies who will trash their man cave yet keep those baseball cards sparkling clean. I wouldn’t be surprised if a few slept with them under their pillow regardless of the dollar value. Stuart said his uncle gave them to him and paid $245 for all of it. Since they are first edition cards in mint condition, the oldest one being 30 years old, Stuart thinks they are worth $1000-$1500. Iret wants to split the value of the collection. HA HA HA HA. Way to stick it to him Iret. That idea clearly has Stuart’s knickers in a twist. Next collection up is the Judaica collection. It is part inherited from Stuart’s family and part purchased. It has rare and unique pieces and their estimate is $30,ooo. Iret claims to want it because she has an “emotional” connection. Nice play Iret. You know Vikki always takes the emotional value into consideration, real or unreal. Stuart doesn’t really care but he does want a piece of what it’s worth.