Vikki has taught us how painless divorce can be.
Hello Trash Talkers! Hope everyone survived the holiday as well as Hurricane Arthur. We Trash Talkers look out for each other. Well Trashies, this is the FINAL episode of Untying the Knot! Can you believe it? No word on whether it is coming back for another season but I will say I enjoyed this one. I wasn’t too sure if I was going to enjoy a less trashy ride, but this show has been quite the adventure. Plus, I did take notes to prepare for any marital woes that might happen to my little union!
It’s all about looking out for ourselves, ladies and gentleman. The sad truth that we have learned from this show is that should your partner be a man, he will snatch the wedding ring back faster than you can say “I do.” Harsh, but we must accept it. Personally, I have been sleeping with my wedding and engagement rings hidden in a sock since I watched the first episode. It’s a great hiding place. For now. I have earned that ring and dammit to hell if ANYONE tries to take it back!
Okay enough on me. Last week we met the very first lesbian couple in Untying the Knot HISTORY! Okay so it was only Episode 5. Still. Unfortunately it wasn’t a very happy couple.
The uncouple, Tina and Krissy, were fighting over many valuable items as par the course in these episodes. However, I do believe they set the record for squabbling over the LEAST valuable item in Untying the Knot history. A T-shirt collection! Not just ANY T-shirt collection. A really, truly, worthless crap one. Hooray! TV people can fight over foolish sh*t just like those of us not worthy enough to be on the show. Remember the intro at the beginning? Vikki deals with the BIG NAMES. Mountains of money. She forgot to mention some major morons. Okay I had to call out Vikki on that one because although I like the woman and all of her extensions, she is just as full of it as the rest of them on Bravo TV. Yes Andy Cohen, I am pointing to your silly self.
No doubt this will be a member of Andy’s wedding party.
Let’s look at why Tina and Krissy uncoupled for good. It looked like the love just died and went to hell. That and Tina was a bitch before and after the break-up. Krissy apparently was HER bitch. After the break-up (they are not DIVORCED yet be reminded) Tina decided to show some extra respect for her ex and the thirteen years they were coupled by moving her new girlfriend , Amy, into their home.
I prefer Talky Tina to the Tina is this episode.
Yep, Tina was trashy as the rest of em. She even sounded a little boastful about it to. They lived in Orange County, where relationship standards are VERY high, heck sometimes people even get MARRIED. Sometimes to the very same people they have been dating. Serious stuff. Tina broke that mold along with the one that demands all female residents in the O.C. look like Barbie Dolls before taking up residence. Not only was she ugly as sin, she tried to make Krissy look whorish. She said she was gone weekends on a tongue fest which made Krissy blush. Not sure of the truth in all this but if that’s the case Orange County clearly is no longer as shallow as it once was. Either way, Tina was so repulsive that after just a few minutes into the episode, I decided that she made even Talky Tina look appealing. For those of you who opt out of the brilliant, classic, Twilight Zone episodes airing somewhere on cable, she is a killer doll with a very creepy voice. She has some seriously sadistic eyebrows. She is still more enjoyable and attractive than Tina.
Krissy is distressed about the T-shirt collection fiasco
Here is what they were clawing over:
Lame arse T-shirt collection full of shirts worn but never washed
A gorgeous O.C. home that was also Amy’s dream home
Two amazing dogs, Suka and Dexter
A 2006 Mustang G.T.
Tina, the whore behind all of this uncoupled mess, made quite a display of herself and sucked up to everyone in sight. She even allowed a Millea to take the Mustang for a spin. Krissy, thoroughly robbed of any dignity and confidence, sort of faded into the background. It was all pretty sad because Krissy basically handed over everything to Tina.
Tina shamelessly flirted with Vikki (which Vikki enjoyed by the way) and even conned Krissy into giving her more ownership of the house. Greed, they name is Tina.
Vicki tried to justify why she handed their beloved T-shirt collection to Tina, the scheming whore.
Krissy FINALLY put her flimsy shoe down when it came to the dogs, Suka and Dexter. It comforted me to know that at least the wuss would fight for the children. They each argued as to why they deserved them both. It came down to who was the better parent. Vikki couldn’t decide, and they each wound up with a dog. Tina got everything else. The kicker though was the Mustang was valued at several thousand less than what they owed on it. I hope Tina enjoyed the debt. Vikki decided to split the ownership of the house with Tina awarded 45% and Krissy 55%. Tina got her mannish self in a girly fit over that one. Krissy, who still wanted to please Tina, wimped out and said she thought Tina deserved more so Vikki awarded each 50% of the house. Pitiful. What a disgrace to uncouples everywhere. Vikki was not only shocked, but applauded the two for having made her job so easy and for putting the children first. I scorned Vikki for that statement, along with Krissy’s behavior. Tina certainly only made it easier because save getting both dogs, she got almost everything else she whined about.
What do you get for giving your stank ex everything in the settlement? Well a little hug that makes everything… more pathetic.
Our new episode introduces us to Stewart and Iret. This is our very last episode of this show’s first season. This BETTER be good!
On the bad side this couple is highly unattractive. On the plus side, love is blind, right? The show’s producers obviously don’t think we are a shallow bunch after exposing us to Golan of Episode 2 and Emily, Miss Episode 3. So we will not disappoint them and try to focus on the rise and fall of this last love affair. These two have been married forever and ever, like one of our previous couples, Emily and Dave. This uncouple better have a good reason for the split. I won’t forgive Vikki for letting their union die if they don’t.
No T-shirt collection?
Vikki had it too easy last week. It looks like she will be making up for slacking off on this episode. These two look miserable and neither looks like they are backing down. So what are the final goods to scream over in this last episode?
A baseball card collection (minus the stick gum)
Stuart and Iret’s $300,000 home
Dorothea Lange photo
Will Stuart and Iret battle it out over a baseball card collection that I’m guessing is not all that impressive? Is their crap any uglier than what we have seen all season? Tune in for the final recap as well my best and worst pics for the season!
Missed last week’s episode? You can catch up by clicking here. Like what you read? Floshizzle also recaps “Dance Moms” and “L.A. Hair”
Want more TrashTalk? Follow us on Twitter for updates of recaps as they publish, like us onFacebook for a daily update, watch our TV parody vids on YouTube, or for funny TV pics, heart us on Instagram, follow our TV parody boards on Pinterest, and get our daily microblogs on Tumblr!