Big Brother Recap: Let’s Play Who Hates Devin More

RonnieK’s latest BB in 2 Minutes

Welcome to Eviction Night on Big Brother.  Sorry for no recap last Thursday, I was suffering from migraines.  I still do, but I used to, too.  Now, I just have drugs to cope with the realms of reality TV.  As for the previouslies, I vaguely remember Joey becoming a man.  I believe I have some footage of it here.

Also, not to pry, but don’t bomb squads typically diffuse bombs?  If this group of eight wanted to “blow” people up, shouldn’t they have named themselves “The Terrorists.”  It would go really well with Team America.  Outside of the fact that two members of Team America would be Terrorists… Let’s abandon this before I end up on some list.

We kick off tonight immediately after last week’s Veto ceremony.  Brittany jumps up to reveal she knows PowPow threw the competition and she is now targeting her.  It was clear to her as soon as she saw that Paolo wasn’t wearing her glasses.  So clear it took her a couple of days and Devin to tell her to her face that Paolo threw the competition, but she knew immediately.  Don’t get me wrong Brittany.  I love you and you realized Devin wasn’t a real boy and pulled the right puppet strings to save yourself, but no one is believing this.

Paolo’s defense?  Devin is a terrible and intimidating man who forced her to do it.  Her skills were raped.

Devin“Have you seen her skills?  They were asking for it.”

Paolo continues saying she didn’t actually throw the competition and her and Devin go back and forth with their bullshit until Paolo says Devin’s daughter is going to watch her father on TV and laugh at what a disgrace he is.  Hold up, Paolo.  This is an argument.  No need to bring truth and logic into this.

Last is Zach.  He’s ready to knock it out of the park and tear down Devin.  Zach is sure he has the votes but for some reason singles Frankie out as not being sure where his vote/trust lie.  These two were damn near inside each other last night.  Did I miss something?

Anyway, it’s just Zach going on about how he hates Devin and that he’ll be giving him the People’s Elbow if you smell what he’s cooking, uhh Fast and Furious 7 will be in theatres next summer.  And it just ends abruptly.  Paolo claims the New York is going to come out of her.  Over here, we’re just welcome that she’s gotten out of New York.

Frankie is #pissed at Zach for putting him on blast.  The whole conversation is like watching a couple in a passive aggressive fight.  Frankie expresses #vague anger/disappointment while Zach has a dumb and confused look on his face.  Which normally is just his face, but this time is actually linked to him fucking up.  No matter what Zach says will be wrong and Frankie will remain upset #sooverit.

Zach and Paolo square off again in search for votes.  Paolo puts people on the spot.  Particularly, Amber whom whenever is asked a question, says I don’t know and just starts to stare off into space.  I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know her own name.  She couldn’t even get a job at Starbucks, and I know people who were offered a job there without showering for three months.  Nobody else wants to get involved in their argument so it goes no one.

It’s time for Devin math.  Him and Caleb are discussing the votes and realize they need six votes to evict Zach and Devin will be the tie breaking seventh.  Perfect, you had an eight person alliance.  Minus Zach you got the seven plus some floaters who are with Paolo anyway, just in case.  You should have no tro—what?  You want to bring Hayden into your alliance?  How is it possible that the Bomb Squad is still a secret?  It’s the entire house.  And they are constantly calling house meetings.  Shit Jacosta, you should know a congregation when you see one.

After break, Team America assembles to discuss their options.  I would really like this alliance if we could evict the hashtag t-shirts, but I’ll cope.  Frankie doesn’t defend Zach and Donny doesn’t defend Pao so they both seem quick to cut off their friends and just make the right decision for the group.  Which means we’re going to hear about voting scenarios involving pranks and showmances for longer than I had hoped for.  Derrick moves on to work on Caleb to keep Zach as that’s where Team America seems to side.  His argument is the old Johnny Bananas “trim the fat” defense.  As long as Paolo is there, she can be used against you on Battle of the Block and Zach remains a big target if he stays.  Daniel Radcliffe’s retarded twin mulls it over before agreeing with Derrick.

Caleb“Dan always gets the good roles, like fucking horses.”

Frankie decides to take the good news and tell Devin.  Because who doesn’t like poking steroid infused bears with sticks.  Devin surprisingly takes the news with docility and just says he’s out of the Bomb Squad.  So that makes one person.

Time for the voting ceremony.  Julie tries to start off with a word association game for the veto ceremony.  It just turns into people listing off synonyms for crazy before Julie remembers they are all idiots.  Paola says all five of Devin’s personalities suck.  Zach finally shaved off that starter stache.  And Julie starts the voting.  PowPow is evicted by a vote of 10-2, the two being Donny and Jacosta.

Paola meets Julie on the dance porch for some questions.  She blames Devin and even says she fucking can’t stand that guy on live television.  Bill is in the mail, PowPow.  She keeps saying everything, everybody sucks but she loves Donny and Jacosta.  In the exit videos, Zach is a dick, Jacosta praises Jesus the gardener, Devin rambles and Donny is his cute self.  Paola starts crying because usually when she’s friends with a 40 year old man she gets paid at the end of the night so she’s happy to find a genuine friendship to make such an odd couple.

This week’s HOH comp is the standard whack a croquet ball into numbered slots and hope for the highest number.  There’s a giant octopus and this statue for some reason.

PoseidonEven Poseidon hangs his head in shame for how much of a douche Devin is?

They all knock their balls and Derrick and jinkies, Velma are the new HOHs.

Lastly, Julie informs us that all the houseguests are wearing bracelets to track their every movement to see how active or inactive they all are.

lane-ear-masturbates-big-brother-cbs-trashtalktv.jpgOr to calculate their mean jerk time.

You can get all their stats online.  Or just stop by TrashtalkTV and we’ll make them up.  Also, check out Ronnie’s new Big Brother in 2 Minutes and more on the site.

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