Hello Trash Talkers and Happy Independence Day! I hope you are having a great holiday weekend. This show has something in common with the way celebrate our holidays here in the good old U.S.A. Everything is big, big and bigger! Much like the new wigs that Kim unveiled at the salon this episode. Before we go into details, let’s overview last episode. Lisa faded into the darkness this time around. This one was all about the spastic stylist known as Adderall Anthony. Unfortunately it also included The Ratchet Sisters, China and Malaka.
China’s stank sister who never worked became Anthony’s target at the beginning of the show. He started to get sick of her stomping around the salon like a clueless cow with a crap attitude to boot. He decided to have a little fun with her and mocked her weave. Miss Ratchet receptionist did not take his words well and took all of her unspent energy to the back of the salon and wet the weaves he had ready for a customer. Anthony was livid and ripped into her, telling her she was just like her sister. China didn’t take that well at all and grabbed a can of hairspray and an aerosol battle started. Of course this was in front of the customers, who probably weren’t shocked considering how moronic this staff always acted. Kim acted like she was above their behavior when she found out. This is because Kim tells herself 5000 times daily she is so she can forget that she’s just a celeb wannabe who sells wigs that could be easily be found in Party City’s clearance section.
Kim proudly unveils this wig and the shoot.
She dropped them off at a beauty college in the hood and told them they were going the to learn customer service skills. She made a special effort to act like she had never been to the hood before. Don’t worry Kim, your behavior is the most ghetto of all. You’ve fooled no one. Meanwhile, Kim pretended she was C-list and rolled out some cheap red velvet and boxes of wine since the Grammy Awards were that evening. It was all very embarrassingly cheap as some supposed celebs floated in. China even had a couple.
She was running behind so Leah had Terry take over and style a client. China, ever the rancid bitch, was livid, although if the client had waited on her he would have been late to the Grammys. China’s empty head decided Terry had stolen her client and threw a tantrum in the back of the salon. Great time to jump on ANYONE, much less Terry who saved her by making sure her client would be on time for the freaking GRAMMYS! Please tell me no one thought her behavior was anything less than pathetic.
China is hard at work
It is now new, more exciting episode for our holiday weekend. First piece of good news, Miss Ratchet Receptionist is not as visible. Thank God. Kim does her usual grand entrance and tells the staff she is doing a photo shoot for her latest line of wigs. Halloween is coming up you know. The theme will be the Titanic and they will be on a cruise ship! Funny how she waits for them to jump up and down, considering how fabulously wealthy they all are. Right. They are happy to get out of the salon until they find the cruise ship won’t even moving. Okay there goes any excitement! Too Short, a friendly old rapper, comes to see Lisa. She is acting like a nice, normal person today! I realize this is reality TV people but if she plays the stank barber then please be consistent with her character. Weird thing is, she acts comfortable with either one. Maybe it’s not the script but schiz. Leah, who always runs around like an angry hen because her sister loves to be surrounded by people even dumber and lazier than she is, is a bit blushy about Too Short. It’s fun to watch. She has more facial expressions than a cartoon character.
I had no idea she could go into full-fledged swoon mode. Too Short is incredibly cool while Lisa give hims the barber treatment then helps pick out the models. Kim looks a little peeved because a white girl dared to show up. This seems like a theme with Kim. Her genuine smile immediately goes into mean girl mode, even though she is gorgeous while Kim is not so much. It’s when she skips into snooty snark mode or faux fabulous mode she looks really really ugly. If she would go back to being genuine and working her business she would return to sparkly, sassy Kim. If she still exists.
Kim trying to convince us this wig is attractive.
Of course then she wouldn’t have a show.
Too Short leaves and Leah still has an afterglow from their hug.
Kim leaves to do something or the other. We get a brief cameo made by Rudy Huxtable, also knows as Keisha Knight Pulliam, if anyone is freaking old enough to know who the hell she is. Or Bill Cosby for that matter. That may have been it. Anyways Kim goes on and on about her hair and we actually see her style it for 6 minutes. She seems to take her time coming back after that. Where did she float off to now?
My guess is to stare at herself in the mirror somewhere and convince herself she is the fairest of them all. Or plot how much she can destroy the models self esteem while her diet trudges on. Kim calls Jas and she instructs how they are to style the wigs. Lots of confusion and they have to redo all of them. Cut Jas a break people. Plus she is your bosses Mom. She may have wasted a lot of your time but don’t mess with nobody’s Mama! She didn’t intentionally mess up anything. So there. Okay so I’ve hit new levels of Kim Kimble immature here looking at that last statement. Now we are on the cruise ship. Nothing special about it except it isn’t moving. I spy a white model, who Kim immediately demands to be cornrowed. This is absolutely not in any way, shape or from like The Titanic. Except that the entire concept is sinking swiftly with no hope in sight.
Leah’s daughter is late. Kim goes on and on about how gorgeous she is, how she wants her be in the shoot but she is spending piles of money on the shoot. Looks like the niece has Kim’s work ethics. She finally shows up, nose rings all over the place. She doesn’t even look like she has bathed. That aside, she is not a pretty girl. Mousy brown hair, plain face but on the plus she is very tall and skinny. Niece Ugly may clean up well.
This is what Kim calls gorgeous.
Cornrows, Afros and nighties from Walgreens are Kim’s vision of something inspired by The Titanic. One poor model gets made up to look frozen, complete with gooey light blue eyelashes. I would laugh if I didn’t feel sorry for her. This whole shoot looks nothing like the Titanic or anything that has the tiniest of elements of it. We are simply on a cruise boat surrounded by Afros and one badly dressed, badly wigged Kim. It is a long day of bad wigs and clothes. It finally wraps.
Kim’s doing the happy dance and we are off to dinner. Naja shows up, having missed the shoot due to some BS or another. She has a little tiff with Anthony because she wants to sit by Dontay. Uh huh. Everyone’s slurping on their free drinks and in glides Angela. Kim is furious. We find that Angela didn’t know they were all going to be there or the occasion. Or that Dontay and Naja are doing something under the table they should keep to themselves.
No one can piss Naja off like Anthony
More trash talking and we find that Angela showed because “white boy” Anthony needs a ride home. The look on Leah’s face is total disbelief. Kim gets up announces the end of her party and struts off. China follows. At least the drinks were free! Next thing you know, Anthony tosses a glass of water at Naja after listening to her ratchet mouth spew out vile rambles a little bit too long.
Naja retaliated by throwing red wine all over Anthony’s white outfit. Retaliating, Anthony splashes Naja and hits Dontay in the process. Dontay stands up angrily and rants about getting wine in HIS EYE. Does he wear contacts? Otherwise I believe a good blink will do. While he is screaming he is holding down Naja’s wrists and says something about how white people are trying to be ghetto. Yes, Dontay, white people aspire to be just that.
Then BAM! Naja calls Anthony something that is edited out out. I’m dying to know what it is. It really sucks because it does not show her face either when she does. Leah immediately whips her around and calls her out in shock as does Angela. It’s killing me to know what it is! Angela tells Naja she cannot believe she said that to him. He tells her how disrespectful her comment was and I watch it a couple of more times with no luck. I’m guessing it was a very low comment about his sexuality. Commenting on his skin color would be a joke because Naja is also white. He and Angela wind up leaving and as with every party, it’s just Leah and Terry. What was the mysterious thing Naja said to Anthony? My guess is some seriously offensive stuff.
What is up with Dontay and Naja? If she doesn’t stop fondling her own boobs every episode, I am going to scream. Looks like happiness lasts only a moment with this crew. Tune in next week to see if anyone survived this sinking ship! Like what you read? Floshizzle also covers “Dance Moms” and “Untying the Knot” Missed last week’s episode? You can catch up by clicking here. Want more TrashTalk? Follow us on Twitter for updates of recaps as they publish, like us onFacebook for a daily update, watch our TV parody vids on YouTube, or for funny TV pics, heart us on Instagram, follow our TV parody boards on Pinterest, and get our daily microblogs on Tumblr! Do you love reading the comments on these recaps as much as we do? Go over to our Commentgasm page to nominate for your favorite comment of the week!