LA Hair Recap: Beauty Bitch meets Beauty Bitchier



Even Jesus cannot save Kim when it comes to pleasing Jonathan

Hello Trash Talkers! Time to chat about the latest visit to the salon. SO glad we finally have someone shoot Miss Kim down this episode besides Leah, although in her mind she will always be the grand diva of hair. Hang on to that thought, Kim. Just don’t leave your own salon where someone might beam you down to planet Earth and tell you you are wrong.

She is so much more likeable when she’s not busy being in love with herself.

Last week Dontay, Terry, Leah and Kim got back from Atlanta. Atlanta was good to all of them except for Leah. They styled the usual pretend celebrities while they were there and one real one. They also opened a test salon for one day only, to see how business would be in Atlanta. Business boomed, as did Kim’s voice every time some poor wannabe, or might have been, walked in the door. Meanwhile, Kim tried to hide the fact that she was glad she didn’t have to mess with any white hair in the meantime.

LA HAIR EP 5 Kim doesnt like Jonathan ha

Kim pretends to like white folks

Kim did her usual. She flounced around and pretended like she preferred wearing masses of fake hair to the real thing. Wigs flew off the shelves. People were desperate for miles of long hair and didn’t have their entire lives to grow it.

Leah announced a wig sales contest for the two stylists’ teams. Dontay and Terry both got to bring in an Atlanta stylist to work with them that day as a team. Not as their assistant, mind you. Terry hired a professional, obviously educated woman, while Dontay boasted about his fellow stylist, LaToya, a woman with painted on jeans who clearly had finished doing the walk of shame two hours before.

They behaved pretty much like they usually do in the salon in L.A. Dontay threw shade all day and acted like an imbecile. LaToya was so shady that she yanked one of Terry’s stylist’s clients right out of her chair. It was pretty clear as to WHY Dontay found her so appealing. She was as stank as him. Terry and his co-worker remained professional through it all. However, ghetto glamour was obviously what people were looking for that day, because LaToya and Dontay won the wig contest. Now women in certain parts of Atlanta will be wearing carpets on their heads, looking like something out of a twenty-five cent porn flick.

Leah had thrown a fit at the end of the day, after Kim did her big dramatic thanks for everyone who worked in the salon that day but Leah who set the whole deal up. Leah hit the road in a ball of fury.

The drama continued at the salon in L.A. with Leah and Kim giving each other the silent treatment. I wasn’t surprised that Kim would act that way but Leah had to have been going by a script. Their mother had a little truce dinner with them, which didn’t work. Eventually they talked it out as directed. Meanwhile, Lisa once again used her clients to passive aggressively whine about her fight with Anthony. Get over it already Li. It wasn’t a one-sided affair here. Man up and move on. Emphasis on man. Yet the whining continued on over to Ray J., the once real celeb, best known for co-starring in a home sex video with Kim Kardashian. Naja sauntered over to Lisa after some fighting over Lisa being “ratchet” and decided to encourage more whining from Lisa by trying to get her client Ray J. on her side regarding she and Lisa’s fight. It was a total joke and you could tell that he would rather have been at DQ enjoying their latest Blizzard flavor than listening that annoying voice of Naja’s argue with the ratchet Lisa.

Is anyone else sick of Naja and Lisa? They hate each other so much yet they are very much alike. Trashy beyond belief.

This all picks up in Episode 5.


Jonathan finds Kim’s first round of wigs shameful

We will start by talking about Kim’s latest, so very important wig assignment. She has to show some wigs to a celebrity (and I use that word loosely) stylist and hair god Jonathan Antin. His celebrity client? Why none other than C-list reality star, Gretchen Rossi. She is currently capturing our attention on Marriage Boot Camp Reality Stars. She has been axed by the more expensive looking group of the Real Housewives of Orange County at Bravo. How impressive, Jonathan.

She meets with him to show some red wigs from her collection since that is what he requested.  Jonathan basically tells her all of her wigs suck. Jonathan gets his hair from Europe and he obviously feels like he is downgrading by using Kim’s. Kim gets her knickers in a twist, because everyone in the SALON thinks her wigs are amazing. Jonathan is putting her in check by showing her not everyone in the outside world finds her all that impressive. Plus he may possibly be just as arrogant as she is.

LA HAIR Ep4 Kim making shady faces

Did you just try to tell me I am not PERFECT?

So she must do more searching to please this man. She goes back and forth with him to the edge of a breakdown and finally he is happy! He even tells her he may never go back to using the wigs in Europe! Well, watching her taken down a peg or two was fun while it lasted. Now they have come to an agreement and all is right in Gretchen’s world.

 I am still cackling over this man acting like Gretchen is an A-list celebrity.

LA HAIR Ep5 Gretchen and Jonathan

 Now tell me all about your latest acting roles

Back to business at the L.A. salon. Naja and Lisa are still running around acting like fools, and the Kimbles have a meeting to discuss what to do about the situation. Kim wants to Leah to diffuse it, which is the obvious solution and Kim sure as hell doesn’t know how to teach them how to behave.


Mama Kimble, the voice of reason and peacemaker 

Leah tries to discuss the situation with Lisa in a professional fashion and of course Lisa throws a dramatic fit and wants to leave. Terry steps in and tries to give Lisa a reality check. She came in with a shit attitude from day one. This isn’t something that just started. Of course she grabs her things and makes a dramatic exit.

Later, Angela drops by Lisa’s house for barbering lessons and we witness the two having a dramatic BS discussion on how horrible the clipper situation really was to Lisa. This woman is full of excuses! She was once homeless and abused and those clippers symbolize her means of financial independence. That is why it was so upsetting to have them broken. Give me a fekking break already. That was then, this is now. I sympathize with her situation, but her story by no MEANS excuses her behavior. Does she take responsibility for ANYTHING? I am thinking the word is “no.”

Back to the salon, where one among many unfortunate victims of youtube hair videos walks in. Her hair is 12 shades of crazy. She tells them that she followed a youtube video on how to do a weave herself and made a mess. Her hair is layered with Elmer’s glue among other factors contributing to her disaster. On the bright side, Dontay and China get to work on what looks like an impossible situation and perform a miracle on her hair! Not bad for hair that hasn’t even been washed in six months! I would be afraid of what had populated her head if I were Dontay or China.  They may lack many things, but talent does not seem to be one of them.


Even China seemed fazed at a head covered in Elmer’s Glue 

Next week… will China and Anthony go at it again when they are sent back to class? How amusing will it be? Tune in…

Missed last week’s episode? You can catch up by clicking here

Like what you read? Floshizzle also covers Dance Moms and Untying the Knot!

Want more TrashTalk? Follow us on Twitter for updates of recaps as they publish, like us onFacebook for a daily update, watch our TV parody vids on YouTube, or for funny TV pics, heart us on Instagram, follow our TV parody boards on Pinterest, and get our daily microblogs on Tumblr!

Do you love reading the comments on these recaps as much as we do? Go over to our Commentgasm page to nominate for your favorite comment of the week!