Untying the Knot Recap: You sir, are NO gentleman

Untying the Knot ep3 Tim cries over shoes

The real Tim, but I prefer my Channing Tatum military fantasies

Hello Trash Talkers! Hope you are all feeling the love today, because that just isn’t happening with our newest couple. Their names are Tim and Kelly, and be warned this breakup may make you tear up. No, No, NOOOO! I do not want real feelings on reality television. Well, I will make an exception just this once.

Last week we got a chance to see one of the ugliest, most pompous men in Moneyville.

His name was Golan. Once upon a time, Golan, who was borderline cute, married a so-so woman named Jennifer. They got married and became rich. Unfortunately he got greedier, they both got richer but they continued to be poor in communication skills. She gave her boss a $250,000 loan and let him give her a shady passport of Anwar Sadat as collateral. Jennifer made the expensive mistake of not getting it appraised before accepting it. He made the mistake of cheating on her when the financial mistakes started occurring on both sides, so it pretty much led to the the collapse of the union which we refer to “til death do us part.”

Untying the Knot Ep3 full recap Gremlin

Golan at present

This is what they fought over and who won what:
Diamond necklace, a gift from Golan:

Jennifer got it. The resale value was $8,000 but she still had to give Golan $4,000 credit. What a jerk. It was a gift Golan!

Bill Mack painting:

The lovely Millea brothers appraised it at $600 and Jennifer got it.

Florida rental properties:

Valued at $500,000, these went to Golan. Vikki’s thinking is that since his company was a success with his dealing with fixing up and renting out “luxury” real estate, he could get back in the game and start making money again. Otherwise he would remain at his present state of zip motivation to do anything that he had been living in since his company tanked. Plus he still had to pay Jennifer alimony and child support.

The prized Anwar Sadat passport, courtesy of Jennifer’s stupidity:

The smug Millea brothers had the pleasure of telling Golan it was worth only $6500. Jennifer got it and he got credit for half.

Through it all Golan told Vikki everything was his and laughed moronically when she tried to discuss his cheating. Scumbag.

Thankfully the show is only 30 minutes long, because if I had to listen to wormy Golan say Jennifer deserved nothing and threatening Vikki I would give him what HE wanted I would have thrown a rock at my television. The good news is I really like Vikki now. She went above and beyond throwing his stupidity right back in his face and told him who really was in charge.

Untying the Knot EP2 recap pic crazy stack of cats

I do think fondly of Egypt, where cats rule the world and can dance to “Walk Like an Egyptian” in public

Moving on to Episode 3 which brings us the very couple where I truly believe real love was once there, and possibly may remain. Which makes it harder to watch. However, the soon to be ex hubby, Tim, will tell us himself he is an asshole. His uncoupling wife, Kelly, will also tell you that while he is an asshole NOW he was once a great husband who treated her well until this Marine he came back from Iraq.

Untying the Knot ep3 full recap Abby and Channing nose love

A military couple during their lovefest

That one gets to me. Okay pass the Kleenex. We are going to get upsetting details. UGH! Both of these two who been through a LOT. However, right now it’s quite obvious the waves of pain are justified on Kelly’s side and she is the one who needs OUT. Still…

Damn you Bravo!

We are going to focus on the present. Tim is a verbally abusive husband now who treats Kelly like dirt. This has been going on for years and while she has stuck it out, she cannot deny he has permanently changed and this is who he is now. He has PTSD but it is clear that right now he has no desire to get any kind of help or change so it’s time for Kelly to get out and find a husband who will treat her well.

Untying the Knot Ep3 full recap Kelly

Kelly is ready to go AWOL to escape asshole Tim

They are fighting over the following:

Untying the Knot Ep3 shoe collection

Going after a woman’s shoe collection is the lowest means of revenge

Her shoe collection:

Christian Louboutin and YSL

Samurai swords

400,000 home where they currently reside

His pension

First up, the shoe collection. This collection is what they have valued at well over $10,000. They are used but they still think they are worth something. Especially considering the original prices of the shoes. These were also gifts that Tim would give every time he did something terrible to her. Instead of the sum that they had believed to be, the Millea brothers value them at $4500. They apparently forgot that shoes fall way down in value once they leave the shelf and there are a lot of places on the internet and shops where you can get some pretty cheap designer shoes. Plus fashions come and go. Tim goes into jerk mode and says he feels like he threw hundreds out the window. No more tears here for HIM. They were gifts YOU bought her Tim and they were far more than hundreds when you did. Man up.

Samurai swords:

He wants these and will not stfu about them. The good news is that they are valued at $4000. Once again, the argument here is that he bought them with his money. Nope,you bought it with you and Kelly’s money.

The house:

Valued at $400,000

His pension

He risked his life. She also put in her time and made plenty of sacrifices that come with marrying into this situation.

Untying the Knot Ep5 recap Channing Tatum hot soldier

I would definitely put my life on the line for a piece of this

Please note that Vikki does get a bit teary in this episode and she obviously finds the entire situation very sad. Again, folks, bottom line is the here and now and she has stuck it out for years. The way he treated her was shit for YEARS. When all is said and done, the new asshole Tim is here to stay.

That being said here’s what went where:


The shoe collection. Resale value was $4500. She also got $2000 credit for the Samurai swords which Tim gets to keep

$130,000 of the house


Samurai swords but has to credit Kelly $2000

His pension

However, Vikki suggests that Tim put Kelly down as the beneficiary on his pension. He is currently a firefighter with another risky job. Tim recognizes his mistakes in the relationship and wants to make things right with her and so he does just that. The uncoupling couple is finished dividing the goods, but we have to see a very sad Kelly and Tim walking off afterwards to start their new lives. Word for Bravo… this episode was too REAL! You know better.

Untying the Knot ep3 full recap Channing sad

Nothing so sad as a heartbroken uncouple

Next week we return to the usual shallow, greedy couples and all is right in our snarky world once again.

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