RonnieK, TheMiki, and JalleytoCali here to recap season 16 of Big Brother! We’ll be providing same night recaps of the show all Summer long, and RonnieK will have BigBrother in 2 Minutes Re-Enactment videos up every Friday morning. Be sure to check out our forums to talk about all the spoilers and goings on on the Live Feeds. Thanks for being here! Let’s kick this thing off!
RonnieK: A Tennessee girl who likes to skeet shoot and “play in Wal-Mart.” Skeet shoot in Wal-Mart? Possibly. It’s a dangerous world.
JalleytoCali: She’s a fan of Howard “because he was good looking” and “at the end of the day…I just like pretty people!” That’s unfortunate for you, Amber, because this cast has to the ugliest group of people legally allowed to be shown on network television.
TheMiki: She rips hair out of people for money, doesn’t understand verb tense, and her greatest accomplishment is going a year without sex or a date. Great, so her proudest moment is something most of us have done on accident and hoped no one found out about?
JalleytoCali: That’s a scenario most people on reddit call life.
RonnieK: Her fear of bananas probably came in handy that year. I wonder a lot of things, but whether is girl is a fucking moron or not isn’t one of them. I predict she’ll be the first to blow someone under the covers.
JalleytoCali: We have Brittany. Another Californian. She believes the most difficult part of the Big Brother house will be spending time away from her family as she’s never gone longer than a weekend without seeing or talking to her kids. I don’t understand these people. I’ve gone longer than a weekend seeing or talking to my parents and we were in the same house that entire weekend. But that’s just because she’s a part of a very tight knit family. And nothing says tight knit like someone who just recently started dating after 8 years of marriage. Don’t worry. She’ll patch up that hole with a new sperm donor before summer’s end.
TheMiki: Calling it right now, this bitch has crazy eyes. Her bio reads like an inspirational Lifetime Channel blog, but something in her eyes tells me she’ll be stabbing people in the back and having some sort of a melt-down by season’s end. In her video she says the thing she’ll miss most is hashtags. Not her kids… Hashtags. God I hate her.
RonnieK: Brit refuses to let her past and hard times get the best of her. I think that’s Big Brother Code for “stopped stripping a couple months ago.” “Loyal” “mom” going in with “no strategy.” That kind of thinking right there will get you right back on the pole. And who doesn’t love a loyal mom stripper?
RonnieK: This guy’s a big enough douche to take care of an entire women’s basketball team’s vaginas. Hunter, Guantanamo prison guard, obsessed with working out, uses the term “the ladies” multiple times, has a soul patch, and did I mention he says “the ladies” a lot? Don’t worry, though. He really likes the Bible and would bring one into the house if he could. Maybe to compare it to the one that’s already there? Not bright. But you don’t have to be when you’re GORGEOUS ammiright, LADIES?
JalleytoCali: Caleb’s an adventure hunting guide in Kentucky. I have a feeling if your hunting trip starts to become an “adventure” in the United States you’re heading into Deliverance country. So count me out. Caleb’s also very proud of serving as a prison guard in Iraq. I wonder if he has some good techniques on how to build a human pyramid.
TheMiki: He clearly wants to hook up on the show, and his favorite movie is The Notebook. Yeah, sure it is, Caleb. I don’t think the ladies can see your bio before they enter the house. You don’t gotta lie to hang.