RHOC Recap: Lydia Shows Some Teeth… get it?

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OMG, so much has happened, this week, Y’all!  First – no more Gasm!!!  I say fuck’em.  If they can’t recognize genius (GENIUS!) when they see it, they can have their webspace and their little dog, too.  I know this Wicked Witch was only ever in it for Flipit and you guys, so where those two things go, I shall follow.  And in OC!  My goodness!  There are fakeups all over the damn place.  Heather started to pretend to like Alexis, Tamra is still pretending to like Alexis, and Lydia is… not pretending to like anyone.  Which is weird for this franchise, but I’m sure she’ll stop by the time her next season rolls around and we’ll get to see the crazy we all know is rolling around somewhere in that ball of teeth and eyes she calls a head.

Oh, and according to her blog, Alexis apparently rolled out some new Maxi dresses from Alexis couture, but damned if I couldn’t find them on her website.   In all fairness, I may have been distracted by this…

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Buy now! Let’s get going!  We open this week with Lydia playing party elf and getting everyone together for a salsa dance.  I predict there will be exactly 45 seconds of actual dancing shown in that segment.  Confirmation to follow.  But, Party Elf has hit a snag on her way to the Caliente Kingdom – Heather doesn’t want to come if Alexis is going to be there.  To be fair, that’s not what Heather said.  She weaves herself an impressive web of passive aggression by basically saying that SHE doesn’t mind going if Alexis is going to be there, but she’s fairly certain her presence WILL cause something to happen.  I.e.  I can control myself, but Mrs. Trampoline Store is going to start pointing fingers at me and them I’m gonna have to glaze, and it’s just not gonna be good.

But, Lydia calls her and will not be deterred in her impossible and fruitless mission of making everyone on this show friends, so she bully-whines Heather into having lunch with Alexis to sort things out or whatever fakery is needed for these two women to be civil to each other for one night at a party with enough people in attendance for them to avoid each other completely.  I love that Lydia’s totally making her own bed right now.  She interviews that she loves being the friendship whisperer and that she’s a “GENIUUUS!”  Please.  In a few months, she’s going to get as sick of Alexis as we all did in two minutes, but she’ll have to be a massive hypocrite if she wants anyone to listen to her vent.  Misery, here she comes.

LYDIA_CHEESEBURGER Just shut your mouth and let them hate her.  Trust, it’s the right decision for everyone involved. Poor Heather begrudgingly agrees to the meet, I’m betting because Terry made a joke about her “career” that week and she needs an ego pick me up.  Hey, that’s the only reason I pay any attention to Alexis.  Hell, that’s the only reason I pay any attention to ANY of this.  Except Lisa Vanderpump.  Lisa Vanderpump makes me want to be a better woman.

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