Toddlers & Tiaras Recap: Jesus and Asians Should Not Be Taking the Wheel!

She says the brothel full of pretty girls gives her the confidence to take the ultimate grand supreme.  Whores at a brothel, little girls dressed to look like whores…maybe there is a connection.

“Not prostitute spirit, okay?” she says, clarifying things, “But we’re talking about the energy.”  Of prostitutes, being channeled to help you win a kids’ pageant competition. So we’re back to prostitots.  Rage on, former Asian, rage on.

“People probably think I’m a crazy mom for doing this, but it’s gonna work,” she says.  Less crazy, more ignorant.  And if it does work…that just validates it.

Back with Iyslah, who is at the studio practicing with her coach.  Turns out she’s been practicing 2-3 hours a day for the last two weeks…which, that’s a lot for a little kid and for the pocketbook.  The coach seems normal and says she just wants them to be prepared.  Don’t worry – first glitz pageant?  They won’t be.

23-Do this routine right or you will grow antlers

Do this routine right or you will grow antlers. Coach Nellie rides Iyslah like a rented mule and mom Ruby keeps telling Iyslah to stand up straight, pushing in her belly (looks like she’s swaying out).  Between Ruby and Coach, Iyslah stresses bigtime, runs over to the chair and starts crying.  So the ulcer has fully taken ahold of her stomach lining and is beginning to rot away her young body.  All for a stupid crown, probably made by Ashley’s Asian relatives.  Former relatives.

 22-Scoliosis table for one...and stop judging little sis

Scoliosis, Table of one…and stop judging, little sis. “There’s a lot of people watching me and I have a lot of stress,” she interviews.  At seven, you shouldn’t even know what that word means.

Ruby interviews that Iyslah broke down because she’s a perfectionist and that’s what it takes to win.  No, she broke down because she’s being constantly criticized by you and her coach and she’s doing her best and YOU want her to be perfect for her SECOND pageant, FIRST glitz.  Talk about Jesus needing to take the wheel…over to the library where Iyslah can study for the next spelling bee.

 24-Fun times had by all except those participating

Fun times had by all except those participating. And speaking of Jesus, we’re back with Kymberli and NeNe who say this pageant is called, “Outta this World,” which is kind of close.  Then the two of them start naming planets, “Mars, Jupiter, Your Anus, Satur-in, Pluto [which in 2006 was no longer considered a planet], Mer-curry, Eardhh, uhm…uhm…,” and NeNe says, “Lord, give us the next one…” and Kymberli says, “He’s not going to send us a text message!”  Yeah, I’m pretty sure your Lord and Savior has not only unfriended you, but put you down as spam in his email and ignored any LinkedIn requests.  His tweets include #shutupkymberlienene.